Back in The Tribe

So, I've been talking for -- how long? -- about all that I've gone through since departing from The Company, and -- more recently -- about my search for "real" work (i.e., playing lawyer). After much back-and-forth, and chasing down leads, and nagging folks, I'm finally out there, in the "real" world, doing legal work. Yes, it's true. I'm on a six-week engagement at a local software company, sitting in a cubicle, learning new rules and methods, and not having a moment to catch my breath.

You know the old saying, be careful what you wish for... Well, at the end of last week (my first week on the engagement), I thought, for a bit, whether or not I really wanted to be back at work. I guess the answer was "Yes" and "No". . . I felt a tremendous rush of emotion when I got my badge (complete with really bad photo) and hung it around my neck . . . Like I was finally part of a tribe again. That was weird. It was pretty stressful, the first few days, but got even more stressful, once the initial relief at having a paying gig again wore off.

The work I'm doing is stuff I've done for years, so it's not that. Yes, I'm on the other side of the table (but that's not much of an issue), and I'm working on a PC (not an Apple) which is a bit odd, but not an insurmountable issue, I'm working in a cubicle (not an office) which is very odd (but I've done it before), and there's all kinds of new people to meet and learn about. Most very nice, a couple who make me wary (gut reaction), and I'm learning to watch my steps and watch my back with a few others. In other words, the usual.

I am getting to wear "big girl" clothes again, and makeup, and jewelry. Now, that's weird, since I've been hanging out in jeans and tennies (sometimes flip-flops) for the past three years. But, again, it feels fine. (I just need to get rid of some dated items, and replace with some more stylish things.)

In a way, it felt like I had never left -- like the past three years just fell away. Disconcerting, to say the least. Then, when I get home in the evening, and hang out with The Spouse, yes, it's familiar, like the past three years.

Ach, too much change, I guess. I'm glad I'm doing this six-week gig, and I'll see if I really want (or need) the money badly enough to keep doing this for any length of time...