Life After . . .

TGIF

2011-06-24T18:41:00.000-07:00

You know, it's been a long time since I've really felt that anything I've done warranted a heart-felt "TGIF". These past five weeks working full-time, toiling in the vineyards of The Man, have focused me, a lot, on the value of weekends. I have one more week (four days) left on this current engagement, and those last four days (Monday through Thursday this coming week) ought to be wild and wooly (quarter-end, and I'm supporting a sales organization) (end of quarter = deals = commissions for the sales force)...

However, since I haven't had adequate time to be the Domestic Goddess that I've become over the past couple/few years, my house looks like a homeless encampment (no disrespect to the homeless), there have been precious few cooked-from-scratch meals, and the clothes I've worn this week are piled on the bench in front of the window. Shame on me. At least I got the dishwasher loaded and ran it last night. And thank goodness for my spouse, who went to the store and bought milk and other necessities!

Various thoughts have occurred to me this week:

First, two double lattes a day are simply not a good idea for me, regardless of how tasty the coffee is. (Believe me, I pay for it at about 1:00AM when I wake up, eyes wide open, heart pounding -- I really ought not to drink more than one double, and for sure not drink ANY coffee after noon.)

Second, 30 years of practicing law come in quite handy when figuring out what to do on a given issue, and mentoring the more junior folks.

Third, it's really unattractive to whine constantly about how stressed you are (not me, but another member of the team).

Fourth, working ridiculous hours never, ever results in any well-deserved accolades from management and will only give rise to resentment on the part of your spouse and your kid(s). I've been attempting to drum that into the head of one of the younger folks on the team.

Fifth, I need more grown-up girl clothes for the office. (And why, pray tell, are women these days wearing shoes without hose?) (Don't their feet hurt/sweat/get blisters?)

And, bottom line, I really do enjoy being a lawyer and hanging out with folks in a work environment. And, if the work is at least minimally interesting, that's a bonus. OK, yes, and I get paid -- "ice cream money" comes in handy.

I'm thankful for the opportunity to get out there (it was getting pretty dicey there for a while), and to know I've still got my chops. A couple of skills are a bit rusty, and I need to work on that, but I'm still smarter than the average bear, and full of professional savvy and interpersonal skills. (Yes, and I'm humble, too.) I find that, from time to time, I have less patience with nonsense, but I've learned not to lash out (via email or otherwise), and to always be polite.

Oh, yes, and not to fire off emails when someone has really pissed me off. Some things are really important to learn, early! :-)

Other than that, I'm also savoring sitting here on my sofa, with all the doors and windows open, enjoying the glorious early Summer weather here in Northern California. And also enjoying my Cosmo. I've earned it.

May you all have a great weekend!

Thursday Night Ramblings

2011-06-23T21:01:00.000-07:00

How did it get to be Thursday already . . . and, not only that, it's now officially Summer . . . What the heck? I'm just now sort of ready for Christmas. OK, maybe Ground Hog Day. Whatever. I don't do time well any more, I guess. It passes without me knowing.

The past few days, I've been listening to stories about the latest flood crisis in the middle of the country. This time, it's the town (city?) of Minot, North Dakota facing an innundation (due to a cosmic combination of forces). The news stories kept referring to the river that's about to flood the town. I found out today (because a news broadcaster spelled the name of the river) that it's the "Souris" River (as in the French word for "mouse")... (As in, Mouse River.) I could have sworn on a stack of Victoria's Secret catalogs that it was the "Tsuris" River (as in, the river of trouble). I thought that the name, Tsuris River, was terrifically apt and was astonished that it was in North Dakota, of all places . . . Like, wow, what a progressive place! I was a tad disappointed to find out that it was "Souris"... Ah, well... I guess it's the lingering influence of growing up in Da Bronx... (I still think it ought to be the Tsuris River, but that's a whole other issue.)

I've been at my current lawyer engagement for almost a full five weeks now. It's like I've been there for a lot longer. Perhaps I have chameleon DNA somewhere along the line -- I seem to take on the "coloration" of whatever environment I'm in -- been doing that for years! But, it's a congenial environment, the work is just interesting and challenging enough that I'm not bored beyond tolerance, and I get paid for it, too! The gig wraps up on the 30th, and I must admit (in my heart of hearts) that I'm looking forward to a little break. Having been "on the beach" for three years, I really was anxious to go back to work. But, now that I've been there, every day, for nine hours or so, I'm re-thinking my nostalgia for the workplace. Working for The Man is, at bottom, soul-sucking. I am so damn lucky that I don't HAVE to do it (i.e., work), but that I can choose to do it... I am blessed... But, it's fun enough for a couple/few months at a time...

There are several further opportunities floating around, all of them different, but all of them involving travel (OK, local within the SF Bay Area, but still). One is in San Francisco (a daily commute of about 1-1/2 hours), one in the East Bay (also a commute of about 1-1/2 hours), and the other out in the boonies (commute of 2+ hours). But, on the up side, the East Bay and the boonies engagements would not be full-time onsite, so that's a bit of a blessing. We shall see what pops up.

I'm sharing a photo (above) of today's snack extravaganza at the office. (These are "cake pops" -- lollipops made out of cake batter... I think these were lemon cake, with outrageously sweet icing -- after everyone indulged, they were then called "cake bombs"...) (The sugar crash in the late morning was a very unpleasant thing to observe...)

One of the attorneys with whom I work is a monster baker, and loves to share goodies with the team. Luckily, I can't eat any of them (I'm gluten-free), so I content myself with sniffing all the goodies. (OK, it's a bit weird, but it works.) And, one of the other attorneys also brings in fresh donuts regularly. Although I'd never want to eat them (the donuts), damn they smell totally yummy. If I were able to indulge, I'd be huge by now!!!

It was wildly hot here the past few days -- right on time for the first day of Summer. As someone said, we went right from whining (about the protracted cool, rainy weather) to Summer. Down here in the South Bay, it was close to 100 degrees for both days, which is just way too hot for me. Today, it was lovely again, and reminded me why I just love living here... Cool at night, warm during the day, bright blue sky, fluffy white clouds, ahhh... Yes, it is in fact the good life. And, yes, as a NYC expat, I have gotten soft. Too bad.

Other than that, life just goes on... Considering the alternatives, it's not so bad. I wish all of you the same.

Back in The Tribe

2011-05-26T21:00:00.000-07:00

So, I've been talking for -- how long? -- about all that I've gone through since departing from The Company, and -- more recently -- about my search for "real" work (i.e., playing lawyer). After much back-and-forth, and chasing down leads, and nagging folks, I'm finally out there, in the "real" world, doing legal work. Yes, it's true. I'm on a six-week engagement at a local software company, sitting in a cubicle, learning new rules and methods, and not having a moment to catch my breath.

You know the old saying, be careful what you wish for... Well, at the end of last week (my first week on the engagement), I thought, for a bit, whether or not I really wanted to be back at work. I guess the answer was "Yes" and "No". . . I felt a tremendous rush of emotion when I got my badge (complete with really bad photo) and hung it around my neck . . . Like I was finally part of a tribe again. That was weird. It was pretty stressful, the first few days, but got even more stressful, once the initial relief at having a paying gig again wore off.

The work I'm doing is stuff I've done for years, so it's not that. Yes, I'm on the other side of the table (but that's not much of an issue), and I'm working on a PC (not an Apple) which is a bit odd, but not an insurmountable issue, I'm working in a cubicle (not an office) which is very odd (but I've done it before), and there's all kinds of new people to meet and learn about. Most very nice, a couple who make me wary (gut reaction), and I'm learning to watch my steps and watch my back with a few others. In other words, the usual.

I am getting to wear "big girl" clothes again, and makeup, and jewelry. Now, that's weird, since I've been hanging out in jeans and tennies (sometimes flip-flops) for the past three years. But, again, it feels fine. (I just need to get rid of some dated items, and replace with some more stylish things.)

In a way, it felt like I had never left -- like the past three years just fell away. Disconcerting, to say the least. Then, when I get home in the evening, and hang out with The Spouse, yes, it's familiar, like the past three years.

Ach, too much change, I guess. I'm glad I'm doing this six-week gig, and I'll see if I really want (or need) the money badly enough to keep doing this for any length of time...

Sometimes, I just shake my head...

2011-04-22T10:47:00.000-07:00

I listen to the news. A lot. On the radio, on the TV, and I'm a digital person too -- cnn.com, sfgate.com, a number of international sites, etc., etc. (I also do the New York Times digitally, since I'm a subscriber to their "real" newspaper...)

What I've been hearing and seeing and reading lately just blows my mind. One would think that, after all these years, being the cynical, worldly person that I am, a woman of mature years, I would not be shocked or amazed or even worried about anything I could possibly glean from all these sources. And, truly, I wouldn't say I'm often shocked. Amazed, occasionally. Worried, frequently. But, then, being a student of history, I take comfort in the fact that it's all been seen and said and done before.

What made me just roll my eyes and shake my head this morning was the item (which has been bouncing around for a couple of days, or more) that Mr. Assad, the head of Syria (is his first name Bashar? Bashir?), has or is considering lifting the "emergency" declaration . . . which has been in effect for -- get this -- fifty (50) years. How, pray tell, can an "emergency" last for 50 years? Isn't the nature of an emergency kind of a "right now" thing? I suppose that "right now" could, on the other side of The Great Wormhole, last 50 years, but in our time plane, not so much (at least in my little head).

And, good old Prince Ali (of Saudi Arabia), big-time investor in many US companies, talking on some TV program (maybe yesterday) about how bad it is that women in his country can't do so many things. Yup, terrible, I'm so with you, guy. (So, my friend, what are you doing about it?) Crocodile tears?

And, here in the USA, I am just rolling my eyes and reaching for my Tums every time I see The Donald, talking about his potential presidential bid. Now, I've said many times that I'm outta here if such-and-such happens. The Donald in the White House just might be the tipping point (to use a "today" phrase). The idea that he is even taken semi-seriously, even by the lunatic fringe, is enough to make me go back to eating gluten-containing food. (I figure that the world is going to hell so I might as well live it up for the final few years.) Even if he weren't such a jerk, the idea of a real estate developer in any position in power is frightening. Oh, and today's item on The Donald, on some website, was that Donald says he's worth as much as he feels. OK, then, it's an interesting way to calculate one's net worth. I'm there... Oy!!!

On the up side, my kitties still are their own cute selves, my spouse is just slightly battered and bruised (after falling -- twice -- off the roof of the garage he's fixing, up at the Berkeley house), the children are (as far as I can tell) doing well, my car still runs, there's food in the kitchen, my clothes still fit (they're a little tighter than I'd like), and the black helicopters haven't shown up over my house . . . yet.

It's Good Friday, and Sunday is Easter. I wish we -- in my family -- had some sort of tradition that we could celebrate. Perhaps we'll just have to go with the lifting of the Syrian "emergency" law... You take what you can get, sometimes!

The Great Divide . . . Maybe

2011-04-12T11:23:00.000-07:00

Did you all think I had dropped off the face of the earth? Close, but not quite... I looked at my last post, which I wrote in May 2010, where I promised that I'd write soon. OK, from an historian's point of view, this is soon... That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I've been sucked into the Facebook nation, and have devoted much of my ranting to that site. For shame. I promise (for what it's worth) to do better. Perhaps I'll just post links and rants in both places. Perhaps all this sharing and media and social networking is too much. Perhaps perhaps perhaps.

In any event, I'm pasting in, below, a "note" (FB terminology) that I wrote this morning and put on FB, because I got seriously whipped up. This is not something new for me, it's something that's been eating away at me for quite a while... But, this morning, the two stories were too close for me to ignore...

What do you think?

Edit

The Great Divide... maybe...

by Elinora Mantovani on Tuesday, April 12, 2011 at 9:09am

So, this morning, while munching on my very excellent gluten-free breakfast, we were watching the local TV news. There was yet another episode of a local story -- folks lining up at one of the local athletic stadiums (or is that stadia?), hoping to be able to get in and receive some free medical care. This wonderful group, Remote Area Medical, is organizing the event. I don't know if any of you have ever heard anything about this group, but they are worth supporting. I first heard of them a couple of years ago, I think it was on "60 Minutes". In that episode, the group was off in some "third world" country helping the natives. The next time I heard of them, they were doing the same thing, but here in the US. And, now, again, here in the US.

I just shake my head when I see folks in my own country, allegedly the best country in the world, having to rely on groups like this to afford BASIC medical care -- I mean the most basic check-ups: vision, dental, medical. What is up with us, as a people, that we have let a significant sector of our fellow citizens fall into this situation? It makes me just ill. This is not to say that Americans aren't generous -- we are, on an individual basis. But, as a society, I think, over the past few decades, we've become very self-centered, "me" centered. You know, the whole "it's my money and no one else gets any of it" kind of thinking. I'm not necessarily talking about paying or not paying taxes, or seeking to evade taxes, or the TEA Party nonsense... It's a turning inward that worries me.

Anyway, right after the bit about people waiting on the sidewalk, in the damp, cold, dark night, for a chance to get their teeth checked, their eyes checked, whatever, there was a nice little story on the 2010 pay for various CEOs (including both cash and stock compensation). The pay ranged from about $28Million to about $80+ Million a year. Pray tell me, what in the name of all that's holy could these yutzes do that warrants that kind of pay? Really... I know, I know . . . stewardship of money and the increase thereof is valued far more in our society than stewardship of our children, our resources, our fellow citizens.

This gets me thinking about what's ahead for a society that continues like this. I saw, last week, a re-broadcast of a documentary, "The Crumbling of America" (on the History Channel). Our national infrastructure is rotting, in case you haven't seen that or heard about that, and cities, counties, states and the Federal government cannot afford to fix it. "No new taxes", you know. We cannot afford -- or do not choose to afford -- to ensure that our children have enough to eat, that our schools have enough money to teach our children, that our teachers are paid decently (at least enough to cover all those school supplies and boxes of tissues that they end up paying for out of their own pockets), blah blah blah . . . You've heard all this before.

I studied history growing up, and have continued to study it. This situation does not bode well for our country. At some point, the system falls apart. (Well, some of us think it already has, or is starting to.) (Just look at the state government nonsense that's gone on in several states lately, to say nothing of the stand-off and insanity in D.C.) (Re: Senator Kyl -- of Arizona, I think -- making a patently, fully, totally untrue statement about Planned Parenthood on the floor of the Senate, in connection with funding cuts; his office said, later, that the senator's statement wasn't meant to be a factual statement . . . back in the day, we'd call that a willful and intentional lie.) (Nice guy.)

Anyway, yes, history can teach us lots of lessons. This will not end well. We will ALL have a part in pulling the house down on our heads, if we don't ALL start ensuring that the house will stand the coming storms. But, maybe it will take an economic, social and spiritual tsunami, and resulting death and destruction, to wake us from our selfish, self-centered, morally bankrupt system. Stop thinking day to day, quarter to quarter, and measuring every damn thing in dollars, for goodness' sakes! (I remember, years ago, hearing the news report on some disaster or other, maybe a tornado or a fire, and the only way the newscaster could characterize the damage was "the damage is estimated to be in the millions"... What about the people who died, the families who lost everything? I remember thinking at the time that this way of looking at events really sucked, and it offended me horribly.)

Friends, I urge each of you to think about how you live your lives, what you do to address these inequities, and what you want for your country's future. The answers will be totally yours. I think about this every day, and I am sad to say that, to date, I have not lived up to my own expectations . . . I could do more, should do more, and maybe I can begin by speaking out.

What do you think?

What the heck???

2010-05-02T18:04:00.001-07:00

Hey, what happened to me? I did not realize it's been so long since I posted. OK, I'll fess up... it's been Facebook's fault. Really. I totally blame Facebook. Not me, nope, not I. But, I just got back from a brief trip to Las Vegas, and I have lots of material for a post. Which I shall do shortly. I swear.

Gratitude

2009-12-15T19:22:00.001-08:00

So, I was overwhelmed today, with an intense feeling of well-being and, I guess, gratitude. It hits me, every once in a while, just how lucky/blessed/fortunate I am. This year, I am looking back at where I was, physically and emotionally, last year, and it's so much better right now. Really.

Last year, my marriage was in a death spiral. I was separated from my spouse, who was behaving in a way that defied explanation and reason. My heart was broken, but my spirit was resolute. I was moving forward, not in a way that I had anticipated, but with wonderful support and enthusiasm from folks who love me. Without that, I don't know what I would have done.

I had taken a solitary road trip out to New Mexico, to spend some time alone, thinking about what had gone so terribly wrong in my relationship with my spouse. No great answers, but I really so did not like being alone, cold, and eating Thanksgiving dinner in a hotel dining room. (The dinner was actually quite good, and the staff were wonderful, but it was so awful...)

My children were stellar. I am so proud of both of them, for talking truth to me (and to their father), for supporting me in my search for wisdom and understanding, and for just being themselves. I cannot take much credit, I fear . . . they are the way the Ultimate Being decided they ought to be, and it's pretty darn good.

My daughter accompanied me to Paris, to spend Christmas there. Yeah, I know, tough duty. But, it was pretty sad. I mean, Paris is always great, and Christmas is usually pretty great, so you put the two together and how bad can it be, really? I could not have made it through last year without my daughter's support and company. And, I think she enjoyed seeing a bit of Paris! (How was that Angelina's hot chocolate, eh?)

I am thankful that, this year, the entire family -- me, my husband, and the children -- will be together for Christmas. Our daughter will be hosting us, at her place . . . Wow! When did she grow up? But, I'm looking forward to it.

My husband decided, after tearing our family apart, and forcing us all -- including himself -- to look deep inside, that he wanted to stay married to me. We decided that we really did not like being apart and, notwithstanding some significant temptations to his fidelity, and his fantasies, he chose to stay here. I'll admit that there are times when I wish all the bad stuff had not happened, and perhaps I think of what my life would be like now, had he not returned. (Well, I did buy a new bed, and I love it...) There were some other men who were . . . interested, and it might have been quite an experience to play that out. But, nah...

Last year, I was still pretty damn devastated about losing my job. I'm still -- occasionally -- bitter about it, but I'm listening to my buddies who talk, a lot, about moving on. Working at The Company was seductive and I think about it, a lot. Losing the job really forced me to deal with who I am, and what is my identity. I think I'm working it out. Slowly. I've discovered a great well of creativity, and I'm working out my urges by knitting, sewing, cooking, futzing and putzing, and working on my house.

This year, I'm OK. It is what it is. I miss my colleagues, I miss the challenges I faced, but I think there are other companies and other situations where I can use my considerable abilities.

Physically, I'm a bit heavier than I was last year, but last year I looked pretty bad. Thin, but bad. I think I look great for my age, I'm in technically great health (cholesterol, blood pressure, weight, all that good stuff), and I'm active. The spouse and I try and go out and hit the tennis ball every day (thank you, community sports center and the rental ball machine), and we try to walk around the neighborhood daily (although we've been sorely remiss on that part of it). I used to be so very fearful of just ossifying once I hit "retirement". Like my parents. But, nope -- we're traveling, we're in the middle of a dozen projects, we're involved with our hobbies and interests, and I don't think we're slipping into senility quite yet.

We're buying a new house (our retirement house?), which will be yet another challenging project. We've bought a 1970 Airstream trailer (no, I don't know why but it seemed like a good idea at the time). I learned to play decent tennis, and did a scuba diving session (yes, I really did sit on the bottom of the ocean). We've adopted two new kittens, who are keeping us young. (Yes, they really are.) We argue about things, but nothing major. When we're mad at each other, we don't go off and brood for weeks/months/years... It's painful, but we talk. Since I'm usually right, this is fine...

And, bottom line, we are so blessed. I send thanks out into the universe to the Ultimate Being (or whatever) ever moment. Truly. I have friends, and family, and my health, and food in the cupboard, and money in the bank. And piles of unread trash novels and magazines. Projects lined up, great weather where we live, and a car that works. I mean, truly. . . Do I need anything else? Nope, not really.

May you all find things in your life to be grateful for.

A Crotchety Moment...

2009-11-23T22:28:00.000-08:00

Well, it's more accurately a crotchety day. Began by getting teary-eyed and frustrated at tennis class this morning. My hand/eye coordination is lacking, severely... Got so damn mad, I hurled my tennis raquet across the court! (Truth be told, it felt kinda good...) (A John McEnroe moment for me...) It didn't help that The Spouse started with his "hints" the minute we started our warm-up drills. If I were the tennis coach, I'd tell my beloved to shut up. Jeez, makes me so mad.

Then, lunch with a good buddy -- that made me feel very very good. Damn, but good friends are a godsend, aren't they?

Then, unfortunately, I cruised the Web and looked at a little TV, and got all whipped up, again, about the idiocy of our elected "leaders". It boggles my mind that, for some reason, there was even a question at all about bringing the health care reform legislation to the floor of the Senate for a debate! Isn't that what we sent those idiots there to do? And the posturing that's going on about consenting to the debate, like it's some big-butt deal... The pontificating just drives me WILD!

Lou Dobbs was on the "Daily Show" tonight. That guy is a jaboonie of the first order. Another talking head, proclaiming in a loud authoritative voice about what "the American people" want or don't want. LD is apparently 100% sure that "the American people" don't like "the Obama health bill"... John Stewart kindly pointed out that there isn't such a thing. Duh. The touch that appealed to me the most was the mariachi trio (?) in the background as Lou Dobbs walked on stage. (We're all aware of Mr. Dobbs' views on illegal immigration, yes?) Loved it, just loved it.

And what is with the endless hashing and re-hashing of the same three stories on every damn local news channel? Makes me nuts.

I also had just had it with the protests at UC regarding the tuition hike. Yes, hiking the fees just sucks, and it's awful, and there is a whole lot of "fat" in the system. All agreed. (And, did I mention recently the outrageous package they're paying the lady who heads up UC Davis? Go look it up and see what you think...) In fact, I went on a rant on FaceBook about it. Felt good to vent. It's really embarrassing, you know? That these "kids" (and I use the term loosely) acted out like this. GO TO SACRAMENTO, FOR GOODNESS' SAKES!!! Yes, the UC Regents need a smack upside the head, but this isn't the way to do it.

And, finally, the SEIU's endless protests. We're all hurting, and there's serious inequities in the way wealth is distributed, and it's right before the holidays and people are out of work, and it's all bad... But it's NOT "the government" -- kids, WE are the government, and if we don't get that through our collective thick skull, things are going to get very very VERY bad.

OK, I'm done for the moment. Just had to vent. (I am becoming an old pain in the butt, I realize that...)

Today's Political/Health Swirl

2009-11-20T08:43:00.000-08:00

NOTE: For some reason, the link below doesn't seem to be working. Go to www.sfgate.com, and go to Dr. Gurley's blog. The link is for the item she wrote on 11/19/2009 (I believe), about the issue.

About the current hoo-hah over that advisory panel's recommendations on breast cancer screenings. One of the headlines in todays online press avers that the panel is taken aback by all the swirling & heated "discussions". So, on which asteroid did they find these people? A couple of days ago, on NPR, I heard two doct...ors: one was from (I think) the Am Cancer Society and the other was on the task force; you can tell that the latter had NO F'ING CLUE that there would be an issue. Not confidence-inspiring. Anyway, I'm pasting a link to a good analysis on the issue. Read it. Talk about this with your family and friends, AND YOUR DOCTOR. And it wouldn't hurt to natter at your Congressional representatives and senators, too (Federal level). The whole health care system in this country needs an overhaul, for a plethora of reasons. YOU are the government: get involved and let those yahoos in D.C. know what you think. Just sayin' . . .

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/gurley/detail?blogid=114&entry_id=51917

Politics... feh! (Yeah, and I'm talking to you, Carly F!!!)

2009-11-06T22:47:00.000-08:00

I am getting pretty darn irritated with politics. Nothing new, of course, as I've felt this way for several years. But, lately, I find myself with a pounding head after watching TV, reading the newspaper, reading "Newsweek", or cruising the Web...

What's whipping me up? Let me count the ways...

The scary partisanship I see growing in this country. If you pay attention to what's happened/is happening in other countries (huge hoo-hahs over really trivial or superficial) (OK, trivial and superficial to me), one would think that it would be in all our best interests -- the entire country, is what I'm referring to -- NOT to descend into this bilateral division. Republic vs. Democrat -- to me, it's like Sunni v. Shia (don't jump all over me, please), or Catholic v. Protestant (thank you Northern Ireland), Tutsi v. Hutu, Sureno v. Norteno, whatever v. whatever... We have far more in common than we have different. Grrr...

The blatant twisting of the facts to fit your "side", usually delivered with a firm jaw, really good hair, false sincerity around the eyes, and a tad of OUTRAGE just for spice. Ridiculous. My profession and my training may help me to see things a tad more even-handedly, even as I can advocate for a particular side. The evil twin of this issue is "forgetting" certain past occurrences which perhaps had an impact or effect on a current situation... Like, the fact that the greatly beloved (and seriously idiotic) (IMHO) Ronald Regan's "birth" of massive deficits, which continue to plague us to this day.

The way certain fringe elements (yeah, OK, I am referring to the TEA Party nutcases) wrap themselves in the flag -- literally as well as figuratively -- and use words like "freedom" and "liberty", in an effort, perhaps, to infer that the "other side" is just not patriotic. This just whips me up beyond all belief.

The failure to make the connection between our rights as citizens and our obligations as citizens. And, the failure to recognize that the world has changed since our country was founded... It's a whole lot more complicated, many many MANY more people, and you just can't sit out in the forest with your gun and believe you can handle everything life might throw at you. And, add to that the fact (yes, sorry, it is a fact) that our world is far more integrated ("smaller", some might say) and globalization (I hate that word) is here and is influencing how we live. (This is normally where I start foaming at the mouth about the "No New Taxes!" crew... Who, exactly, do they think is going to pop out of the shrubbery and take care of the roads, the defense of our country, interstate commerce, many business, etc., etc.? The Infrastructure Bunny? Jeez...)

[Let me segue here to the castle/peasants/Vikings thing I have talked about for years... That is, when dealing with our friends in Europe, and to some extent in other parts of the world, we need to realize that they have a long and honorable heritage of depending on the central government (the local lord's castle, perhaps?) for succor and help in times of peril (e.g., the Vikings)... We never had that in the good old US of A... We just washed up on these shores, and promptly killed whoever was here first, and then turned around and headed for the horizon, where there was plenty of room to act out and pretend that we didn't need any darn government (i.e., king or whatever)...] [Of course, many of these nutcases out there don't seem to grasp that WE are the government in this country... Didn't they pay attention in social studies class?]

And, now, we have, here in California, two women -- Carly Fiorina and Meg Whitman -- running for public office. As a genuine 1970s feminist, I would love to be able to support them. But these two really should go find a couple of start-up companies in Silicon Valley to ruin . . . er, to run . . . and stay the hell out of politics. I mean, neither of them even voted on any kind of consistent basis... (Yes, I know, many people don't vote regularly, or at all -- don't EVEN get me started on THAT one...) Carly just said yes she apologized, but after all for years she didn't think her vote counted. Well, I can tell you for sure that a vote not cast does not count. Duh. And this woman rose through the ranks to become a CEO? Jeez... Of course, I've spent enough time in corporate America to know that competence and common sense (and any kind of integrity) are certainly not needed to rise through the ranks, if you get my drift.

And, Carly, you certainly do know about creating jobs . . . in Asia, where all the jobs went when you hacked away at HP here in the US! Your supremely disingenuous statement that it was necessary to cut expenses in hard times makes me gag. Your policies savaged the R&D and engineering ranks here in the Silicon Valley, because you knew you could take advantage of cheaper salaries in the developing Asian markets. Yes, you could, and you saved money, but at what cost? It was recognized corporate strategy, but was it right? Was there no other way? And, of course, all the time you were drawing down some ridiculously inflated salary. And your M&A activity? What was that about? Did you really honestly think it was necessary to create a sustainable business? Really? Or were you just playing the "measuring" game (and you know what I'm talking about).

And, finally, Carly, you sure do know something about taking care of people -- yep, that $21,000,000 walk-away package you got really showed how you took care of yourself. After firing/laying off/getting rid of/restructuring thousands of folks here, it takes one heck of a lot of chutzpah -- and no discernable morality that I can see -- to insist on, and accept, that package. I personally am having a hard time looking at you on TV and feeling anything except disgust.

And don't even play the breast cancer card. Just don't. You are too smart for that.

In fact, I think you'd be really really good at charity fund-raising. It's needed and it will serve society. Oh, and I really think it would be even better if you started educating yourself on current issues and -- yeah -- voting. In every damn election. It's free to vote, you know. And you can do it by mail, in case you don't want to mingle with the peasants. . . er, the unemployed . . . you know, us folks who got reorg'd out or whatever, and didn't get any damn $21Million bye-bye present. Just, please, don't blow smoke up our butt about how "macha" you are and how you're going to "make government smaller" (you do realize, don't you, that you cannot outsource government to Malaysia, like you did for many functions at HP, yes?), blah blah blah... You may be a government "outsider", but many of us have heard it all before. Sounded hollow then, sounds worse now.

Just sayin'

Cognitive Dissonance

2009-09-25T21:14:00.000-07:00

Episode One: In the airport shuttle, going back to the South Bay after two weeks in England... What's with this warm weather and the bright sun? And why are we on the wrong side of the road? And why are all the cars so BIG?

Episode Two: In front of the market this afternoon. There are Halloween pumpkins and a huge display of pineapples. Somehow doesn't seem right to me.

Conclusion: Jet lag does funny things to my mind!

Saturday Night...

2009-09-05T20:44:00.000-07:00

... and all is well (I think). Good dinner (thank goodness for pre-cooked, microwaveable pot roast), first Cal football game is on TV, the kittens are "helping" me with my latest sewing project (the first in months and months and months) (maybe the depression is lifting), it's not beastly hot, and I'm just kind of floating.

I did have milk and cookies (yes, really) at 5PM with The Spouse (our ritual), but pretty immediately followed up with a very lovely Cosmo. I figure the milk and the graham crackers coated my stomach. And a nice glass of Pinot Grigio with dinner. Yum. Maybe I'll get some energy and m-wave some dessert for the old man... What the heck...

Got a fair amount accomplished today, thanks be. Washed the bed linens (where the kittens have been nesting -- ergo my itchy eyes), went to the bank, the post office, the market, the hardware store, and the fabric store. Shredded stupid old papers that just made me sad (filled up a lawn and leaf trash bag with THAT crap), and that's a weight off my soul.

I am having good luck with the exercises my dentist gave me for my rather painful TMJ issues. Now, when I do it, pressing gently on my jaw, it tends to click back into its proper position. Amazing how that eases the pain! But, I have a feeling it'll be a long haul. The dentist said it's all probably due to "rolling tension"... ??? (As in, "If it's not one thing, it's another"???) Oh, well... If this doesn't work, there is Plan B... More exercises and maybe some Valium at night, to reduce the spasm in the muscle that's causing everything to move out of its proper position.

Well, I feel that I should be opining on the great issues of the day, but I'm too tired to get into it. There are some pretty good back-and-forth discussions on Facebook, though, which are fascinating. A good diversity of opinion, and a bunch of stuff I don't necessarily agree with. But, so far, pretty civil... Amazing!

And, speaking of civil (or not), what about that guy who got his finger (well, the tip of his finger) bitten off at a health care demonstration? What in the world was THAT all about??? Sounds like a nursery school run amok! Jeez...

Well, Boston (the black kitten) is now laying down square in the middle of my cutting board, and attempting to loll on the cut-out pieces for the shoe bags. Silky, slithery satin -- I can't blame her!

OK, it's probably a good time to take a break and go do some knitting and make the dessert. Bad idea to cut and/or sew when one is tired, and after one has consumed both a Cosmo and a glass of wine. :-)

Hope all of you are having a restful and thoughtful (and safe) Labor Day weekend. Remember, without the organized labor movement, and a confluence of other factors, this holiday (and, by the way, the two-day weekend itself) would not exist. (If it didn't, how would we know when to stop wearing white shoes?)

Cheers!

As Dorothy Said...

2009-08-31T20:54:00.000-07:00

It's true, there is no place like home (for better or worse). The Spouse and I just got back from a week in Eugene, Oregon -- we were there to work on a rental property we own. It needed some things done (not huge, but lots of little stuff), and I have not been pleased with the quality or the pricing for work performed by the property management company. When I was quoted $1,300 for installing a ceiling ventilation fan in the master bathroom, I rebelled. One thing led to another and, before you know it, we (The Spouse and I) decided that we could do all the work needed, and it would be done right. (The bathroom ceiling in the house looked like some bizarre cave with mineral deposits hanging down from it... don't ask...)

So, we packed the SUV to the brim with every bit of stuff we figured we'd need, had three ladders strapped to the top, and off we went. We even shlepped a TV with us (!), for entertainment. Yes, including a digital converter box and rabbit ears (antenna). It's a lovely drive up Highway 5 through Northern California and Southern Oregon, and the weather was fine, thank goodness. We left in the afternoon, stayed overnight in Yreka, and rolled into Eugene in time to get a fair amount of work done on Day One.

Long story short, we worked our collective butts off! Our lovely daughter drove down from Portland, to help out. She's such a treasure! We scraped, patched, sanded, primed and painted all over the darn place. The Spouse worked on swapping out all the electrical outlets (which were quite ancient), poked about in the dark, dank, and junk-filled basement (a delightful experience), and worked himself up into a swivet about all the things that really do need to be done to the house. It's an older house, built (I think) in the 1940s or late 1930s, and needs a fair amount of TLC to bring it up to date. But it has good lines, and a solid design, and a lovely "feel" about it. Some strange things have been done to it over the years, but nothing that couldn't be fixed with a moderate investment of time and money.

We enjoy Eugene, and are toying with the idea of moving there... It would kill us to leave the SF Bay Area, but Eugene is not a bad alternate. It's close to Portland (which is a GREAT city), an hour from the ocean, a few hours from the snow/mountains, a college town, not too big (and not too small), and cheaper than where we live now in the Silicon Valley. We would miss all the friends we've made here, terribly, but the folks in Eugene are quite friendly, too.

The worst thing about being away for a week was that we missed The Kittens terribly! My former secretary was kind enough to come by and look after things, so my mind was at ease. But, when we got home, The Kittens went berserk! In fact, they jumped around on top of us all night! (The next night, we did kick them out of the bedroom...)

I've made it through all the dirty laundry we dragged back with us, sorted out the stuff we hauled up and back, cleaned the kitchen, went grocery shopping, and things are generally settled down again.

The thing that made a big impression on me was living a week with: no cable/satellite TV (just good old broadcast), no microwave (aaaccck!), and no Internet access. What spoiled babies we are... Luckily, I grew up in the "old days", so I know how to boil water for tea, and how to occupy my hands at night, when it was too dark to work on the various chores. (It really did feel a tad like "Little House on the Prairie"...) But, we survived. Duh, of course we did!

So, that's the most exciting thing we've done recently. I am grateful to be home, safe, in a great area. I am thankful that we are not close to any of the horrible fires that are ravaging California right now, and that my cats are healthy and didn't commit any irremediable offenses while we were gone...

I wish all the best to all of you, too. Cheers!

Why is tennis like long division?

2009-08-20T10:36:00.000-07:00

I don't know, why... Because it's learning a new and seemingly difficult and impenetrable skill for me, and I'm reacting just like I did in fifth grade... badly! I'm sulking, occasionally get teary-eyed, and sometimes stomp off the court and sit down in a foul humor. However, thus far I have not cheated (as I did on one test in fifth grade and famously got totally busted by the teacher).

Of course, now, long division is as easy as breathing for me. You just take it step by step, remember the basics (i.e., basic math), and it all turns out beautifully. I do it by hand often (i.e., no calculator), and it's just fine -- sometimes I do it in my head. I forget, of course, all the pain and suffering and bitching and moaning it took to get me here...

When I am on the court, practicing on my basic shots (forehand and backhand), I go through my checklist (in my head): where is my arm, what is my body posture, what is the orientation of the racquet, where in the trajectory of the ball ought I hit it, etc., etc. And, still, I often end up hitting the ball with the rim of the racquet, or otherwise just screwing it up. Blast! But, there are a lot more good shots coming out of me these days than in prior months. So, I guess that's progress. But I am still way too hard on myself... Really, I must stop that.

I love this blog. It's like a diary, but I feel some sort of odd obligation to write things for this -- with a diary, I say, "Oh, I'll do it later"... Not that anyone reads this, but I fancy that occasionally someone does. I hope it's good friends, who will (generously) listen to me blather on about things.

OK, I'm off to attempt to get some chores done. Ha! (Something is going on with me -- I'm totally exhausted all the time, and get tired way too easily. The doctor -- who ran every test in the world on me -- says there's nothing wrong. Humpf. What do they know...)

Everyone out there, be good to yourselves!

Nothing, Zip, Nada...

2009-08-02T21:10:00.000-07:00

... And, sometimes, that's the way it needs to be! Just kicking back all day, futzing around, doing chores, and basically bouncing along. OK, I did get totally whipped up today due to (1) reading the Sunday papers, (2) cruising the 'Net and reading the news, (3) listening to the Sunday news shows, and (4) listening to NPR stories. The country is so f'd up, on so many issues, I can't stand it. Now, don't get me wrong, I adore the Prez, and so glad he's in office, you have no idea. But, how can he possibly deal with the MESS that the bozo brigade (W and his cronies, in case you've been living in a cave) left oozing on the floor.

Ah, don't get me started. The Spouse and I went out for pizza tonight -- could have knocked me over with a feather when HE suggested it. I ate myself into a stupor, of course, and am not regretting it. I shall have to be moderate in my eating this whole week to pay for my indulgences today. Well, too bad... It was worth it...

Other than that, the kittens are being as cute as ever, I'm starting to nod off, and The Spouse is -- again -- looking at who knows what on EBay... I only hope it doesn't cost us money.

I'm sure I'll be far more witty tomorrow. Or not.

One Year Later... Holy Patoley!!!

2009-07-31T08:09:00.000-07:00

It occurred to me yesterday that it was (yesterday) one year since my last day at The Company. Wow, this year has FLOWN by! Both The Spouse and I agreed it's gone by very very quickly. This morning, I'm sitting here, cruising the 'Net, sipping my tea, getting ready to go hit the tennis ball, laughing at the kittens' antics, and thinking . . . hey, it's OK. I'm still pissed (a bit), but it's OK.

Random Thursday Musings

2009-07-30T13:29:00.001-07:00

Sorry, this is going to be a long post. I am "in the zone" today, feeling good, and just want to share/ramble...

Apparently, I have a "thing" about jellyfish... They just fascinate me! There was a story on NPR this morning to the effect that it is now believed that jellyfish churn up the water when they rise from the depths to feed at night; that is, they bring cold water up with them, and bring warm water with lots of carbon dioxide (?) back down with them when they descend. What is being discussed in certain circles is whether this phenomenon has any impact on global warming and/or whether it ought to be factored into computer models of climate change issues. Anyway, the photo in this post was on the NPR website this morning. I really really REALLY like images of jellyfish. (There's a whole load of those images on my flickr.com account -- taken when I visited the Monterey Bay Aquarium, and they had the jellyfish exhibit going on.) I think they are mysterious, lovely, enigmatic, graceful, and all things lovely. I just never want to get stung by one!

The Mayan calendar, December 21, 2012 and the end of the world, or whatever. Have you heard about this one? Apparently folks who study this sort of thing (i.e., the Mayan calendar) say that the last day of the calendar is 12/21/12 (lots of 1's and 2's) (hmmm). It's unclear whether this means the world will end on that day, or what the heck will happen. I blame NPR, again, for bringing this up. Those who know say this date (12/21/12) coincides with a projected sun spot/sun flare big to-do. That solar activity could (note: "could") cause extreme upsets in the Earth's communication systems, resulting in all heck breaking loose. Others who worry about this sort of thing say, nope, this is the end of it all. However, the better theory is that extreme hoo-hah will happen (no Apocalypse), resulting in (best case) a spiritual re-birth for humanity. At one point in the story, there was a reference to that date being the end of the Age of Pisces and the beginning of . . . the Age of Aquarius! New spirituality, etc., etc. There are folks who are already forming groups with the aim of being ready, spiritually, when the AofA starts. I will put the date in my iPhone calendar, with adequate pre-reminders. We shall see. (Ought I start stockpiling anything now? Canned goods? Knitting supplies? Batteries?)

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I'm in touch with my best friend from elementary and junior high school. We sort of lost touch in high school (she went to a different all-city school than I did), and didn't see each other again for years and years; we ran into each other when I was living in Berkeley, going to law school. She was there, with her husband and baby (who just got married) (now, not back then); I think her husband was doing something with the Lab or the University or something. Anyway, we saw each other then, and somehow once again drifted apart. Long story short, we're now in touch semi-regularly (not as often as she or I would like). She lives in Texas (!), and I have no idea when we'll actually lay eyes on each other again. As noted, her elder daughter got married about a month ago; she was kind enough to forward lots of photos, I wrote a nice note, and said (among other things) that we are lucky to have fallen back into a very easy communication, just like we were back in fifth grade, whining about our very nasty teacher. Well, last night, SKM (that's her) (my friend, not the teacher) wrote me an email, reminding me that, back in fifth grade, we really really disliked the teacher, and we made a voodoo doll of her, complete with pretty heavy spell. (We were very creative little kids.) Lo and behold, the teacher had a heart attack and was out for most of the year. My friend apparently felt very guilty about that; me, not so much (or at least I don't recall feeling very guilty). I had totally forgotten about the voodoo doll episode. Good lord... My friend is a teacher now, and I'm sure that, regardless of what she thinks, she ought not be worried that her students would do a voodoo doll of HER!!!

SKM also has stayed in touch, or gotten back in touch, with another one of our buddies from way back when. CH lives in Brooklyn now, and we finally hooked up via email. I am so lucky to be able to contact old friends. Really. I'm in pretty much daily email contact with my BFF from high school. She's one of those people who knows me so well, sometimes better than I know myself. I adore her to bits, and wish we lived closer. (She's in Massachusetts, I'm in California...) And, by the way, thank goodness for Facebook. Really. I'm now in touch with folks from high school, folks from my past lives, and all kinds of new friends. It's great. I love it. I am so very lucky... We can "chat" with each other without the need to be in the same time zone, or even on line at the same time. I adore seeing everyone's comments and postings. Makes me feel like we live on the same block, just like in the old days!

The flu... So, the H1N1 virus is still lurking out there. In today's SFGate, there was an article/blog posting by their on-staff medical person, talking about the coming flu season. Her analysis of the H1N1 virus scared the bejeezus out of me, I can tell you. This bug (if she's right) is a nasty little thing, and different enough from the "regular" flu virus that it's going to give people fits if and when it starts spreading during the upcoming flu season. However, since I'm on the older side of the time line, I apparently am in a better place, risk-wise, than a younger person. That is, really, so unfair. I was all ready to go and get my will re-done quickly, but perhaps I better be nagging my daughter about taking care of herself! I urge all of you to go find out about this little phenomenon, and take precautions. WASH YOUR HANDS! It drives me nuts when I see people not washing enough. My spouse is guilty of this. He'll wash when he's been futzing around with mucky stuff on his cars, but not nearly enough during indoor activities. But that's a lost cause (i.e., me nagging him)...

Music in the kitchen is a great thing. For years, I've been brooding because I don't have a stereo hook-up in the kitchen. I have an iPod (of course) (doesn't EVERYONE???), and there's all kinds of wonderful radios and other electronic thingies that are designed to dock an iPod in, so you can listen to your music. However, for reasons that are unclear to me, I never got my act in gear and bought one. (No, I don't know why.) A couple of years ago, I did buy my husband a clock radio/alarm/iPod dock thing, but it never worked very well for him, and he ended up not using it. I thought we had thrown it away, but recently found it in The Great Heap. I put it in my (lovely new) kitchen, charged up the iPod, and it works just fine! Earlier today, I was dancing around the kitchen, my music blaring away, and it was lovely! The spouse, of course, does not appreciate my fine taste in popular music (!), so I have to turn it off when he's around -- he turns on the TV and that's that. (Our family room and the kitchen are really one big space, and I enjoy spending time with him, and he enjoys watching TV, so there you go...) Anyway, I'm thrilled to have both my music (on my iPod) and a working radio in the kitchen. I am an NPR addict -- I'll fess up to that -- and sometimes watching endless loops of cooking shows and tart-up-my-house shows on TV gets a tad old.

I am so proud of some of the Republican senators... Particularly Lamar Alexander and Lindsey Graham, for their statements in support of confirming Judge Sotomayor for the US Supreme Court. Both those senators disagree with Judge Sotomayor's positions on certain issues (at least their perceived views of her positions), but say she's qualified in terms of education, ability, experience, whatever, and that's that. Yes... Finally, some grown-ups in Congress. Amazing.

And, speaking of grown-ups, I love the idea of the "beer summit" that the Prez is holding with that feisty Harvard professor who got arrested a couple of weeks ago, and the cop who arrested him. (You all have heard about that story, yes?) (If not, please just shut down your computer and go watch "American Idol" -- there's nothing I can do for you.) Anyway, yes, who knows what really happened and who was acting like an idiot. Probably both of them. And, getting together to drink a beer is just such a guy thing. (But do we really think Obama drinks Bud Lite? Really? I'm thinking he's totally a Stella Artois guy...) Anyway, yes, as someone from the Anti-Defamation League (I think) said, we all need to talk to each other. A lot. We all have prejudices and expectations and influences that affect how we interact with each other. I have been thinking about this a lot, particularly during the Sotomayor confirmation hearing kabuki set piece. OF COURSE we all act in accord with our conscious and unconscious positions, thoughts, ideas, and prejudices. Duh... It's OK, it's fine. But we need to be mindful of them, and be sure to honor them (or not) and acknowledge that they're there... And, maybe, sometimes, tell them to go sit on the sofa and shut up. Maybe we should all have a "beer summit" with someone we're not totally comfortable with. What a thought.

This whole hoo-hah reminded me of a block party (in my neighborhood) I attended some years ago. (If I've already told this story, work with me.) As many of you know, the city/town in which I live, here in Silicon Valley, is about 2/3 Asian these days. Chinese, mostly, but lots of Indian families, a smattering of Russians, some Israelis, some Japanese, and goodness knows what else. And some of us run-of-the-mill white folks. Anyway, at this block party, there was a good ethnic mix. I ended up, at one point, sitting next to a gentleman of Chinese ethnic heritage. I cannot, now, remember if he was an ABC (American-born Chinese) or born overseas (either in Hong Kong, Taiwan or on the mainland). We did the who are you dance, realized that we both had kids in the local high school (predominantly Asian), and started talking about the school. Long story short, we were both not too happy with the amount of pressure the kids were put under, the amount of homework, etc., etc. I think I said something about well, it's well known that Chinese parents put so much pressure on their kids. He seemed surprised, and then said, "Well, we always thought it was the white parents who wanted all this!" Nothing like talking to each other... We all should do a lot more of it... And that includes spouses, life partners, dating couples, friends, parents and children, whatever. Just my five cents.

OK, I think I've run out of steam. Thank goodness for my blog. I'd keep a diary, and I've tried it, but it seems so . . . blah . . . Perhaps the thought that others might -- MIGHT -- read what I have to say drives me to organize my thoughts, and actually write stuff. Who knows.

It's a beautiful day here in SiliValley today, I'm in a good place (i.e., on the positive side of the equilibrium/disequilibrium helix), and the kittens are napping somewhere (probably on my pillow). Life is good. I may have one of those cupcakes I stashed in the fridge last night.

Have a good one, everybody!

Catching Up...

2009-07-28T15:15:00.000-07:00

So, everything is in an uproar and OK, all at the same time. The kittens are fine (a bit traumatized, however, after a trip to the Humane Society for their follow-up vaccinations), The Spouse is fine (working on his projects, including his cars), everything in the kitchen is fine and working as it should (thanks be) (OK, there's a little chip in the edge of the sink -- blast!!!), the weather is gorgeous (absolutely no caveats here), we fixed the color issue on the TV which popped up when we moved it back into the family room (a loose cable on the magic box) (easily fixed), the laundry is done (for the moment), and the new carpet got installed this morning.

However, work still needs to be done in the two rooms that got the new carpeting ... A bit of touch-up painting in the guest room (formerly The Graffiti Room), flooring installed in the bottom of the closets in both rooms, shelving replaced in the closet of the guest room, new bed needs to be purchased for the guest room (and also new bed linens -- that will be fun!), furniture needs to be painted for the guest room (I hope the primer will cover the graffiti on the bedside table and the bureau) (grrrrr), curtains for the guest room window (until the new window goes in, and then new plantation shutters), replace the sliding closet doors in the guest room (they got pulled out for painting and other improvements)... I'm exhausted just writing it down!

Of course, part of the carpet installation was cleaning out the two rooms; the photo on this post is my living room, which now looks like a warehouse. I don't even want to go in there and see it... It's going to be a pain in the butt sorting everything out again. I sense a huge garage sale coming!

Then, we get to go play in the kitchen at the Berkeley house... It's coming along, but there is still a lot of mudding and taping and sanding and re-mudding to be done. Then, and only then, we can start thinking about installing the new cabinets. And we still need to deal with the two windows over the sink... It never ends... And that's only the beginning of what needs to still be done...

And, I gave up drinking my nightly Cosmo's, because I think there were far too many calories and/or carbs in that lovely little beverage. I still have a glass of white wine with dinner, but that's it. (I refuse to give up my Friday night Cosmo, though... really, there are limits!)

I know, compared with the wars simmering and/or burning in many areas, floods, earthquakes, plagues, drought, heat, disease, poverty and general misery, this is just pure drivel. I know that, I do... But I just cannot contemplate all that right now. I'm deep in denial, and just sort of drifting. I don't know why. I just am.

So, enough of my petty crap. I need to go do something meaningful. Like going to the grocery store. Really.

On the upside...

2009-07-19T18:07:00.000-07:00

See photo, above. I may be in a funk about the amount of detritus strewn around my house, but AT LEAST I am not facing a plague of giant jellyfish. Apparently, they are infesting the Sea of Japan. IMHO, this is way too creepy for me. I went to the jellyfish exhibit at the Monterey Aquarium, and they were too cute -- the jellyfish, that is... (See my photos on my flickr page: http://www.flickr.com/photos/elinorina/...) But this is so definitely NOT a cute little jellyfish...

As you can see, I'm really trying to find the upside of everything. Really, I am. I swear.

However, sometimes, it's harder than usual. I had a very very very vivid dream last night, about my leaving The Company. I've had a number of these dreams; my therapist would probably say I'm still processing the whole trauma of leaving the best job ever. And, let it be noted, not by my own choice. Hey, I still have dreams about things that happened years and decades ago, so I'm not the type to "let go" easily or quickly (obviously). The Spouse says he doesn't understand how I don't remember things... he does, and it creeps me out, the amount of detail he pulls out of his head... But, au contraire -- I do remember things, truly... just not the same things that HE remembers. I remember things from kindergarten, early elementary school, various points in my youth, horrible things from my early adulthood (oh, the horror of my stupidity), and shining moments from random points in my life. I figure I just ditch those things I don't need to remember, and keep the rest.

Anyway, the photo of the giant jellyfish really got me going... I do not know why, it just did. I think because if I were fadoodling around in the surf, or if I were snorkeling, and came upon one of these monsters, I don't think I'd EVER go back in the water again! Really!

OK, that's all I want to say on that topic. It's still hot here, so I'm not ready to deal with dinner yet. Maybe it's time for a second Cosmo? Could be...

Saturday Morning

2009-07-18T10:42:00.000-07:00

Ahhh, the luxury of sleeping in on a Saturday morning. Even though neither The Spouse nor I are "working" (at a "real" job) any more -- due to layoff, reorganization, whatever -- we decided that we still need to have some structure in our lives, so we set our alarm(s) to go off at 6:00AM and 6:10AM... Not that we actually get up until 7:00AM, but... Anyway, I made an executive decision NOT to set the alarm this morning. It was not a totally irresponsible decision, given that we were out late last night (got home about 11:15PM) (car club meeting) and then mucked about, watched the late TV news, read a bit, and didn't turn the light out until about midnight.

Well, we both sort of woke up about 6:00AM, but somehow (!) didn't finally really wake up and get out of bed until 9:00AM... Such sloth! Most excellent... When I opened the bedroom door, the kittens were patiently sitting there, waiting for The Humans to get with the program. They rushed in and promptly began playing! Boston (the all-black one) is fascinated with water, and tries, every morning, to get into the shower. I open the door and invite her in, but then she realizes what's going on, and decides against sharing the experience. She will, however, play with the running water in the sink... For some reason, she does not appear to worry about getting her paws wet. The other kitten, Philadelphia, is far more cautious, and simply decided to lay on the bedroom carpet in a patch of sun, and look cute as heck.

Both of us -- The Spouse and me -- woke up with headaches. Not from any indulgence last night, for sure, so we think it's maybe weather-triggered (changes in air pressure or other weather phenomena can trigger migranes). He took meds, I'm trying to hold out.

Frankly, I'm in a funk... For some reason, can't quite whip up the usual amount of enthusiasm. Perhaps it's the amount of household crap that needs to get done in the next couple of days, or something. It was easier, perhaps, when I was working at a "real" job -- because I knew I simply had to organize and get things done and there was no wiggle room! There is stuff piled up all over the house, and it's driving me NUTS! However, I am making progress: there are 12 cartons of fabric from my stash ready to go to the local junior college (for their fashion design program), there are tons of goodies set aside for a garage sale (not sure when I'll do that), just got rid of my big microwave (loaned to a friend who's getting her kitchen redone), the two upstairs bedrooms are due to get new carpet soon (yesss!!!) (after 19 years) (don't ask), and every week we get rid of tons of old crap. However, there are still tons left. My daughter is praying that nothing untoward happens to The Spouse and to me, because then she'd be left with one huge heck of a mess to clean up. (At least my lingerie drawers in the closet are neat!)

There's a photo here (above), taken when The Spouse, my daughter and I were in Oregon in June (for her graduation), and we went out to the coast, to Florence, Oregon... That's the feeling I'm searching for today. We shall see.

I wish all of you a FABULOUS weekend!

Weird, Weird, Weird

2009-07-12T17:21:00.000-07:00

OK, now I know for sure (viz: Oprah) that I have been married to The Spouse for FAR TOO LONG. Let me tell you why: Last night, I had a dream that I was -- somehow -- talked into driving his Lotus Elise (the little yellow bombshell) in a race; I believe it was at Sears Point Raceway (or whatever corporate moniker is currently attached to that venue). For reasons not made totally clear in the dream, I had gone along with this INSANE idea -- I must have, because we were both at the track, and I had "parked" the car close to the grid, to be ready to form up when the signal was given.

Then, it got strange. (Yes, I know, but work with me on this...) I started arguing with The Spouse, telling him I didn't know anything about driving in a race, I had no idea how to tell I'd finished a lap, I didn't have racing shoes on (just my tennies, which are too clumsy to manipulate the pedals), I didn't know the course, and I couldn't possibly see out of the helmet! He just kept "there-there'ing" me, telling me it would all be fine, and not to worry.

At this point, I'm getting seriously worked up... The people who supervise the race are there, and not apparently worried that they can't see a good part of the track and that this newbie -- me -- is about to wreak havoc on the track. For some reason, there were a lot of women drivers for the race -- I was in the paddock, pitted next to a very nice lady, and her little girl was there (being held by her dad), and I started talking to the little one, before I realized that I was scared s**tless!

I had just about talked my spouse into taking my place, and was starting to strip off my racing suit, when I woke up. In a sweat. Jeez!

When I told him about this dream, The Spouse just smiled. Later on this morning, we watched a re-broadcast of today's F1 race, from Germany. He told me to watch what the drivers were doing, and to relax, because it's easy! Go straight, go fast, and don't smack into anyone else. OK, then, how hard could it be? Hahahaha... Look, I won't even drive the 1961 Jaguar sedan because I'm in a panic about what would happen if I smacked into anything (my hand-eye coordination isn't the best any more -- not that it was ever great)...

So, here's the current state of play: He's gotten me to try tennis (and I'm liking it pretty well); he got me to try scuba (on our last trip to Hawaii -- I did sit on the ocean bottom for a little bit -- okay it was only about 25 feet deep but it was real and I had the full scuba kit on); he's gotten me to cut way down on the amount of salt I use on my food (grudgingly); he's gotten me to sleep commando (I know, TMI); and he's gotten me to do all kinds of things I swore I'd never do (but all totally PG-rated)... Why do I think car racing wouldn't be included in that list, at some point?

Well, all I'm saying is, stay tuned...

Forgot to add these

2009-07-10T08:48:00.001-07:00

Armfuls of cats... How fun is this!

Humor Me...

2009-07-10T08:38:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know, people posting photos of their pets can get annoying. Humor me on this, though. I've posted so many entries about all my misery and sadness, and bad moods, and all that, so now I have these two new kittens and they make me laugh. Like human babies, and babies of other species, these kittens are just THERE... they're either going at a million miles an hour, or sound asleep, out cold. If they're mad, they hiss; if they are happy (or what we believe is happy for a kitten), they purr; when they're hungry, they meow (really loudly, given their size). How cool is that? No prevarication here... I'm not wild about the scratches I have all over me, as they try to climb up my body, but what the heck. And they've knocked over everything that can be knocked over, but nothing has broken... yet...

Yesterday, Boston (the black one) discovered the broom, as I was sweeping the floor. She apparently thinks it's just a huge new toy, meant to amuse her and present her with "prey" (huge dust bunnies). She's the more aggressive one of the two -- chases Philly (aka Fearless aka Philadelphia) (I hate that name) -- and the more curious of the two. I have a feeling, however, that the other one isn't far behind. I think there's probably a couple/few weeks age difference between them, and at this age, that has a huge impact.

As I mentioned on my Facebook post earlier today, we don't have (human) grandchildren (yet) (please god), so we're doting on the kittens. How predictable is that! I don't want to turn into one of those weird old women who think their cats (or dogs) are their children, so please don't expect constant posts on the furry ones.

But, today, I just couldn't help myself. I blame the headache (now in its second consecutive day)...

Have a great day!

Happy...

2009-07-09T20:42:00.000-07:00

I just realized, sitting here, fadoodling around on the 'Net, that I'm actually pretty happy. This may not seem like much, but when one considers where I've been, emotionally and psychologically, for the past couple of years, that is saying a lot. By "happy", I don't mean hey whoo-hoo jumping up and down, but rather, I think, content. The absence of angst. The absence of drama. The absence of crisis.

My therapist is great. I've been seeing her since The Misery started, and one of the skills she told me to work on, a long time ago, was "changing the tape" or "changing the channel" when the negative thoughts start, and the visions of you-know-who with Saigon Barbie start. It was so very hard, at first, to tear my brain and my heart away from the dark side, but eventually it got easier. These days, the negative thoughts only pop up occasionally. When they do, there is the temptation to indulge in them -- kind of like emotional or mental masturbation, I guess -- but I also realize that it's just not good for me. The past is the past, and there's not a damn thing I can do to change it. The present is all I have. And, as far as I know, The Spouse has left his obsession with that slut behind. I hope. I still don't understand the whole thing, but I suppose I'll never understand it.

Whatever.

Today, I'm good. I look good, I feel good. My hair is good, my face is good. I play tennis a lot, and I'm not terrible. (Not great, but not terrible.) I have good health (other than the osteoarthritis which is getting more intense each day), as far as I know. I have food in the cupboard, I have lovely clothes in the closet. I have two great kids, and one of them is a daughter who's the light of my life. She's a lovely young woman, and I'm so proud of her. She'll do fine in life. I have money in the bank, even if I don't have a job (thanks be for unemployment insurance). I have a roof over my head, and enough money in savings to pay off the mortgage if that's what I think I need to do. Again, thanks be. I have great friends, which is a true blessing. I live in a great place (even if the state of California is more f'd up than any state deserves to be) (and the USA is not too bad). I have a TV, a couple of radios, and lots of books and magazines to read. I have craft projects to futz around with, and cute shoes.

So, hey, why ought I not be happy? Really...

That's what occurred to me today.

Hope all of you are doing well!

Well, it seemed like a good idea...

2009-07-03T22:23:00.000-07:00

So, as you all know, we adopted Boston (the all-black kitten) a couple of weeks ago. Our older cat is still in a huff, but the level of hissing and general crankiness has diminished a bit. However, Boston seems lonely. Well, not really, but we thought she might like some same-age companionship. (And, frankly, our older cat is getting odder by the day, so she may yet segue into being an outdoor cat if she doesn't stop peeing and puking all over our house...) (Love her dearly, but...)

Anyway, we made another trip to the Humane Society today, and found Philly... or Feli... or whatever her name is going to be... Her adoption papers called her "Fearless" -- as in, that was the name that was given to her. She was the one kitten at the adoption center who didn't totally freak out when we held her. Unlike Boston, who immediately cuddled and purred and did everything in her power to entice us to take her home, "Fearless" just gave us The Look... She didn't struggle to escape our arms, but she wasn't too keen on us, either. Well, anyway, she's home with us now! She's spent most of the day hiding out, but we've retrieved her from under the sofa a couple of times.

As I'm typing this, there's a bit of hissing going on between the two little ones. Boston came up to whats-her-name, nose to nose, investigating the cute little number who showed up today. However, Fearless did a very female thing and hissed. Great. Another princess...

She's a cutie, but truth be told, I still miss Baby Kitty #1 deeply. Sigh...

Monday Musings

2009-06-29T17:26:00.001-07:00

[OK, it's Tuesday and not Monday... Well, I do get distracted!]

Well, first the news regarding Baby Kitty #2; she now has a name: "Boston"... My husband named her, after the old TV detective show, "Boston Blackie". Whatever. It's better than Kia, the name on her adoption papers. (She really looks like a bat, but I could not figure out how to work that into her name...) She's a hoot, totally a kitten, into everything and driving us nuts! This morning, she did the total "attack kitty" routine with our older cat, Special Needs Kitty... The little one slowly crept into the bedroom, where the older cat was lolling on the floor, on her back... The older one saw baby kitty, did some ritualistic hissing, and then ignored her. Baby kitty skittered under our bed, and all was peaceful for a few seconds. And then, pounce! The baby kitty leaped upon the older cat's tail and attacked it heartily. All heck broke loose! The Spouse and I were laughing so hard we could not stand it!

Secondly, we went to the Palo Alto Concours d'Elegance yesterday (Sunday). The Spouse had entered one of his cars (our 1961 Jaguar Mark II sedan) in the show. It would have been a lot more fun had it not been for the fact that it was 90 degrees plus! There's been a horrible heat wave (well, horrible for us) here for the past couple of days, and it was brutal out on the field. Thank goodness we were on grass, at least! The folks on either side of us had the foresight to bring pop-up pavilions with them, and we "borrowed" some of their shade. I also had the foresight to bring a big golf umbrella with us, which did help a bit with shielding us from the sun. But it wasn't really the sun, it was the heat... We survived... Reminded me of why I don't live on the East Coast any more! Today it's still pretty hot, but not quite. We close up the house in the morning, keep the fans on, and at night it's fine -- we open up the windows and doors, and we sleep nicely. One thing which never happened in NYC while I was growing up was cool nights -- the cement and the asphalt held the heat and it was miserable. Unless there was a rainstorm/thunderstorm, in which case it did cool down a bit. Our house here in Northern California backs up onto a creek (which really isn't much of a creek -- only a trickle in the bottom of the gully unless it's been raining) and lots of trees, so we're lucky that there's lots of green and moisture which helps at night. One of the uncertainties about my/our future is where we'll live -- we love it here, and we're not sure where we'd find another place that's so congenial.

Third, our daughter arrived back home this afternoon (Monday), from Oregon, for a week's stay. (That's as long as she can tolerate us, she says.) She graduated from the University of Oregon earlier this month, and is winding down her job, and will be moving to Portland, Oregon at the end of July. It's a wonderful thing to have her back in the house -- she's quite a presence, and we miss her terribly. But I'm also so very proud of her, for becoming such a lovely young woman, and thrilled that she's striking out on her own. I guess I can't turn back the clock and make her three years old again, can I... We are planning a few activities, including re-painting her room (to get rid of the graffiti inflicted on it by her brother and his friends in an as-yet-unexplained episode of drunken idiocy), and perhaps going out to the beach.

Other than that, just cruising along. My long-time BFF, who lives in Massachusetts, has told me I've turned into a true suburban princess... Perhaps! But, it is time to go get ready for tennis!

So Sad...

2009-06-25T17:42:00.001-07:00

Farrah, and Michael. Two fabulous stars, one going with dignity, one just slipping off after decades of weirdness. But, still, sad on both counts. And, the "Let's Go To Argentina" governor -- the less said about that one, the better, as far as I'm concerned... it just hits too close to home for me, and I'm still pretty damn sore about what's gone down in my own life over the past two years. And, perhaps, is still going down. What is with these guys who feel compelled to write wonderful, lyrical, romantic emails to their . . . other women (I was going to call them "whores" but that's too broad) . . . but yet not show (probably) the same tenderness to their spouses? Really...

But, let me not get off topic. As I'm now in my 60s, I think a lot about the next step in my journey (i.e., dying/death). I'm not particularly afraid of it, as it comes to all of us. I am afraid, I guess, of meeting death in a painful, awful, ugly way... like getting shot on the sidewalk by some sub-human who's just out to rob someone... that would be sucky. More for their bad karma (and my last fear) than anything. And, since I fly a lot, I do worry about going down in a plane; I hope if that's in the cards for me, that it's quick in any event. I brood about this. Farrah had time, we hope, to prepare. Michael, perhaps, did not. Farrah is just about my age, Michael was only 50... Fifty years old seems so very young, from where I sit these days!

I've been thinking about my life, so far, and how I feel about it all. I've really f'd up, big time, more than once (actually, numerous times), I've done lots of good things, but I haven't done as much as I should have, and I've caused a lot of pain to people who didn't (really) deserve it. I've been thoughtless, and thoughtful; I've been stingy, and generous; I've been callous, and compassionate. I think I've been repaid adequately for the pain I've inflicted -- but that's not my tally sheet to keep. I've done my best to be a good human being, and have fallen short many many times. Isn't that the essence of being human?

I've tried to be a good spouse to my husband, in the face of his failings and infidelities and dishonesty. I at least can look myself in the mirror each morning and each night, and feel good about what I've done. What he does, in his twisted mind and on his own time (thinking I don't know about it), is his issue, not mine.

I've come to realize that I can't "own" others' behavior -- e.g., my husband's, my son's... I need to work harder about not taking, on myself, their actions -- they need to own that crap. It's particularly hard when people bitch to me about my son's behavior... you KNOW people judge you by what your children do (or don't do). That's hard to take. I need to stay focused. As for my spouse's behavior, well, he did blame me for setting the stage for it, but it's still his decision to do what he did, and to continue to do what he's doing. I've done what I can do. I probably fall short daily, but not for want of trying.

So, I hope that when Farrah and Michael get to wherever it is that we go after we "pass", they can answer whatever questions are posed to them, and that they won't be judged (or judge themselves) too harshly. To fall short is part of the human condition. But, we have free will to try and do better. It's that free will that I personally try to tap into, daily. Some days, I think I've done OK; some days, not so much. Luckily, I've been waking up to a new day each day, with a new chance to do better. Phew!

Wow, did I go deep and dark here... I think I need another Cosmo!

Cheers!

Welcome Baby "X"

2009-06-23T21:32:00.000-07:00

As you will recall, our Baby Kitty (also known as Baby Kitty #1) (I've added a photo of her to the post below, "Just a Cat?") met an untimely end in May. We were devastated. However, life goes on, and we decided we needed a kitten in the house, to pep up Special Needs Kitty (who's 10 years old) (and who was the star of a previous post), and to perk us up. So, we've been looking. We looked on craigslist, we went to adoption fairs at the local pet store, we went to the humane society. After much searching, on Sunday, we went to the local adoption satellite location for the humane society. We figured it is now "kitten season" (I had no idea such a thing existed) so there was a good chance that there would be a good selection available.

We walked into the "cat room", and there was a cage (a large one) with one little, VERY noisy, black kitten. It was hanging on the side of the cage (kind of like Spidey), crying piteously. There was another kitten, in another cage, which intrigued me more, but that one wasn't too engaged. When the black one was let out, and I picked her up, she nuzzled me, cuddled me, and started purring, LOUDLY... (We were told that she had just lost her littermates, so she was a bit "needy"...) I had never even considered adopting a black kitten, and no I don't know why. But I never had. I don't have anything against black cats or black kittens, but it just wasn't something that occurred to me. But, there I was, with the cutest, blackest, noisiest kitten in my lap. My husband also held the kitten, and we both agreed that this was a suitable feline for our family.

So, fast forward about half an hour, and we're walking out of the store, with little "Kia" (the name on her adoption papers) in the cat carrier, howling at the top of her lungs. She's about as big as a minute, but the NOISE is incredible! My husband went to get the car, carrying the cat, and I swear I heard her across this huge parking lot!

We got her home, put the carrier on the floor, and let her out. She was freaked out! Luckily, we have (another ) huge pile of cartons/boxes on the floor in the living room, providing a wonderful "cat condo" for her to hide in/around/behind. She cried and cried and cried, so we ended up holding her for a couple of hours... The older cat came upstairs, saw this little interloper, and booked out of the house faster than I've seen her move in weeks! In other words, totally normal.

We've made it through two nights, with minimal crying. Baby Kitty #2 has learned to leap up/climb up onto the sofa, the cocktail table, the bed, and anything else she can get on. She found the catnip-filled "mousie" that I had bought for Baby Kitty #1, and is hunting it successfully. She flings it around, plays with it, and comes over and drops it at my feet. I then throw it across the the room, and we do this for hours. Until kitten collapses. She tries to crawl into our cereal bowls, bites our shoelaces, walks across our laptops' keyboards, and falls asleep on our laps.

We still don't have a name for her. Nothing has really occurred to us... yet... Frankly, she has the cutest little face, just like a bat. I can't call her "Dracula", probably; however, what about "Bram"? (as in Bram Stoker) My spouse thinks "Boston" is a good name. Don't ask. This is really his kitten, and I think she's identified him as "her" human. Fine with me. I'm not feeling the instant chemistry that I felt with Baby Kitty #1 -- I don't know that I'll ever feel that again... But, she's cute and she's a kitten who wants, needs and deserves a loving home, and we'll provide that.

Ya gotta love it.

Cold Reception...

2009-06-17T22:12:00.001-07:00

As many of you know, this past (long) weekend, The Spouse and I were up in Eugene, Oregon, for our daughter's graduation from the University of Oregon. (Some folks refer to it as UC Eugene, but I would never do that...) We were only gone five days, but we had also been gone/out of town a couple of weeks ago, too, and a bit before that... Our cat was NOT amused. My faithful friend, Margaret, was kind enough to come by every day while we were gone, to check on the house and ensure that the cat had food, water, clean litter box and some transitory companionship. But, her human(s) weren't there, and that apparently flipped her out.

When we got back, the cat was very very very clingy, and stuck pretty darn close to us. However, she wasn't about to let us scoot by without letting us know that she is very very very mad at us. See the photo. Ya gotta love cats...

No, I Have Not Been Abducted by Space Aliens

2009-06-16T22:20:00.000-07:00

Really, I haven't. I will admit that I haven't been as diligent as I might have been regarding updating this blog, but that seems to be the norm in the blogosphere (or is it the blogsphere?)... Many folks start blogs, thinking they'll be the next supernova in the literary universe, and then, pffft! gone! Well, I'm sort of there, I guess. One of the very valuable bits of advice I got when I started this blog was: write something every day, regardless (even if it's drivel, I guess). Well, I didn't, and I don't. Shame on me.

But, I write many things in my head (!) and have a number of draft postings in various states of progress. So, I guess my heart is pure... Well, as pure as it ever gets! Frankly, I have to say that, since I'm no longer working at The Company (or anywhere else, for that matter), I tend to . . . drift . . . a bit, and that drifting can go on for weeks! I'm not sure what it is I do all day, but I know I'm busy, fiddling and fadoodling around...

However, I really have no more excuses. My daughter has now graduated from college (yea!!!), this past weekend; the situation with The Spouse and I has sort of settled down (fingers crossed); the kitchen remodel is complete and my kitchen is pretty much put back together, and all is well... OK, the sewing stuff is still in huge piles all around the house, but I fear that'll be the situation for months, if not years, so that doesn't count. And the bedroom really does look like a percussion grenade has gone off in there... gotta clean it up ... But, bottom line, it's time to whip myself back into shape and get on with it!

I have three posts that should be up in the next week or so. They are on issues of import to me. I've been posting to my FaceBook page, and I'm twittering (tweeting?) but I'm not sure about that one. (Twitter did reconnect me with one person who was very very important in my life years ago, which is a wonderful thing, so it gets 10 points from me for that...) Perhaps if I had a multitude of "real" (work) projects to work on, I'd post more, since I'd be procrastinating on those projects... Ya think?

This evening, I attended an "alumni" function, sponsored by the law firm I last worked at, before I went in-house. It was good to reconnect with a bunch of folks -- in a way, felt like I never left! And it's been about 20 years... I don't know that I could ever work in a law firm again, frankly, but it was a great way to learn the business and hone my skills. There are lots of really good folks at the firm, and I wish them all well.

OK, that's it for the moment... More to come, I swear!

"Just" a Cat? No way...

2009-05-18T18:08:00.000-07:00

Today, we had a very sad loss. Baby Kitty (a lovely cat, gorgeous, with at least three "official" names -- Coffee Badger, Snotspot, and Crema) was hit by a car on the street outside out house, and was killed immediately. I still cannot believe she isn't here, on the sofa, curled up in her spot, loving being close to her humans.

I know some will say, "Well, it was just a cat"... Baby Kitty was so far from being "just" a cat, I can't tell you. It's amazing to me that a little cat -- probably only about nine months old, and weighing maybe five pounds -- could leave such a hole in our lives.

Baby Kitty was a stray, as far as we know. She attached herself to a friend of my son's, in the parking lot of the local community college. As I understand it, she followed the friend to class, and that was it... He had to adopt her... Unfortunately, the friend couldn't keep Baby Kitty, so my son volunteered to adopt her.

When the spouse and I came back from Hawaii last month, we opened the door to our house, and there was this gorgeous little cat. Mostly Siamese, with the most incredible blue eyes I have EVER seen on a cat. She was small, but elegant. Her coat was cream and brown, and she had a black spot by her nose... Leading her to be named "Snotspot" by my son. I objected, because this gorgeous feline could NOT be saddled with such an embarrassing name... I called her "Crema" . . . not anyone's favorite name, but I had to put something down on the vet's paperwork. I could have called her "Latte" or "Frappaccino"... But, she was always just "Baby Kitty" to us...

This cat was extraordinarily attached to her humans. She loved to climb up on your shoulders, and curl herself around your neck, purring madly. If you were sitting in a chair, working on your laptop or whatever, it didn't bother her a bit to leap up on your back, navigate across your shoulders (sometimes right over your head), down your chest, across your lap, and then either keep on going or (as cats will do) lay right down on whatever it is you were working on. She would follow me, or The Spouse, on our daily rounds around the house and in the driveway and elsewhere on the property. She had to be RIGHT THERE with you... preferably, right under your feet...

She was a wonderful guard cat -- constantly on the alert for new folks who were coming into her territory. If she heard the contractors show up in the morning (we're having our kitchen redone), she'd alert us, her ears would go up, and she needed to fly out the door to inspect them, and whatever goodies they might have in their truck...

When I would wash the dishes, she'd run into the room, and flop down by my feet, or get up on the sink -- who knew what exciting things might happen, involving soap and water! When I'd water the plants in the garden, with my watering can (with the sprinkler attachment on the end), she'd be right there, trying to figure out what was going on, and liking the wet leaves... When I got into the bathtub, she'd get up on the rim, sit on the rim like the majestic feline she was, a dead ringer for some ancient Egyptian god-cat, and try to figure out what that mysterious thing was that stood between her and the ledge inside the tub (hint: it was water)... And, at dinner time, when I banged on the can of wet food, she'd come flying in from whatever adventure she'd been on, howling like a starved demon... After scarfing down her dinner (as well as the portion of wet food I'd put in the other cat's bowl), she'd jump up on the sofa with The Spouse and me, and curl up in "her corner", to lick herself, and finally just curl up for a blissful sleep. In the morning, if she was not allowed into the master bathroom (to wrestle the bath mat into submission and try and figure out why we were standing under a falling water stream), she'd cry and howl... And, if there were clean clothes folded on the bed, that was the best thing of all... a ready-made nesting place!

She recently discovered lizards -- small ones -- and was enchanted to find out how much more fun they were than fake fabric catnip-stuffed mice! She'd hunt bugs, too, and was starting to eye the birds that flock in the trees around our house. I don't know if she had yet discovered the deer that come down the creek each day...

Baby Kitty was pretty much all Siamese, as best as I can figure. She was sleek and elegant, and had the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever, ever seen on a cat. She was, all in all, gorgeous. I've had beautiful cats before, and Miss Pudge (our older cat) is pretty darn sleek herself (if a tad large), but Baby Kitty was . . . well, not sure . . . a stunner... She was a loving cat... I'd say she was almost dog-like in her attitudes, but that would surely piss off either the cat lover contingent or the dog lover contingent... She was the most mellow cat I've ever held... she'd just lay in your arms, not try to wiggle out, and let you futz with her to your heart's content... I shall miss her terribly...

So, "just a cat"? Hmmm, I think not. That's like saying, "just a best friend", or "just a husband", or "just a piece of my heart"... She livened up this house like a force of nature. She got Miss Pudge to move around again, after our really really old cat wandered off to a better place a few months ago... She wiggled her way into The Spouse's heart... She even got me to be a gibbering, cat-talking-to slave...

I sat with her in my lap for a while, before she was buried, stroking her, and telling her she was the best little cat ever, and the sweetest girl, and the prettiest kitten... She was still warm... I think she would have liked it, laying in my lap, in the gentle sun, under the trees, with a slight breeze... She is buried, wrapped in a beautiful blue towel that matches her eyes, in the corner of our garden, under the Japanese maple, behind the camellia bushes, close to the new azalea bushes that she was busily investigating just yesterday. There are dragonflies, and birds, and lizards to chase... I hope her soul (I'm sure cats have souls) (at least this one did/does) is enjoying her eternal play there... She'll always be in my mind and my heart, leaping through the vinca plants in the back of the house, pouncing on the bugs in the azaleas, and helping me dead-head the rhododendrons...

So, no, she was most definitely NOT just a cat. Like any beloved person in one's life, there will never be another like her. We miss her.

Mother's Day and Me...

2009-05-10T21:44:00.000-07:00

I was going to title this post "Ruminations on Mother's Day", but I used that big word on the last entry... Can't keep doing that...

So, today, I was thinking about being a mom. You know, when I was little, I never, ever thought about growing up, getting married and having kids myself... No doubt a result of my really miserable mother-child interactions as a kid. I did have a fantasy about being a kindergarten teacher, however... I really liked little kids, even when I was a young thing... (Maybe that was some deeply-hidden and disguised maternal instinct...) Anyway, I grew up, led an aimless (but exciting) life, and finally got married, again, at the ancient age of 32... Then, boom! The breeding instinct kicked in with a vengence! My husband and I never really discussed having children (at least as I recall), so it's unclear to me, sitting here right now, years later, how it was that I ended up getting pregnant. (Don't make any smart-alec replies, please, I'm not talking about the physical aspects of it...) But, I do remember checking the pregnancy test strip and feeling very weird when it showed "pregnant" ... Weird... Totally... Like, this can't really be happening... I don't think I was sick with my first pregnancy; in fact, I recall feeling wildly, hugely sexy, powerful and energetic! (I have photos of me, pregnant, and I think I looked a lot like a whale in drag...) I could only eat pizza -- and lots of it -- and drink Coca-Cola... Everything else made me queasy... I don't think I thought, a lot, about the whole transition that was to come, but I can't tell you why. The spouse and I went to all the childbirth prep class, but I thought it was all nothing to do with me.

And then, labor... Holy moley, talk about an eye-opening experience. Enough about that. Long story short, a day later, there I am, with this little thing squealing (quietly) in my arms. I don't think it hit me for a few years what I had done! Really! It just seemed pretty natural and non-dramatic. My son was the dream baby -- I thought all babies were like this, so I got pregnant, AGAIN. My daughter was a TOTALLY different experience from day one. And, it continues to be wildly different with each kid, to this day. If I wasn't totally conscious at both births, it would not seem conceivable that they came from the same set of parents.

Anyway where did I start with this post... Oh, yeah, Mother's Day... I still, sometimes, can't fathom what being a mother is all about. I keep thinking that, at some point, I'll wake up and I'll have a second chance to really be a mom. It has all gone by so fast... One day, they're little neonates, the next day they're all big and graduating college... What's up with that?

I think I've done a good job being a mom, all things considered. I didn't have a great role model, and my husband didn't have a great role model either, in terms of parenting... But, how many people do, really? I wonder about that... There are days I think everyone should go through some sort of (mandatory) parenting class(es)... But, how realistic is that... And, anyway, you never know how good a job you've done, really... I mean, the results last as long as your kids (and their kids) (if any) live... Usually, you're not there to know what's occurred. Or, even if you're alive, you'll never really know... It's kind of like tossing a message in a bottle into the ocean... you just don't know where it'll go, who'll find it, and where and/or when, and what impact (if any) that message will have. Or the message can be destroyed or eaten by a sea creature or whatever... Talk about a cosmic crap shoot...

Am I glad I went ahead and had children? Yes, I am. (Not that it would do me much good if I weren't glad... talk about barn doors and horses...) My children are fascinating to me. They have broken my heart and filled me with such love and joy, I can't even explain it. I don't consider them reflections on me, nor part of me. I think of myself as a vessel, through which they came into the world. They have no obligations to me, other than to be the best that they can be. Their failures are their own, their successes are their own. They are their own people. Individuals, whole and separate. I am thrilled that they seem to love me, and want to talk with me. (Believe me, given my history and my husband's history with our respective parents, that's HUGE...) I hope that they have good lives, find love, and have children if that's what they want to do...

So, yes, Mother's Day... I don't need brunch or flowers or something special. In fact, I cleaned up the tool room at our rental house, and shlepped pipe and wood and generally worked my butt off. It was fine. I cooked a great dinner, and had a nice glass of wine. I'm healthy, my hair looks good, my sense of humor is (basically) intact, and I have relatively full possession of my faculties... All in all, not too bad... Did I call my mom? Nope. Do I feel bad about that? Nope. Never even occurred to me... A shame, really, but that's the hand that was dealt to me. I wonder, sometimes, what cosmic lesson I'm meant to learn from all that...

I hope all of you are doing well, and enjoying the day (well, at this point, the evening)...

Cheers!

Ruminations on time...

2009-04-30T20:08:00.001-07:00

So, a few mornings ago, I woke up and lay there, thinking about time. Like, what day was it? And why do the days just seem to slide, one into another, in an endless, immutable, implacable, endless stream... It doesn't matter whether I get a lot done, or just sit around in a haze, or spend my day knitting or crocheting or thumbing through old issues of Oprah Magazine... the days pass anyway...

I had a lot more to say about the issue of time, but that was a few days ago, and by now I've forgotten much of what I wanted to say. Typical. But, today is nine months to the day since my last day at The Company. It seems like a week. My feelings are still quite abraded, and I'm actually (and surprisingly) very very bitter at my boss for the way he handled the whole issue. I wasn't irritated/upset/bitter for the longest time, but perhaps I was suppressing my feelings... (Ya think?) I'm apparently pretty good at that... A couple of days ago, I was driving back home from wherever, and was on the main drag in my city, where many of the buildings which are owned and/or leased by The Company are located. I stopped for a red light and, there in the crosswalk, right in front of me, was my former boss, just kind of schlumping along... He actually looked very small and beaten down, but for the slightest little second I thought, hmmm... what if my car had a malfunction? Bwahahahahaha... Nah, it was just a passing thought... I did, however, feel a surge of irritation, verging on anger, against him and what he did to me. The thing that bugs me, today, is that he totally f'd up my life (money-wise), and I'm pretty sure he didn't give it much of a thought. I'm trying very hard to get past that, but it's harder than it might be, since I'm not having any luck at all finding a job... Thank goodness The Company was good to me, and granted lots of lovely little stock options, and I had the good sense to exercise them periodically over the years and put the money to good use... So, I won't be living under a freeway underpass (at least in foreseeable future), but I still need to make the monthly payments... I mean, thank goodness for state unemployment funds, and thank goodness that The Spouse also is getting unemployment checks, so we're not starving, but...

Anyway, I am TRYING to keep this on a high, philosophical level... Ha! Time, yeah, that's what I was talking about. My daughter is graduating from college in a couple of months, and that is a shocker! These four years have gone by in a flash... I remember when she was in pre-school! And that seems like just yesterday! I think time is just a construct made up by old men, in an effort to mess with our mind... It's all too weird...

OK, nine months since I left The Company. Nine months is a whole pregnancy. When I was pregnant, it seemed like an eternity. But, it seems like yesterday that I walked out of my building, box of possessions in hand, totally devastated... Comparing the months since I left my job to a pregnancy really flipped me out, when I thought about it... I guess grieving takes its own time, doesn't it? I'm still having dreams about being back at The Company, which makes me very uncomfortable, but which I hear is quite normal. I think, if I had a new job, it might be easier. So, Universe, please hear this --- I need a job! Even a part-time or temporary job would be fine, thank you very much... Just something to get me out of this house!!! Aaaaccckkkk!!!

Breathe, that's it... Ommmm.... This is what happens when I'm not busy enough... Tomorrow, I'd pull weeds in the front garden, but it's supposed to rain... Maybe I can get to it before the rain starts? Maybe? Or not...

I am even boring myself tonight. So, enough for now.

Happy Earth Day!

2009-04-22T09:35:00.000-07:00

So, today is Earth Day... What should be a totally non-controversial day, you'd think... After all, everyone lives on the earth, and on this issue, we surely will all sink or swim together!

What have I done for the cause? I now use cloth shopping bags when I go to the market -- not good at remembering for other errands, but I'm trying. I keep them all on the back seat of my car, so at least they're available and handy when I drive around. I saw a pattern in my newest knitting magazine for crocheted market bags, that fold up into two little crocheted circle pieces (which are also part of the bag), and you can stuff the bag in your purse, since it's so small. That sounds like a good idea, since it would address the "oops I'm here without a 'green' bag" issue...

We also have swapped out a lot of our incandescent light bulbs in our house for CFLs, and haven't seen any degradation in light. We do have a floor lamp in the big living room that is a halogen one, and that gives off a ton of light, but also a lot of heat. I haven't found a decent floor lamp using or capable of using CFLs that is as good... A particular issue for me, since my night-time eyesight is not as good as it used to be, and I like to be able to read/knit/whatever at night.

What else... We recycle everything possible, although living in the area/country/time we're in, it's not as easy as it might be. We try and consolidate our errands. We are careful about water usage. We don't use our A/C at all in the house, but rely on fans. (Of course, the A/C really doesn't work very well, so why burn the energy at all...)

Yep, we are living saints... Ha! I wish we would/could do more, but we do what we can.

I hope all of you are being so terribly green today... I'm off to find something else to do to support Earth Day... But, it's not yet 5:00PM here, so it won't involve drinking any wine!

Cheers!

Viva Las Vegas...

2009-04-15T22:11:00.000-07:00

So, this past weekend, The Spouse and I went to Las Vegas... For those who know me, you're thinking ... what? why? huh? Well, The Spouse's sister and mother live there... His mother is 87, bedridden (from a recent fall and resulting broken hip), has dementia, and is still strong as an ox and intermittently sharp as a tack. She could depart tomorrow or last another 20 years... And his sister is taking care of her, full-time (the mother lives with the sister). I felt that, as part of supporting the current reconciliation with The Spouse, I should support a family visit. (The Spouse was there, in Las Vegas, at Christmas -- while I was in Paris with The Princess -- and he later commented that he really liked spending time with his family...) (No comment...)

Anyway, it wasn't too bad. The weather was cool, not beastly hot, so that was a blessing. The first two nights, we stayed at a hotel, and the third night we stayed with his sister, her husband and the mother in their new house, south of Las Vegas in a newly developed area. The house is top of the line, in a planned, gated development that's laid out for 200 homes... 14 have been built... Yep, the slowdown is hitting everywhere. The house is not my style, but lovely. I particularly liked the back yard -- very well thought-out for outdoors living (i.e., after dark in Las Vegas when you don't get broiled by the sun and the heat).

We went to a Cirque Du Soleil show ("La Reve") (sorry I can't figure out how to put accent marks in), which was faboo... I saw two shows by the CDS years ago, in San Jose, and was fascinated... The LV show is a bit more commercial than the earlier works, but still pretty eye-popping. This show takes place in a water environment, and that simply blew my mind. Gorgeous young people were leaping in and out of the water with abandon, and I was sure a couple of times that they would kill themselves... Well worth the money we paid for the show. One other night, we went out to a very nice dinner with The Spouse's sister and her husband, and other than that, simply wandered up and down The Strip (we only saw ONE Elvis impersonator -- must be a slow time of the year), had a drink and some pupus at Trader Vic's, watched all the incredibly drunken college students (it was apparently Spring Break week), and spent time with the mother and the sister.

Oh, and we also saw the exhibit "Bodies", currently at the Luxor. This is the exhibit that features the preserved, dissected bodies and body parts of various donors/volunteers. As a wanna-be scientist from way back when, I was fascinated and could have stayed there for hours and hours. Unfortunately, The Spouse turned a nasty shade of green, and hung back from some of the more interesting exhibits. The human body is one of the most fascinating and gorgeous machines, IMHO. When I was around 11 or 12 years old, one Christmas, I got "The Visible Man" as a gift, and spent hours and hours and hours painting it. (For those of you too young to remember, this was a plastic model of a human being, maybe about 14 inches high, with all the organs inside, also made out of plastic, and you got neat little bottles of paint and a teensy-weensy brush, and you got to pain the organs and all the blood vessels... Keen! I loved that damn thing... Anyway, there were individual body parts that, somehow, got dissected and preserved... The lungs, the heart, various glands, parts of the respiratory system (including a little bunch of alveoli -- my personal favorite word), and -- blowing my mind -- the three little bones in the inner ear (the hammer, the anvil and the stirrup) (I don't know or remember their correct names); those things are TINY!!! I know I had seen illustrations of them in some book, allegedly real-time size, at one point, but I had never seen them for real... There were also a healthy pair of lungs and a portion of a smoker's lung -- and there was a big plexiglass box next to that exhibit, with a sign urging folks to drop their cigarettes in the box and quit smoking NOW. The box was about half-full. I don't know why anyone would smoke one more cigarette after seeing that.

There were also signs throughout the exhibit, referring to the illnesses and stresses on the body that are caused by obesity... Well, pretty interesting, given the issue of what many folks in this country look like. I am consistently amazed when I travel around and see folks from other parts of the U.S. (i.e., other than California) -- the degree of "largeness" is jaw-dropping. I am at a loss to understand how folks can abuse their bodies like that. But, even going through the supermarket here in my area, the CRAP that I see in other folks' carts blows my mind. It's really hard to cook/eat healthily these days, I know that -- too many convenience foods, too many prepared foods, too much to do in too little time, blah blah blah... But, come on, folks... Chemicals, fat, salt, sugar... in moderation, not too bad; but, moderation seems to be a concept that isn't familiar with many people.

OK, enough of my judgmental ranting for the moment. But, it just kills me -- because the burden on the public health system arising out of this widespread obesity is not yet fully understood. And, the huge percentage of our children who are obese is pretty damn scary. And I'm not talking about the BMI measure of obesity (I think I'm on the borderline of obesity by their measure), but just the plain old eye-popping obesity one sees out and about... It's so so sad...

What else... The Great Kitchen Remodel is toodling along quite well. I'm absolutely thrilled and cannot wait to get my kitchen back. Cooking in the front hall isn't too bad, but shlepping dirty dishes from the front hall to the second bathroom, through the living room and down the hall, is getting to be a REAL pain in the patookie. And, the sinks in that bathroom are lovely but little, so you can wash like two cereal bowls and two small glasses at once, and that's it. I know, I know, I'm such a spoiled princess... So sue me...

And, the job hunt is disheartening. Jobs are scarce, at least for folks at my level of seniority. I did apply for unemployment insurance, finally, and got my first check a few days ago. I must tell you, I felt awfully odd, filing for unemployment. But, hey, I got over it. I didn't file for months, since I wasn't looking for work -- just hanging out and trying to maintain my sanity... But, once I did decide to re-enter the workforce, and started looking, I figured I was doing everything I was supposed to do.

Well, it's late, I got my feet rubbed tonight (at my favorite local Chinese foot spa), had oatmeal for dinner (comfort food), and I'm ready for bed. The seasonal allergies are making me nuts, and the wind has been brutal the past couple of days, so the pollens are beastly... My eyes are red and teary, and my nose is dripping... I look like I've been on some sort of cocaine-fueled bender for the past week... Ah, if only... No, seriously, that would be very bad. But I hate these allergies. I take meds for it, so I can only imagine what condition I'd be in without the meds!

More to come... In the meantime, I hope all of you are doing well... Anyone doing the "no poo" thing? If so, I'd love to hear from you...

Cheers!

Today's Episode...

2009-04-07T15:37:00.000-07:00

The title of today's post infers that there's been a series of (relatively recent/current) episodes... Not so much... What? Did you think I got kidnapped by space aliens? Was a victim of white slavers who discovered a fabulous untapped market for women of a certain age? (Ha! I wish...) No, nothing so dramatic. It's just that since my last post (was that a lifetime ago?), my day-to-day life has been in turmoil (as opposed to last year? ha! again), and I simply could not focus enough to write a coherent sentence, much less an entire post.

So, a brief bring-you-up-to-date post: On Inauguration Day, I went to my lawyer's office, and signed divorce papers; I called that the death of hope/birth of hope step. President Obama stepping up, me moving on. A few days later, my husband got on a plane to Asia, to see his True Love and celebrate Tet (the New Year) in Saigon and other parts of Vietnam. I was pretty darn upset that day, but got over it rather rapidly. I mean, once I'm presented with a set of facts, I deal with it and get on with the plan. It seemed to me that my spouse had made his choice, and there you go. Fine. I bought a new bed the very next day (!), bought some furniture, had dinner with an old friend (I've known him for about 30 years) and his kids (his wife is deceased -- she was my best friend in grad school and my kids' godmother), got kissed quite thoroughly by him (and wasn't that a lovely surprise), got new eyeglasses (very mod and not at all like I'd been wearing for years), got my hair dyed dark(er) (closer to my "natural" color) (to the extent I remember it), decided I would grow my hair into a Katie Holmes bob (as long as I don't have to deal with anyone like Tom C., her husband, I'm good), and perked up considerably.

Then, the husband sends an email from across the sea, and in that email is an "I miss you" statement. I'm thinking, what??? He's on a trip with his True Love, the woman he's ruined our marriage for, and he misses me? Hmmm... OK, we'll see what's up. He gets home, and is at my house within a few hours. Hmmm again. After a bit of chitchat, he says let's go out to dinner on Friday night, he wants to talk about some things. OK, fine. More hmmm... Friday comes, off we go to our usual Friday-night place (why not -- after all, I like it a lot and they make very very good Cosmos), and after a bit of hemming and hawing, he says that he realizes there's no future for him with his True Love, they have nothing in common, he doesn't want to live over there, she'd drive him crazy in short order, and they were getting the hairy eyeball from many folks on the street (there's a 30-year plus age difference). Hmmm, indeed! I could have written this script! In fact, I predicted it! He wants to reconcile with me, and what do I think? Wow. What do I think, indeed. We agree to both think about it for a week or so.

We thought about it, and after some serious inner wrestling with my feelings, I decided that we should try it again. I know, I know... I said that if he got on the plane, that was it -- all was over, period, finish. Well, as was said in one of those James Bond movies, never say never. So, little by little, he started hanging around more and more, and then finally stayed over one night, and then more nights, and there you go.

I'm cautiously optimistic. I mean, I've seen this video before, and it didn't end well. I call this chapter "hope in a cryogenic state" or "hope on ice"... I'm taking it day by day, and not investing 100% of my heart into this. I don't need to have it broken again. I am taking my husband's words at face value, and waiting to see how he acts. I think I'd like things to work out, for the long haul, because he's funny and fun and talented, and we have a whole lot of years together. Frankly, notwithstanding the most excellent kisses I got from my friend (and the knowledge that there are men out there who kiss just as well, if not better) (well, I'm not sure there is better), and that there are many men out there who would treat me like the queen or goddess that I am, I'm not sure that I am willing to invest the energy into locating, finding, getting to know, and getting comfortable with another man. Yes, I know, it's totally possible to live a wonderful, fulfilling life without a man. But, I probably would not choose to do that, at least right now. So, I'd be not only looking for a job (and that's another story entirely) but looking for a boyfriend/partner/whatever... I don't know that I really want to be doing that at this point.

So, bottom line, so far, so good. For today, anyway. Keep your fingers crossed. And I promise that I'll be more regular about composing witty, pithy, on-point posts. Or, not... I do have lots to say, but the thoughts generally occur to me when I have my hands in dirty dishwater, or when I'm in the shower, or when I'm just about to fall asleep. . . . And you know what that means -- they never, ever get written down!!! Rats!!!

And, remember, Yes We Can!!!

Walking Alone...

2009-01-19T17:05:00.000-08:00

This afternoon, it was so gorgeous out, I decided to take a walk through the neighborhood. Usually, in times past, my spouse and I would do the walk... We call it "The Loop". It is, in fact, a loop through the quieter streets of our area, and there are always interesting things to see. Currently, there are two new houses (the old ones having been scraped) being built. One is a McMansion, and it makes my teeth hurt to look at it, and the other is a one-level house, being put up by a "green" builder. Hmmm... The McMansion is, from what I've been able to learn, the "dream house" for a family. It's a huge puppy, complete with a full (finished) basement, which is the latest rage in these monster homes. (I guess it's for the nanny or the au pair or the grandma or some such thing.) This one is, IMHO, not even very well designed. And some of the materials are not Grade A... It is, in fact, a dog's breakfast. I'm reserving judgment on the "green" house, but thus far it is winning in the esthetics race simply by virtue of not being a hulk. The area is full of single-level houses, for the most part. The neighbors probably had kittens when the plans for the monster were revealed, and our city's planning department probably caved like a wet noodle. Makes me very irritated. And, they paid a fortune for the old house and the land, and no doubt the new house isn't cheap, either. Well, good for them. I admire people with more money than sense. :-)

But, the alone part. As I said, usually this is a walk I would do with my husband. He'd hold my hand and we'd do a nice stroll, critiquing the various houses, and just chatting away. It was extremely odd to be walking by myself. Then, I realized that it wasn't so bad. I could walk fast, or slow, or stop, without someone getting twitchy. I stopped here and there, and just took it all in. I thought of it as an allegory for the rest of my life: now walking alone, and not as part of a pair. And it's OK. At least, it's OK today. We'll see what it's like tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day. I have a feeling this will be a journey of a million steps.

Another upside of being a single person: I can cook whatever the heck I want for dinner! Sounds like a small thing, but when you've spent decades worrying about what Someone (no names) might consent to eat, it's very liberating. On the other hand, I'm finding it terribly hard to stop old habits -- the most prevalent one being the habit of taking care of my husband, noticing things in the store that I know he'd like, thinking about things to do or to cook or whatever that he might like. Rats! I need to get all those patterns out of my head! But, like everything else, it'll just take time.

I'm so excited about the Inauguration tomorrow. What a thrilling time in our lives... I never thought I'd see the day when a person of color was elected to the highest office in the land. About darn time, too, I think. I wish I was in D.C., just to be there. But, I'll have to content myself with watching on TV. It just gives me goosebubbles (as my kids used to say).

I hope you are all doing well. Cheers!

Random Musings from Domestic Goddess Land

2009-01-18T11:45:00.000-08:00

Well, I know it's been a while since I posted, but I must admit that I'm more than usually scattered these days... Contemplating the reality of divorcing my husband of 28+ years, particularly under these circumstances, is really mucking with my composure far more than I thought it would. Hmmm... Yes, I know everything works the way it should, in the long run, but in the short run it's a real pain in the butt. And, yes, I also know that I am blessed beyond all contemplation, and that I ought not be whining about this, given that so many people in this world have faced, are facing, and will face, challenges far more wrenching than what I'm going through. However, I'm me, and my reality and my life are really the only reality and life that I can truly identify with, so that's what I need to work with.

Actually, to be frank, things are getting better. I don't get hysterical any more, or slide into the trough of despair for days at a time. Now, when I cry, it's maybe -- maximum -- five minutes, and when I get terribly sad, it's for a relatively short period of time, and then my natural sunny disposition and optimism kick in. As I think I mentioned, I've been mourning this relationship for over a year already, as I fought to keep it intact. So, there's only so much grief one can go through on a subject like this before you start turning the corner (all things being equal)... That's my take on what's what right now.

Last night, I watched "The Notebook". Yeah, I know it's an old(er) movie, but that's what was in the Netflix queue. Wow! I didn't expect to like it as much as I did. I think the story really resonated with me, given my current situation. Not that I'm descending into senile dementia (as far as I know) (!), but the story of an enduring love, and the maturity of the two leads, really spoke to me. Yeah, it is a chick flick and a tear-jerker, but it suited me at this particular moment. (Normally, the Netflix queue had weird stuff in it -- 1950s-era Japanese movies, odd foreign films, shoot-em-up movies, and god knows what...) (I think I asked for this one to be put on the queue...) Anyway, it was nice. It was the last movie on my husband's Netflix account; now that he's decamped and is living elsewhere, I need to set up my own Netflix account. More money out the door, and no money coming in right now... Blecch...

Anyway, back to my title... Last week, I made my first pot roast. Do not laugh. Yes, at the age of 61, I decided I could tackle this challenge. (Like one of the easiest things in the world to make, of course...) I have very fond memories of the pot roast that my friend Joanne's mom used to make. We (Joanne and I) would often be put in charge of putting up the pot roast when we got home from school (I would hang out at her house quite a bit -- listening to LPs of Broadway musical shows) (to this day, I can probably sing many of the songs from most of the hit musicals of the 1950s and 1960s), and she would take charge of the mysterious ritual. I remember tomato sauce and potatoes and wonderful smells. My pot roast wasn't exactly the same, but it was pretty darn good. Lots of red wine, onions and garlic... How could it be bad? And I put in LOTS of carrots and potatoes. Yum. I may make it again! And, last night, I made BBQ ribs (ok, well, I heated up the pre-cooked ones), and roasted a whole pan full of little red potatoes. I love roast potatoes. I cut them up rather small, tossed them with lots of olive oil, salt, pepper, and rosemary leaves (or "twigs" as I like to call them), and they were yummy. I love to cook, I really do. For many years, I simply didn't cook all that much, due to work schedules. What was I thinking? Ah, well, now I can indulge. As long as my son lives with me, it's like having a black hole that will consume everything I cook...

Another item on the domestic goddess list: sheets. A couple of listings ago, I mentioned flannel sheets as a remedy for a cold bed (now that I'm sleeping by myself). I was musing to myself that flannel sheets are good, but fleece sheets might be even better... but, I had never seen such a thing, so I shrugged it off. Then, a couple of days ago, I was looking through The Country Store catalog and, lo and behold -- fleece sheets!!! Yesss!!! I may just order a set...

Finally, I want to know where all the dust bunnies come from. I swear, I sweep my floor daily, and yet, for reasons I don't fully understand, the dust bunnies mate and reproduce during the night. What's up with that? I really don't think it's fair. I'll be sitting on the sofa, minding my own business, and all of a sudden a dust bunny will waft across the floor... like a tumbleweed in an old Western movie... Sneering at me as it wanders across my family room. I'm taking this personally now. Between the dust bunnies and the kitty litter that Special Needs Kitty loves to track through the entire house, it's a laugh a minute around here, keeping up with things. In the good old days, when I was working at The Company, I had a house cleaning service come in every other week. For some reason, they seemed to terrify the dust bunnies, because I saw very few of them then. Perhaps they (the dust bunnies) know that I'm in economic straits and they're messing with me... Rats! I may start going without my Sbux coffees, and seek to afford the house cleaners again... THAT will teach those dust bunnies!!!

I did collect myself sufficiently this past week to go out and purchase some new appliances for The Great Kitchen Renovation. I bought a refrigerator, a range and a dishwasher. I about passed out when I saw how expensive everything is. But, then I figured I was supporting the resurgence of the US economy with this purchase so I gulped and slid my credit card across the counter. And I'm not done yet. Still need a microwave, a range hood, and a sink and garbage disposal. One would think all this would be easy but, apparently, the whole process is very involved. Range hoods, for instance. This is going to be free-hanging (i.e., not hooked to a wall), so it needs to look good on all sides. I'm finding that these puppies are hideously expensive. But, to go without a hood means a custom-designed and constructed downdraft system, that needs to have the team ripping out a wall and monkeying with all sorts of things. OK, easier to do a hood. Fine. Whatever. But, then will come the fun stuff -- handles for the cabinets and faucets for the sink. I don't know why, but looking at these little fixtures cheers me up immensely. I even swapped out the faucets in two of our bathrooms a few years ago, and that makes me grin every time I see them. Go figure.

Well, it's time for lunch. Maybe I'll splurge and go pick up some yummy sandwiches at the local sandwich shop. After all, the first of the playoff games is about to start, so no one wants to leave and go wandering while the games are on... I don't get it, personally, but there you go. I just hope my stairs get rebuilt before Easter...

I hope you are all doing well, wherever you are. For those of you in the East, I hope you're keeping warm. For those of you in the sunny West, don't waste water, because we're going to be hurting in May!

Cheers!

Happy Birthday to Meeeee.....

2009-01-09T13:53:00.000-08:00

Yep, it's today... I am 61 years old, which sounds like some kind of very bad joke as far as I'm concerned... I mean, I am really only 17 years old -- well, maybe 18 -- but not more! Really! I don't know who that lady is in the mirror in the morning, jeez! She used to look an awful like my mother (and alarmingly like my grandmother), but after that recent surgery, not so much... (I am nothing if not au courant with a bit of nip-and-tuck...)

So, what have I done to celebrate? Well, yesterday I bought myself flowers -- beautiful purple iris and a clutch of bright yellow tulips -- they look gorgeous on my dining table. And, this morning my son asked me out to breakfast. I paid, of course, but it's the thought that counts. I got lovely emails from some friends, and had a yummy lunch with a buddy with whom I worked at The Company (and I miss her dearly -- it was great to see her). Later this afternoon, the sip-and-sew ladies will meet me for a drink and some munchies at a local Cal-Mex place (great margaritas there), and that will be great. And, finally, the soon-to-be-ex spouse asked if he could take me to dinner. Hmmm... I weakened and said fine. Not a good idea, but he got me in a weak moment. (One too many Cosmos, I guess.) But, after dinner, I shall send him back to his new home, so he can contemplate the cost of his decision. I spent the morning boxing up many of his clothes (I folded them neatly) and put together a bag of hangers for him. (I am a true queen.) I shall go in a minute and box some more of his clothes. Very therapeutic. (And why am I not letting him do this? Because I want it done now.) I think he would, if left to his own devices, keep half (or more) of his stuff here, so he's neither moved out nor truly living here. He'd also like to be a "friend with privileges", I think (only because he thinks it would make me "feel better"), but I'm thinking not so much...

I think I will knit a bit, too... Talk about wasting time on a gorgeous winter afternoon... And maybe do some more housecleaning. Yep, I know how to boogie down on MY birthday!

(Let the record reflect it's also Joan Baez's birthday... and Richard Nixon's! What a constellation...)

Hope all of you are doing well...

Cheers!

Well, shoot...

2009-01-08T14:06:00.000-08:00

So, here I am, in the post-Discussion phase. The spouse has relocated to our rental house, located about an hour from the family house. (Interestingly enough, he only took a few things... So he's sort of here, possession-wise, and sort of not...) (I boxed up some of his stuff today, and found it therapeutic...)

He's been at the family house off and on, taking care of chores, etc. It's been odd, having him here, since he doesn't live here any more. I'm sure this is a familiar scenario to many of you, and it certainly isn't uncommon in these days of rampant divorce, but it's new for me, and I don't like it. We have, from time to time, fallen into discussion patterns or behavior patterns that are "normal" -- then, one of us will say, "whoa, we're getting divorced..." It's like we forget what's going on... Very disconcerting... (I'm sure he'd love to hang out here quite a bit -- it's a warm, comfortable home; there's good food, a huge flat-panel TV, cable, Internet access, hot water, etc., etc.) (But I'm a little too old to even consider a "friend with privileges" scenario, PARTICULARLY with him!) Hey, he's made his choice, and I think it's time he started to understand the price of that.

This divorce is NOT my choice, and is something I fought hard -- very hard -- to avoid. But, the first night I spent alone here, it wasn't all tears and crying and sobbing and hysteria. In fact, I read my trash novel as long as I wanted to, without worrying about whether keeping the light on was disturbing someone; I wore my flannel PJs (!) AND socks to bed -- "full battle gear" as it was referred to once, which pissed me off. It was cold (no human furnace next to me), but I have a plethora of quilts, afghans and blankets to address that issue. Flannel sheets are an alternative as well, I'm told.

To keep me diverted and not sitting and staring into the distance, and whining, I'm starting the Great Kitchen Remodel, and that will keep me occupied for a bit. I am also planning to buy a new bed, and re-paint and re-accessorize the bedroom. My therapist gave a huge thumbs-up to that. I may even buy some foo-foo sheets -- perhaps pink! or ones with a pattern! maybe even some ruffles or lace edging (no, hold that thought)... And more pillows on the bed! Yesss!!!

Tomorrow is my birthday, and of course he's said nothing about wanting to take me out to dinner (not that I think that would be a great idea, but the gesture would have been appreciated). I'm meeting the sip-and-sew ladies for drinks and munchies at a local Cal-Mex place, so that should be nice. And, perhaps I'll drag my son out with me later in the evening to split a molten chocolate cake at the local bar where the spouse and I would usually go on a Friday night. (Note, please, that last year on my birthday -- a "biggie" -- while I was out with the girls doing a little post-work drink, he was sitting at home, sending a love letter/email to The Other Woman... Better that we're not together this year, so I don't get all whipped up...)

I know, in my head, that things will be fine. When I think of what I've gone through over the years, and the facets of my spouse's personality which have come to light, particularly over the past year-plus, I think it's probably for the best that he won't be in my life as my husband. I want, need and deserve a partner who will be honest, considerate, articulate (on the rare occasions when he does talk)(!), and proactively affectionate. (No, I'm not talking about a dog...) At this point, I can't say that my current husband rated very high on any of those indicia. So, perhaps this is all for the best. I know I've always said that things work the way they're supposed to, so I need to stay with that philosophy and see what happens.

Ah, well, "life after" continues. Cheers!

Welcome to 2009...

2009-01-03T15:57:00.000-08:00

I am soooo very glad to be back home in California! I loved being in Paris, but I most definitely did NOT like being cold. Yes, I know, I grew up in New York City, and it was bloody cold there in the winter... That is one major reason I do not live in New York City any more... It took several years after I moved to California for the permafrost to leave my feet! The last full day I was in Paris, I waited with my daughter at the bus stop in front of the Gare de Lyon, where the airport bus stops. We waited about half an hour. I had my new lovely warm boots on, but even the thick rubber soles and the sheepskin innersole did not stop my feet from getting cold all the way through. And my feet stayed cold even after I was back in the flat (which was nice and warm) and all night, and really didn't ever get warm even on the (overheated) planes home! (I know, whine whine whine...)

My spouse picked me up at the airport, which was nice. He had spent the Christmas holiday with his sister and mother, and the extended family, in Las Vegas, which he enjoyed. He said it was cold there, too! Our house was still standing when we got home, although it was messy. Our son is living here now, and he did a fair amount of entertaining, apparently...

The next morning, the spouse and I had The Discussion. He confirmed that he doesn't see a future for us, as husband and wife, and wants to proceed with a divorce. We've spent the last year, trying to keep our marriage intact, but apparently it didn't work. This makes me very sad. I've been sad for a year, and have spent the year mourning what could have been. However, I don't look on it as a wasted year. I know that I did everything I could do to save the marriage. It's a pity that equivalent effort wasn't made by the other side. We've spent the time since then discussing logistics and scenarios and the minutiae of disentanglement. It won't be a quick-and-easy unwinding of the relationship, given our two houses and all the crap -- er, precious collectible items -- we've collected over the years. He would love to get a quickie divorce, so he can be free to pursue his Great Love (i.e., the Other Woman), but California does have a six-month waiting period. Personally, I'm going to need all of that time to work through the issues in my own heart and head. If he's smart, he'll take that time to do the same.

Obviously, this is not the way I wanted our story to end. I've spent months toying with shreds of hope that floated my way, but I think I've been indulging myself in unwarranted fantasies. At times, I was the only person on the face of the earth who thought it might be a good idea to stay married to my spouse... Looks like I finally got out-voted on the issue. I am told, by wise women, that the future will be good, and I will find that I will be happier than I could ever imagine, once I walk through the fire... I hope I can believe that, because I sure as heck am not a happy puppy right now... Relieved, perhaps -- once one has lived for a year with a sword dangling over one's head, it could be a relief when the sword finally drops. I didn't realize how sharp the sword would be, but at least I know what's what. I've never been the kind of person who deals well or happily with "what if's" and "could be's"... I'm far better and sizing up the facts, analyzing them, making a decision, and implementing the decision. Unfortunately, in this particular situation, the grief and sadness is somewhat interfering with my normally pretty clear-eyed and razor sharp minded abilities.

Well, the title of this blog was chosen intentionally. So, now I'll get too see what "life after" means in the context of a divorce. It's just such a waste, in my humble opinion, of so many years. Yes, there were bad times, but there were also good times. And there were promises made. Shoot.

On the up side, I have my health, food in the cupboard, money in the bank, great kids, lots of wonderful friends, a car that runs, and no outstanding warrants (that I know of). So, there you go...

Stay tuned for more dispatches from the front lines.

I wish you all a fabulous, healthy and happy 2009. Cheers!

Très Froid!!!

2008-12-27T12:39:00.000-08:00

Oh, yeah, mama -- it was COLD here in Paris today. The weather forecast this evening said it was 2 degrees Centigrade (not sure what that is in Farenheit), and I can tell you it got colder as the day went on. The Princess and I went to Sacré Coeur for our outing today, and although the weather was spectacular, we froze our patookies off... I had the foresight, today, to wear my thermals under all the layers, and I was glad I did. The only parts of me that really were cold were the parts that weren't covered! I did try and pull up my scarf over my nose and mouth, but all that accomplished was to fog up my glasses. Not so good.

The whole neighborhood around Sacré Coeur was packed with tourists from every place on earth... I even heard some Brits today, being loud and looking for pizza. (Not that I'm dissing looking for pizza, please understand...) We made it into the church, wandered around, sat for a while, and recovered from the walk up the gazillion stairs in the Abbesses Metro station... Note: none of the guide books I read mentioned that you might want to consider taking the lift up to the ground level at that station... I did wimp out and take the funicular from the street up to the level of the church, although The Princess toughed it out and walked up all the stairs.

After getting all spiritual, we stood on the various terraces and looked out at Paris. It was hazy today, so we didn't see much, unfortunately. We did talk about the movie "Amelie", which had some scenes shot right where we were. (That's a lovely little movie, and I highly recommend it.) Then, we went on a search for sustenance. Found a tea room, and we had a nice little lunch. Then, off to find an English-language bookstore, as we'd run out of trash novels! Went to WH Smith, on the Rue de Rivoli, and spent too much money. Quelle damage! Then, the idea was to walk down the Rue de Rivoli and hit Notre Dame. We made it as far as The Louvre, and threw in the towel... It was just too bloody cold, so back to the flat for tea, cookies, and rest. It was even too cold to go out for dinner (yes, in Paris)... Luckily, I had some supplies (pasta) (and wine), so we didn't starve. Thanks be!

My daughter goes home tomorrow morning, and I shall miss her terribly. We've had a very good time together. She's lectured me mercilessly on my life and what I need to do to move forward. I've nodded my head dutifully, but I know I shall disappoint her. Today is my 28th wedding anniversary, and I'm very sad. I do believe it will be my last wedding anniversary, and I'm taking it rather badly. I wish I could shrug and say, c'est la vie, and move on with a sophisticated air, but I can't, not quite yet. Maybe someday. Perhaps once things are verbalized and the dissolution process is in play, it'll be easier. Or, maybe not. But, historically, I've done well with facts, and not so well with what-ifs, could-be's, and might-have-beens...

I leave for the US on Monday morning, and I will be glad to get home. I've been fighting a nasty cold, and it's subsiding, but I'm really tired. And cold. And drifting toward cranky. I want to get home and get on with things. I need to whip myself into shape, emotionally, and I also need to start looking for a new job. Neither of which activities really make me feel terribly whoop-tee-doo... But, I shall suck it up and move forward. Like I have a choice...

I hope that, wherever you are, it's not as cold as here! (Or, if it is, that you, too, have thermal underwear...)

Christmas in Paris (France) (not Texas)

2008-12-26T08:11:00.000-08:00

I was writing in my journal last night, and at the top of my entry I wrote, "Christmas Day, 2008, Paris"... Wow... Still gives me a thrill to see that, regardless of the fact I've done a heck of a lot of traveling in my life. But, in all of that, this year is only the second Christmas that I've spent outside the US. (The first was 1968, and I was in Bombay, as it was known then... THAT was very strange, let me tell you!)

Anyway, Christmas here is, as far as I can tell, not as big a hoo-hah as in the US. There are displays, and trees, but not the oh-my-god-it's-everywhere-and-growing-like-King-Kong sort of presence that I see pretty much everywhere in the US (at least in the areas I observe). There were a fair amount of things closed on Christmas Eve, but also a fair amount of stores and restaurants open. And, yesterday, on Christmas Day, there were some stores open (not many, though). The Princess and I went to dinner at a friend's house, out in the western part of Paris. We rode the Metro all the way to the end of the line, and then got on a bus. We felt terribly adventurous! The dinner was lovely, and we (the three of us) knocked off a bottle of champagne and a bottle of wine. Yum... He (my friend) also tried his hand at making a Christmas pudding. It was not too bad -- his first attempt, and there was lots of dried fruit soaked in whiskey, so how bad could it have been? We got home relatively early, watched "Rebecca" (the original) on a DVD, and I passed out.

This morning, it was really cold out. So, being smart ladies, we woke up, turned over and went back to sleep until 11:00AM! Yikes! But, as my daughter advised me, we're on holiday so why not? We finally hauled ourselves out, and hit the Galleries Lafayette (again), to pick up a pair of gloves for my daughter that she had seen previously, and was brooding about. They are long gloves, which she wanted, in a lovely mossy green color, of the most delicious thin, luxurious leather. Yummy! Being a supportive mom, I also bought a pair of gloves (kind of an outdoorsy-type fabric, with fur cuffs) and a gold-color chain belt. I toyed with buying some perfume, but my inherent cheapness kicked in, and I decided I'll just wait to buy at home. I don't wear perfume as much as I used to, and I still have quite a collection, so why spend the money? I did see a gorgeous black suede handbag there, only (!) 250 Euros, but I shoved my hands in my pockets and kept walking. If I'm still hallucinating about it, I may go back and fondle it, and see if I can justify it in any manner whatsoever.

Then, we wandered down the street to the Printemps department store, and went to have lunch in their cafe. The dome of the cafe is gorgeous -- all stained glass, and worth the trip and the hideous amount we spent on lunch. And we didn't even have wine with lunch! However, I did talk the Princess into having a cup of hot chocolate, which was from Angelina's (they serve it at the Printemps cafe). The chocolate was as decadent and wonderful and orgasmic as I remember. And I don't even like chocolate. I had an espresso, myself, but then filled up my little cup, twice, with some of the hot chocolate. I don't know how any one person could finish off a whole pot of that stuff -- it's deadly. They serve it with a little bowl of whipped cream; you put a dollop on top of the chocolate, and it melts and basically you then just slap it on your hips and be done with it... No, seriously, it's insanely good.

To wind up our excursion today, we went to the H&M right across the street from Galleries Lafayette. Yes, we know that we could visit an H&M store pretty much anywhere, but this one is in PARIS, for goodness' sakes! And, amazingly enough, we each found something to buy! Given that apparently every piece of clothing in H&M is in Extra-Small, this was amazing. The Princess got a beautiful grey wool jacket, a nice little cream-colored cardigan and a foo-foo nightie. I found a black quilted zip-up jacket that looks quite snazzy on me, if I do say so myself. We agonized about buying some of the lingerie there, and I almost succumbed.

I was looking to buy a nice pair of dress shoes here in Paris, but I haven't seen anything I'd really wear. It's not that I'm averse to paying a hideous price (well, I am, but would be willing to some distance if I could find something), but the styles are just not what I could either walk in, physically, or what I would be caught dead in. In addition, some of the more outre styles look great in a display pair of shoes (usually like a size 6-1/2), but when you translate that to my size (9 or 9-1/2), not so much... Disappointing...

On Christmas Eve, we did make it to the Louvre. Oh what a wonderful, wonderful place it is. There are photos on my flickr.com photostream (not many, but a few). We really enjoyed it. Every time I'm there, I am just gobsmacked at how BIG that place is... They've done a nice job on the exhibit regarding the history of the Louvre, from medieval times to the mid-19th Century, to the present. I found it fascinating. We saw the Winged Victory, the Nike, the Mona Lisa, and the Venus de Milo. The museum was very crowded, but not as bad as I imagine it could be in high season. There were lots of Asian tourists (mainly Japanese, as far as I could tell) and a fair amount of other European tourists (lots and lots of Italians) (or, well, those were the only ones I could hear!), and some Americans/Canadians. Didn't hear many Brits. We also wandered through the shops under the Louvre, and found a Starbucks! I was very surprised to see one at all. We both ordered something, and the coffee was AWFUL. If there was coffee in that latte, I'll eat my hat. And there were no plastic cups there with "Starbucks/Paris" on them at all... For my collection, you know... Rats! We had dinner at a local restaurant, one with a Cuban theme. Their interpretation of chips and guacamole was interesting. I had two margaritas, and was on my butt.

Tomorrow, we are going to go to Sacre Coeur, and possibly wander the Rue de Rivoli (we were going to do that today, but it was too cold and we got too late a start). Tomorrow is my daughter's last day in Paris, so we want to wrap up the trip nicely. Perhaps a nice dinner out, too. Tomorrow is also my 28th wedding anniversary, so I'll be a bit sad, I'm sure. The daughter will have to smack me good, no doubt, to get me out of my blues. Sunday morning, I'll go on the Metro to the Gare de Lyon with her, and put her on the airport bus. Then, I'll need to get myself organized, as I go home on Monday. A long plane ride with a cold ought to be a lovely adventure. I may need to buy another box of mouchoirs!

Tonight, we're going to watch the remaining episodes of "The Tudors". Nothing like a little light history and some heavy-duty bodice-ripping to cheer us up! And, I swear, tomorrow I'm turning the alarm on so we don't sleep until noon.

I hope each and every one of you had a great Christmas Day, in whatever fashion you chose to spend it.

Cheers!

Still Breathing...

2008-12-23T06:36:00.001-08:00

Yes, the Princess and I are in Paris, and we're dragging. She arrived Sunday morning, but her suitcase did not. Apparently, it was still in Washington, D.C. Rats! So, after futzing around at the airport, putting in a claim, etc., etc., she finally arrived via airport bus at the Gare de Lyon over two hours after she would otherwise have arrived. Poor baby -- she was really really tired and upset when she got off that bus... I felt so bad! I bought her a brioche and a latte at the station, and then we jumped on the Metro and went to the flat. She pronounced it acceptable.

Our first outing was to the Musée D'Orsay, one of my favorite places in Paris. We walked through the barren Tuileries Gardens, over the Seine, and hit the museum. Unfortunately, I am in the process of coming down with The Crud, and she was both exhausted and jet-lagged, so perhaps it wasn't the highlight of her trip. But, I'm glad we saw it, and it was glorious as always. Then, we went back to the flat, rested up a bit, and then hit a local bistro (literally down the block) for dinner. It was a C+ meal at best; very disappointing.

Yesterday, we basically laid around all day, waiting for her bag to be delivered. The promised time frame was any time from 11:00AM to 3:30PM. Which really irritated both of us -- we're not in a hotel, and there's no old concierge lurking around who could take possession of the bag. So, we were stuck. We tried to call the airline's baggage desk all day to get an update, but those clever folks just don't answer! And, we found they work from 0630 to 1430 and that's it! What's up with that? I finally dragged her out for a coffee at around 4:00PM, to a local dive. It did not make her feel comfortable... Then, back to the flat to rest a bit more. Finally, at around 7:30PM, we decided to hit the pizzeria across the street for dinner (I simply did not feel well enough to cook); but, literally as we were putting our coats on, the luggage delivery service called, and voila! Her bag arrived! So, all is well in the universe. The pizza was about a "B", and that was that. We went back to the flat, and watched a couple of episodes of "The Tudors" (an HBO series). I was underwhelmed. Beautiful costumes, thin on plot and detail. But watching Sam Neill as Cardinal Wolsey was a hoot! He'll always be Reilly, Ace of Spies, to me! Then, to sleep. Apparently, I snored badly last night... Humpf... Well, I am quite congested and feel like dog meat, so I'm not surprised.

We swore that today we would be more active, and we were! First thing this morning, we walked to the local pharmacy where I picked up some migrane meds I had asked them to get for me. (Thank you, French health care system!) Then, off to the Luxembourg Gardens, one of my very favorite places in Paris. Then, to the Galleries Lafayette... The prices were jaw-dropping! I don't remember things being so expensive there, but then again I don't remember a lot. I bought a hat (as I had lost my other one), and spritzed myself with lovely perfumes. I may purchase one before I go home. Or not. We then hit the lingerie department, and it was astonishing. I don't think I have the chutzpah to wear some of that stuff. To say nothing of the fact that it was hideously over-priced (at least to me). So, pretty much a wash-out on the shopping front thus far.

We're off to have coffee with a professional colleague of mine later. He and I were on opposite sides of a monstrous agreement a few years ago, and we developed a deep appreciation of and respect for each other. We've never met in person, so this should be interesting. Then, I promised I'd cook here in the flat tonight, as we're both just wiped out. Then, early to bed. Not sure what tomorrow's activity is.

Please do check out my flickr.com photostream for the latest additions to the photo record of this trip!

I hope all of you are keeping warm and dry, wherever you are.

A bientot!

Okay, okay...

2008-12-19T04:06:00.000-08:00

There are a lot of you out there who, when you read this post, will mutter, "I told you so!" But, control yourselves and don't write and tell me. Yes, it's true, being in Paris is a darn good idea, and I'm feeling better already.

So, I'm in Paris, as you know, and it's pretty nice weather (a blue sky, no rain, not too cold), and I'm not weeping and whining about my bad marriage. In fact, I got up this morning, had tea, a shower, breakfast, coffee, and went out to explore. I'm staying in an area I hadn't explored before (the 11th Arr., right next to the Marais). In many ways, to my outsider's eyes, it's a lot like other parts of Paris. But what do I know?

On my travels this morning, I went to a pharmacy, got some ibuprofen (the guy behind the counter -- who used to live in San Francisco -- offered me something with codeine, but I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet and get it), visited an ATM, went to a different market, and then went into one of the older/oldest markets in Paris, and bought a chicken p'stilla (or b'stilla) (the marvelous Moroccan pastry with meat filling) for lunch, and traded compliments with the woman behind the counter. She said I have a VERY good accent, and that she could understand me quite well! And the b'stilla was positively absolutely lovely and melted in my mouth. I got back to the flat and devoured half of it, along with a nice little beer. Life is good.

What amazed me is how my spirits lifted once I was out and about, and forced to speak in French. I smile, they smile, we all smile, and I don't feel so bad. I still managed to squeeze out a few tears, thinking about my spouse's behavior, but in general, perhaps I'm getting resigned to it. He's treated me badly and unfairly, and been extraordinarily duplicitous, and morally reprehensible, and taken advantage of me, and is pretty spineless, but there you go. Perhaps it's all for the best, because I needed something to ensure that I don't open myself up to yet more hurt from him. But, I probably will, you know... Sigh... I wish, truly wish, that things had turned out differently for us, but they didn't, so I'll just play this one out.

OK, enough whinging about that for the moment. Time to brush my teeth, put on my toasty new Ugg boots, and go walk the other way on the boulevard, toward Place de Bastille. Perhaps I'll feel a surge of revolutionary spirit! Or, perhaps I'll hop on the Metro and go to the Luxembourg Gardens (my usual -- up to this trip -- first activity in Paris), and contemplate my past, my present and my future. Then I'll get a coffee, perhaps. Or not.

I also saw little Christmas trees in the market; was sorely tempted to buy one. Perhaps not, though. Maybe a wreath? Just for the smell... Hmmmm...

Well, enough for now. More later. A bientot!

Bien, Je Suis a Paris!

2008-12-18T12:32:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm here. Easy flight from the US. I got upgraded to Business (yesss!!!), but was exhausted, and basically just slept like the dead all the way over. Actually, I'm not sure if I ever even had dinner! I was watching "Ghost Town", and I remember having my salad, and a roll, and the appetizer, and then -- poof! -- it was morning and we were half an hour outside Paris! Who knows... I also noticed that the wallpaper photo on my iPhone was different, and my earphones were connected to the iPhone and neatly wrapped around it. I have no flipping recollection of doing that... Elves?

Made it to the flat just fine. I've posted some photos on my flickr.com photostream for anyone who's interested. [NOTE: For some reason I do not understand, the URL for my flickr.com photostream does not seem to be showing up; I suppose if you go to flickr.com and search for "elinorina" you'll find it.] They should be on the front page, or in the set entitled "Travel". They're all titled "Paris 12/08" -- how creative... The flat is located conveniently (not too far from the Place de Bastille, near a metro), and it's in an older building (well, older for the US -- built in the 1800s, we think). It's on the first floor (i.e., up one flight of narrow, windy, wooden stairs), and it's a lovely big room. There are high ceilings, nice furniture, three big windows looking out onto the inner courtyard, a teensy weensy kitchen, a loo, and a shower/laundry room. I have beer, wine and champagne, and some decent cheese, bread, butter and jam. I'm set. Good radio, flat-screen TV, DVD player, Internet access. I am set!

Weather was cold and a bit drizzly. Hope it's better tomorrow. I'm too old and cranky to enjoy shlepping around in bad weather! I want to do a bit of exploration tomorrow, and see if I can find an ATM and a place to buy a French SIM for my travel phone. Then, I'll be set.

I can hardly wait for my daughter to arrive -- it's not comfortable for me, being alone here, and I know we'll have a great time together. I need to do a bit of planning and exploring before she gets here, so we'll have a bit of a plan. Having Christmas Day in the middle of our trip does cut down on some of the time we'd otherwise have to see things, but we'll be fine. We can always just hang out here, drink wine, read books, and watch DVDs. Not a bad idea! And I'll cook something. Not sure what, but something.

Well, I'm still tired, so I think it's time to retire. More tomorrow! A bientot!

Road Trip, Part 2.1

2008-12-16T19:08:00.000-08:00

So, tomorrow (Wednesday) I'm off to Paris to spend Christmas there with The Darling Daughter. It's been a good visit here in Massachusetts... I've enjoyed spending time with my best buddy, who turns out to be the only person I know who has more towels than I do! For that, a huge shout-out to J!!! It's been good, and relaxing. But cold. I really dislike Winter here in the Northeast. Big time. Today, I walked up to the center of town (maybe a 15-minute walk), and my forehead hurt, my cheeks hurt, my nose was dripping (well, surging), and I was really irritated. This is what I went through for the first 20 years or so of my life, every year! No wonder I acted out! Anyone would go mad in this kind of weather! And, the Summer... yucckkkk.... Hot, sweaty, humid, no let-up even at night... I was happy for about a month in the Fall and a month in the Spring, and that was it. I swear, the night I landed in Los Angeles, in April 1970, I thought I had died and gone to heaven! The sky was clear, there were stars, the breeze was soft as a lover's kiss... Ahhhh... I never looked back...

Anyway, I also had one of the best massages of my life this afternoon. An hour and a half. It was exquisite. I may survive the plane ride tomorrow... The lady who did the massage is the current girlfriend of my friend's housemate. I really liked her. She's very very very good. If I were here longer, I'd go back and get another massage! I will need to find a massage in Paris, as I'm sure I'll be all cricked up from the plane ride and my emotional turmoil.

I also finished my latest novel (as in reading it, not writing it) today, and did some crocheting on a market bag I want to use when I go shopping in Paris. (You know, it's just not au courant to use plastic bags any more!) And just kicked it. Bought a little teensy weensy bit of fabric at a local quilting fabric store (and a pattern for a retro-style apron), and a lovely little black camisole at a lovely lingerie store. So, major coups. Oh, and a big tote bag was on sale at the local luggage shop (I now have one in black and one in screaming lime green). All in all, a good visit. I'm sorry we live so far apart, as I'd really love to spend more time with my buddy... But, perhaps absence makes the heart grow fonder... I'd love for her to come hang out with me in California... Keep me company in my house, which will shortly be huge and empty (except for me), as I'm thinking the spousal unit will, once our decision is made, decamp to our rental house on the other side of San Francisco Bay, as he prepares for his second marriage to you-know-who... It will be heartbreaking and lonely, but I'm sure I'll survive. The first thing, I'll get a new bed. Out with the old, in with the new. And lots of new sheets. Symbolic? Perhaps...

I'm still really sad, and cried a bit this morning as I lay in bed, but not totally hysterical as I used to be. Although I'm sure that will happen at least once or twice again. But, I promised all my friends, and my son, that I would have fun and enjoy myself in Paris. And, I intend to keep that promise. My daughter will be there to kick my butt if I start wallowing. I am doing my best not to descend into bitterness and anger... But it might be hard from time to time... Right now, I'm still at the mourning (sadness) stage. Shoot, it's such a drag. I wish I could jump-start my recovery, but I guess it's one of those things that you just have to let do its thing, eh?

Well, time to tackle the suitcase. I think I need to sort things out and start using the second bag, or I'll never be able to lift the damn suitcase! I'm not sure why it is that I feel compelled to shlepp so much stuff with me... No doubt due to some childhood trauma...

May you all be enjoying yourselves, wherever and whatever.

Cheers!

Brrrr...

2008-12-14T20:34:00.001-08:00

So, I've made it to Massachusetts, and am staying with my best friend from high school. We were talking last night, and figured out that we met when I was only 13 and she had just turned 15. Jeez, that is AGES ago! But, we are still as funny and cute and compatible as ever. There were decades when we weren't in touch, and for the life of us, we're not sure why that happened. I deeply regret that. I would have liked to see her as a mom, raising her kids, and I would have liked to have had her get to know my kids when they were younger. Oh, well, much as in my marriage, you can't un-ring the bell nor change one day of the past. You can only accept where you are, and go on from here.

The weather is cold, much colder than I am comfortable with. Yes, one of the many reasons I picked up and moved to California (well, to be fair, elected to stay in California) was the weather there, vs. the weather in New York City, where I'm from. It wasn't even really really really cold here, nor was it raining/snowing/sleeting/etc. Just cold. I did remember to bring my thermal underwear, and that made it quite comfortable to be outside in my jeans. And, I bought new Ugg boots (not the traditional Ugg boots, but a more stylish pair), and they are toasty warm. I also have a sweater, a fleece hat, gloves, a scarf -- the whole shooting match! I'm told that tomorrow (Monday) will be Spring-like -- should be in the 50s! Woo-hoo! I'll wander downtown and meet her for lunch (she has to work tomorrow), and just generally hang out. What luxury!

Then, on Wednesday, I fly to Paris. Yep, it's tough, but someone has to do it. I'm hopeful that Paris will distract me from my sorrow and sadness, and that I'll enjoy myself. Right now, I am so very, very sad. My therapist (and my friends) (and many magazine articles) all assure me that many, many people have walked this path before me, and that I will get through it, but that I need to walk the path myself. I really dislike this pain. Really really really. I'm also so very angry at the circumstances. I truly thought that, if I beamed enough love at the issue, and tried hard enough, and directed enough energy into "fixing" things, all would turn out well. Unfortunately, that probably won't be the case. And, if one remembers what I said in a very early post, it's more than likely that, years from now, I'll look back and say, hey it all worked out the way it was supposed to, and things are fine. I keep telling myself that, and I must admit it's pretty cold comfort at this point in my journey. But, I really don't have a choice -- the journey was not my choice, but I'm in the middle of it, and I'm not able to go back, only forward. I just wish I were not dealing with such uncertainty from the other partner on this journey. I wish he'd just make a decision, so we can both move forward. Or, more accurately, I wish he'd just screw his courage to the sticking point and tell me what decision he's made, as I do believe he's made it. This is just driving me nuts... But, this unwillingness or inability to deliver "bad news" is one of the reasons we're in this mess. Ach, what a cluster.

Well, it's late, and I had way too much wine with dinner, so I'll sign off and attempt to sleep.

Cheers!

Hack, Hack, Cough, Cough... and Ruminations

2008-12-11T09:57:00.000-08:00

So, I've been really moving at about 30% speed for a couple of weeks. When I was wandering Arizona and New Mexico on my aborted road trip, I picked up some bug or other, and it hasn't gone away. (I am assuming that I'm a very gracious host, and the bug is moving in for the long Winter ahead...) I feel, occasionally, a little feverish, my chest hurts/aches a little, I'm hacking up little uglies (you know what I mean), and I break out into quite a sweat at the least effort. Hmmm... It's either a viral thing (in which case it will just run it's course, provided I don't exert myself too much) or, god forbid, pneumonia. (Years ago, I had pneumonia, and ever sense it's been with me -- if I get sick, it goes to my chest... I've been examined up one side and down the other, and all the doctors say I'm in fine shape... which I am, until I get sick!!!!)

Anyway, I've been taking it relatively slow this week. I did have lunch with two different buddies from The Company this week, and drinks with another alumnus from The Company (she's now working somewhere else), and it was SUPER to see each of them. I miss working with each and every one of them, truly. But, the more I hear about the nonsense going on at The Company, the more relieved I am that I'm not in the middle of the Dreaded Vortex of Stupidity... Last night, I did go to a holiday "do" at the home of the head of the local community college district. (I had applied for the empty seat on the district's Board of Trustees, but was not chosen, which is actually fine with me.) Lots of folks from the District and from the greater community were there. It was good to see everyone. The hostess recently lost her husband of 23 years, and I must say, she's holding up remarkably well. I think she's a lot like me -- a "tough broad" to the external world, but basically a cream puff inside... Her birthday is two days before mine... I think I'll drag her out for a festive dinner... with champagne. I think she's turning 60 this year, so she'll need a bit of hoo-hah for her birthday.

The other thing that has surprised me this week is: how many tears the human body can produce. I truly thought I could hold it together, and not burst into tears for these next couple of days here at home (before I leave on Saturday morning to go Back East, and freeze my katookies off), as a I contemplate the virtual certainty of my husband deciding to walk away from me and our marriage, to mary The Other Woman ("Her"), to fulfill some ill-conceived "promise" to Her (I'd use a more pejorative term for this female twit, but that would probably violate some blog guideline, and it would really be beneath me, in terms of dignity, so please feel free to fill in your own pet name for Her) -- to bring Her, and the daughter, to the US. This, of course, is on top of all the money we've sent to Her and the family over the past year... I personally think his obsession with Her is just irrational and heavily swathed in some Old White Guy/Young Asian Babe fantasy package, but what do I know. I think I am the only person on the face of the earth who thinks, even occasionally, that it might be a good idea to stay together and attempt to rebuild this marriage. Anyway, yesterday and last night, we had some pretty upsetting conversations, and I just fell apart. I am so MAD at myself for doing that... I really honestly thought I could hold it together for these last few days, before I leave for my time away, but apparently not. He says he "loves" Her and he must think that the heavy price he'll pay to be with Her (i.e., walking away from me, shattering his family) is worth it. I've thrown up my hands. What pisses me off is, all this past year, the repeated promises about staying with me and building a future with me... what was THAT all about? It would have hurt less, perhaps, if had just had enough courage to tell me, last year, that he wanted a divorce, and that was that. But, he didn't, and we are where we are. He also let me know that, yes, he calls her just about every day, "just to say hi". Really??? On the iPhone I gave him? Grrrrr....

Anyway, I am amazed at how many tears were left. And I am also amazed at JUST HOW BAD I LOOK THIS MORNING!!! If you're going to cry at night, I guess the thing to do is sleep (if you can) on a relatively high pillow, so the fluid doesn't settle into your eyelids and lovely little pouches under your eyes. Ask me how I know this... :-) Hahahaha...

So, today, I get to check over my wardrobe for the trip, make sure I've got all my thermal underwear laid out, that it's clean, that I've got boots and slippers and socks... Send some emails to contacts in Paris, to see who might be around to have drinks with, just for grins... I should go to the bookstore and see what materials they have on Paris; I mean, I've been there a bunch, but the sightseeing portion of my trips has been seriously hit-and-miss. Maybe, this time, I should be a bit more prepared... Hmmm....

Today is lovely -- clear and crisp. I may actually haul my sorry self off the sofa and go take a walk, and see who's doing what in the neighborhood. I love to check on the progress of all the remodeling and construction projects. The McMansions are invading our neighborhood, which is kind of sad. But, the City's planning commission (a limp bunch, IMHO) keep blessing these projects, for reasons I don't understand, so there you go. Being outside usually tends to cheer me up no end.

And, I am SO looking forward to hanging with my best buddy, JM, for the weekend and a few days thereafter. She's working up a head of steam to smack me around my head and shoulders for not kicking the spousal unit to the curb months ago. I guess she's got a point, but I've done what made me happy in the moment. [NOTE: Since I wrote the original post, my daughter has weighed in on this comment; it is her opinion that I was not doing things to make myself happy but, rather, taking the more comfortable path at the moment, because I am/was afraid of investigating the alternative, which is not being with the husband; it's been almost 28 years, after all, and over the past couple of years, I have very much committed myself to attempting to right the wrongs of the past. So, observation noted.] If, in the long run, that was the wrong thing to do, well, I'll take that risk. Who knows, anyway, what is right and what is wrong, between a married couple. (Well, there are some things that are clearly wrong, and I've either done or been the recipient of pretty much all of them.)

And then, off to Paris for ten days, with the Daughter (my Darling Daughter)! Yesss!!! It'll be totally odd to celebrate Christmas away from home, but it's what needs to happen. My first Christmas away from home was spent in India. Wow! That was really EXOTIC!!! My then-boyfriend and I were in India, so he could visit his family. It was my first trip outside the United States, and my eyes really were as big as saucers! We stayed in Mumbai, in the Taj Mahal Hotel (yes, the one that was decimated in the recent terrorist attacks). Our room looked out on the Gateway to India memorial, and I remember how disconcerting it was, to sit in the room window, to feel the warm breezes off the water, to look at the palms and the felucca boats, and to hear the traditional Christmas carols wafting up (there were a group of folks, down next to the Gateway to India, singing away)... Wow... Blew my mind! I'm sure that Paris will not be quite so exotic (or maybe it will), but it should be great.

OK, I think I need to go work on various little projects around the house. Tonight is our monthly sip-n-sew gathering, and I am prepared. Bringing both red and white wine, as well as little jars of my homemade apple butter for the ladies. Should be fun! No doubt the ladies will also smack me around about my marriage. Oh great.

I hope you are all ready for whatever holiday festivities you celebrate or engage in...

TGI Flippin' F!

2008-12-05T11:43:00.000-08:00

Oy, what a week... Nothing terrible, just felt like I was dragging... Well, I was... These undefined, vague viral maladies will kick your butt, and there's really nothing to do, other than rest and slug down some TheraFlu from time to time. I feel better today, thanks to copious ingestions of TheraFlu yesterday, and only one glass of wine with dinner... No Cosmo last night (I'm not nuts). And, it's a nice day here today (a bit crisp but lovely), have already washed three cars (so I'm not ashamed to be seen on the streets), and am getting ready to go run errands. Tonight, foot rub at the local Chinese foot rub spa, then the usual Friday night routine at a local watering hole (drinks, pupus and molten chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream). Life is OK... Other than the throbbing menacing presence just out of sight, behind that bush over there...

My daughter is getting ready for her first set of finals in her last year at college. I cannot believe how quickly the time has flown... She was in preschool just yesterday! I am so very proud of her, and all that she's accomplished over the past few years. She's a lovely young woman, full of common sense, generosity of spirit, compassion, empathy, and a wicked sense of humor. I take full credit, of course! She said earlier this week, in one of our many phone calls, that I must plan on attending her graduation. Well, no kidding! There are very few things in the world that would keep me away... actually, only if I were in the ICU, hooked up to a bunch of wires and tubes... and if I couldn't be moved... I will be bawling my eyes out, of course, but what a day to look forward to!

And, with regard to the son, I was cleaning out my sewing room (aka The Great Pit) yesterday, as I've been doing for weeks, and came across a journal entry, on a piece of notebook paper, that I had written the night my son was born (he was born just before lunchtime, so I presume I was somewhat coherent when I wrote the entry, as it appears to have been done at night)... It was pretty touching... I don't even remember writing it... I'll probably stick it in his baby book, all the better to embarrass him later...

I've also been expanding my LinkedIn network. I guess it's kind of like FaceBook for adults... I really need to get myself out there, and find a new job... I must say, I've enjoyed not working these past few months... I really really REALLY needed the rest, but reality is intruding. I could not have dealt with all the personal challenges in my marriage if I had to show up, bright and cheery, at an office every day, and perform. So, even though I was bummed at leaving The Company, as usual, things worked out for the best. I just need to have faith in fate!

Well, that's enough dithering. Off to run errands and grab lunch. I hope you all are doing well, and looking forward to a lovely weekend.

Cheers!

Yes, I AM a Domestic Goddess

2008-12-03T08:08:00.001-08:00

An interim post: The apple butter, if I may say so, is SUPERB... It's cooked way longer than I expected, and it still needs to cook a bit more, just to thicken up a bit, but it is yummy. I still think there's a tad too much cinnamon, but that's a minimal cavil. I cannot believe how a full crock pot of chopped apples cooked down to one-third of a crock pot full... Wow... Well, friends, there will be a lot of apple butter gifts at Christmas, I believe!

Now, I'm thinking, somewhere there has got to be a recipe for strawberry butter... But I need to wait until summer for that, as the strawberries that are in the store now are really tasteless... I still put them on my cereal in the morning, but they're not very good...

And, need to call doctor; am suffering from some undefined viral crap... Blast!

More later...

All Quiet on the Western Front

2008-12-02T20:13:00.000-08:00

Well, OK, I know that's probably a violation of some IP law somewhere, but I could not think of a decent title for today's post. Really, there's nothing going on. I'm back, in my own home, and loving it. I had no idea how MUCH I really didn't like traveling by myself, being in a funk, and being away from my home. It's funny when you think about it, because for years I really wasn't very comfortable in this house, and didn't think of it as truly my *home* . . . But, now that I really contemplate the chances of NOT living here in a couple of years, I find myself very much attached to this place. Also, having time to just hang out here, since I'm no longer working at The Company, has really made me appreciate what I have here... In fact, I'm a virtual domestic goddess these days... Am trying out a recipe for apple butter. I have no idea WHY apple butter, but know that I got a major jones going lately about apple butter. So, I bought a bunch of apples (Gala and Fuji), chopped them up, threw them in the crockpot with some apple cider, way too much sugar, and spices (too much cinnamon -- note for next time), and it's merrily cooking away... We'll see how it is in the morning.

Other than that, I'm just kind of riding the waves of my life. The domestic situation is in flux, my professional career is on hold, other semi-professional activities are all over the damn place, and I have no idea where I'll be a month or two months or three months from now. But, I'm feeling much more stable, emotionally, and have realized I just need to buck up and stop whining. There are far worse things that could be happening to me, other than the betrayal by my spouse... Truly... I have a friend whose husband passed away last week, and she's devastated. I have acquaintances who have serious illnesses, whose partners have died, whose kids are in jail, etc., etc. And, there are people in the world who are in far worse straits than I. This is the kind of stuff I think about. So, I'm promising myself to stop whining and moaning, and just hang out and see what happens, and roll with it. I have money in the bank (some), my health (pretty good), my looks (not too bad for an old bat), pretty good figure (all things considered), food in the cupboard, lots of trash novels and decent novels to read, lots of fabric to sew (!), and on and on... So, I shall knock it off...

I'm not feeling much Christmas spirit this year, however. Since both the spousal unit and I will be away from home on Christmas (our agreement to spend time alone covers the Christmas holiday, as well as our anniversary), we decided not to buy any kind of tree (real or artificial). And, since we've been horribly extravagant lately, we (well, he) decided that we won't be buying each other any presents. So, there you go. I should buy the kids something, though. My son excoriated me recently for just giving him cash the past few Christmases. (He is the one who criticizes me endlessly for all my errors and omissions, and sometimes he's actually sort of right...) My daughter doesn't criticize, but I really do need to figure out something interesting for her. Since she reads this blog occasionally, I will not disclose here what I'm planning... She'll just have to wait!

Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln...

Hope you all are doing well. Cheers!

The Best Laid Plans...

2008-11-29T19:57:00.000-08:00

So, remember how I was going to spend a week or more wandering through New Mexico? Well, it would seem that the fates had something else in mind for me. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am back in Cupertino! That is a hell of a lot of driving in a very short length of time. Good thing I like driving, but this was ridiculous. It was a 10-hour day for me today, and that's just about more than I've ever spent driving in my life! I did make it to Albuquerque, and toured around Old Town in the cold and the rain on Thanksgiving Day, but that was about it. I am irritated beyond imagining that I didn't make it to Santa Fe, or really have any down time at all. I did read a couple of novels, and got a fair amount of sewing done on my Hawaiian quilting project (a table runner), and did some knitting, and a lot of thinking, but...

Anyway, all is well, or as well as it can be, under the circumstances. I did enjoy driving through the high desert. It was amazing to me that the high desert of California, and that in Arizona and New Mexico, are so wildly different! The high desert in California is very much volcanic -- like the ground was gunched together, and the mountains were formed. In Arizona and New Mexico, you can plainly see that, once upon a long, long time ago, some pretty impressive water or ice flows went through there, and carved away at the rocks, leaving these incredible formations... I love the striations in the rock, and the gorgeous colors. It was very very soothing... Driving through Arizona, you cross these washes (dry creek beds). One of my favorites was Holy Moses Wash. There's also a "lllavar wash"... I can't figure out if that's an upper-case "I" (eye) followed by two lower-case "ls" (ells), or what. My recollection is that "llavar", in Spanish, means "to wash". Too confusing for me, makes my head hurt.

As I was driving along, there was an announcement that came on the radio, recruiting subjects for a "medical study" on General Anxiety Disorder. I listened to the so-called symptoms, and frankly it just sounded like I used to feel every day when I was working at The Company! Who knew? I would have checked myself in somewhere, had I known I had a "disorder"!!!

Well, I am working on my zen attitude. Going with the flow. Breathing. Waiting to see what tomorrow holds. Ought to be a laugh riot. Or not.

Cheers!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T10:38:00.000-08:00

Well, here I am, in Albuquerque, New Mexico, on Thanksgiving Day, 2008. Who could have predicted this? Last year, Thanksgiving was hideous, as it was the day on which I discovered my spouse's bad acts... I had hoped that, by this year, things would have gotten resolved. However, we're still in the throes of a dying marriage, I think, and it's a painful, lingering death. Maybe. Who knows... But, here I am, and I have lots of great friends, money in the bank, nice clothes, food in my cupboards, and a decent life expectancy ahead of me... So, it could be a heck of a lot worse, and I just need to stop whining and moaning...

I woke up with a hideous headache, to a cold, grey sky, and rain. On the upside, I found the Starbucks -- right across the street! I'm not sure if I'm coming down with a virus of some sort, or whether it's altitude issues (one wouldn't think so, since I've been high up for a couple of days), or -- perhaps -- it's a mild hangover (okay, two Cosmos last night and no dinner and then the jacuzzi might, just might, have had something to do with it)...

The drive from Flagstaff to Albuquerque was easy, and it's always great to see the magnificent landscape of the desert. Truly amazing rock formations... I don't think I'd want to do this drive again in this lifetime (!), but I've enjoyed it thus far. Later today, if the rain lets up and my headache abates, I'm going to take myself off to Old Town, and walk about. (Yes, I know everything will be closed, but that's OK... I need to get out of this hotel room!)

I was planning on staying here until Saturday morning, and then heading up to Santa Fe for a few days. Unfortunately, plans have changed (the way they have a habit of doing), and I'm going to have to head back to California, to attend a Board meeting of an organization I'm seeking to join, on Monday night. Blast! But, it's the right thing to do. So, I'll pull out of Albuquerque tomorrow (Friday) afternoon, and haul my sorry self back to California. I'm really so not looking forward to that long drive, right on the heels of the first drive... I did think about flying to California and then flying back to New Mexico, to resume the road trip, but there are other things that I need to attend to in California (including a memorial service for a friend's husband who passed away last week -- I had no idea, and she's really having a hard time, as well as another Board meeting on 12/8, which I will have to be at, if I'm one of the finalists for the position), so I think it's time to just bow to circumstances.

However, I still have my reservations to take off on Dec. 13th, for the East Coast, and then on to Paris, for Christmas. That's all bought and paid for, and it would take something massive for me to call that off. Like, I'm not sure what... But it would have to be spectacular.

Well, that's it for the moment. I hope all of you are enjoying the day, and take care!

Day Two

2008-11-25T16:03:00.000-08:00

So, what happened to Day One? Well, it didn't get blogged about... I got on the road on Monday around 11:00AM, which was later than I wanted, but way too much to do -- threw too much stuff in the car, including two suitcases, and figured I'd sort it out later. It was a long haul from Cupertino until I hit I-5, including going across Route 152... Driving was actually pretty easy, although punctuated with bouts of crying. (Silly girl...) I stayed in Barstow, California last night, at a pretty nice Best Western. Had dinner at the local Carrow's, and spied the Starbucks...

This morning, had a quick bite at the hotel, hit Starbucks, and got on the road by 8:15AM. I actually slept pretty well last night, which was amazing, all things considered. (Thank god for Ambien CR...) I really enjoyed driving through the high desert... Just acres and acres of sky and scrub and not much else. The colors are beautiful -- muted and harmonious. The one thing that struck me was how many freight trains I saw, everywhere along the way! Got gas in Needles, had lunch in Kingman, and have stopped in Flagstaff, Arizona for the night. I opted to get off the road now (about 4:30 local time), rather than pushing on to Gallup, New Mexico. I have some work to do (applying for a position on the local junior college board of trustees), and I figured I would get to work on it now, before I get totally dingy.

I am still somewhat morose about this whole road trip, and feeling irritated at being, in essence, forced to be the one who left and is wandering around. I know it's absolutely positively the right thing for me to do, but that doesn't mean I'll do it gracefully. I'm not good at that sort of thing (doing things gracefully, that is) (particularly things that are good for me). Perhaps, at the end of it, I'll feel differently about it. Maybe.

Hope all of you are doing well!

Monday and Hysteria

2008-11-24T08:28:00.000-08:00

Well, okay, not really hysteria, just angst and anxiety. Packing for the road trip is in progress. Most of the home-based chores are done, I've printed out my step-by-step driving route (thank you, Auto Club!), have all kinds of safety supplies in the car, and (from what the pile looks like) everything I own needs to get stuffed into two suitcases and numerous tote bags!

There's more than a little irritation in me right now, about leaving my own home -- why should I leave? Why shouldn't he be the one to decamp? Well, because my little bird, you're the one who needs to put some time and space between you and him, remember? To bolster the cutting of the emotional chains? Remember all that? It's easier to leave today, because he's not here. (He's in Southern California, retrieving the two old Jaguar cars we bought in the UK...) It is hard enough as it is.

I'll probably poop out earlier than I'd like today, and stay somewhere in Southern California. (I have visions of passing out along the road in Death Valley...) Hopefully, will be pulling into Albuquerque at some point tomorrow (Tuesday). We shall see. I'm looking forward to this, I think... Oh, hell, I'm not sure what I'm feeling! It's my hope that, by the end of this trip, I'll have a little more clarity in my head and in my heart.

To all of you out there who have been so supportive, there are no words to thank you for all the love and care. I do feel it, trust me.

Take care of yourselves on this dreary Monday...

Time and Pain

2008-11-22T20:47:00.000-08:00

It was one year ago, today, that I found out about events that had occurred, that blew my world (my personal world, my marriage, my assumptions about my marriage) apart. I've been dreading this anniversary. I woke up this morning at about 5:00AM, with a pounding, hideous migrane. All day, my stomach has been roiling, and my soul has been heavy. The spouse knows how I feel, but that doesn't make it any easier. We're both very tense about the upcoming separation, and how we'll both deal, being apart from each other.

This has been, pretty much, a very bad year. But, on the up side, I've learned a lot about myself, about my spouse, and about my children. I've had some really fun times, and some really really REALLY bad times. I'm sure that, at some point in the future, it will all become clear to me why I had to go through this. Or not.

I have not yet started packing for my road trip, but I did finish my second dress. (All that's left to do is the hem, which I can do tomorrow.) It's overwhelming, when I start thinking about all the stuff I need to haul in the car, but I'm sure I'll do just fine. I haven't traveled on my own before, and this is very nerve-wracking. But, I believe, necessary.

I wish I could focus, and write more, but I can't. It's taking everything I have just to maintain my demeanor, and not burst into tears. Well, to be honest, I don't think I have the energy for tears right now. I'm just numb.

I'll do my best to post as I make my way through New Mexico and other points on the trip. It ought to be interesting.

Peace out.

Adieu, My Rover...

2008-11-18T20:21:00.000-08:00

So, we went down to SoCal, to deal with the cars that got shipped here from England. We got to the dock, saw the two Jags, and were incredibly relieved... One never knows whether these things will actually show up! As I was standing around, cooling my heels, I noticed a Rover over in a part of the lot. I walked closer and, lo and behold, it was OUR very Rover -- the one we bought in England, drove around, and shipped back here.

Of course, I was thrilled! We'd been having all kinds of issues with getting clearance from all the right US government agencies to bring the Rover into the country. According to my spouse, there was no issue with the EPA; however, there was an issue with the DOT (Department of Transportation). Apparently, the glitch was that the Rover is a right-hand drive car. And, it's not old enough to be exempt from the requirement that the only cars which can be imported into the US, for sale and use in the US, are left-hand drive cars. (I do not understand the reasoning, but I'm sure some minion, working in a basement somewhere, having been sufficiently massaged by the Detroit/American auto industry, came up with some facially reasonable justification for this requirement.) Anyway, after much back and forth with the US Customs and Border Protection authorities (all of whom were great and sympathetic and immoveable), it was determined that the Rover could NOT be imported into the US. What does that mean? It had to be destroyed! Yes, gunched! So, we scrambled around and arranged for the destruction, and we ended the afternoon watching our car get crunched by some incredible huge insect-like machine; that puppy just ate the Rover in less than a minute. It was awfully scary, and very traumatic. What a bloody waste.

And, of course, we didn't manage to get clearance to get the Jags out of the yard, so we drove home without them, too. How very frustrating! My spouse and our son will drive down next Sunday, and spend next Monday liberating the Jags (assuming that all the appropriate approvals and blessings and stampings and forms and god knows what have been obtained)... I am leaving on my six-week road trip on Sunday, so I won't be able to assist this time.

All very sad. But, somehow emblematic of the way things are turning out in my life. Sometimes, in order to move forward, things that one had an attraction to, need to be just destroyed. Pulverized. Into little bitty pieces. Then, melted down into core elements, and re-used to build something new (and, hopefully, shiny and full of integrity).

Other than that, I'm working on one more dress that I want to take with me on my trip. My vision is that this will be an elegant dress, but one never knows until it's at least basted up. We shall see. It's basically a wearable muslin, using fairly inexpensive rayon jersey that I found in one of our local cheapo fabric stores. I would hate to cut into $15/yard fabric (or even more expensive) and then look like a dog's breakfast! If this dress does work, perhaps I'll wear it with my beautiful Hong Kong pearls... I really like those...

Still working on keeping my emotional well-being in sync. It's really hard. I've been brooding on the implications of betrayal, again. It just gets up my nose when people aren't up front with me. I hate hate hate passive-aggressive behavior, and I've been subjected to that a little bit more than I'd like.

I sense that I'm beginning to ramble. Tomorrow, I shall post photos of my latest two sewing projects, if I can figure out how to actually get the photos into this blog. For some reason, I'm having terrible trouble figuring out how to do it. Jeez.

OK, everyone, enjoy the evening!

Dos Margaritas, Por Favor...

2008-11-16T19:29:00.000-08:00

Yep, it's been a long time since I had a margarita. However, needs must. I'm here in Oxnard, in Southern California, with my husband. We're on a mission to retrieve the two vintage Jaguars we bought in England, which have now arrived in the US. It's iffy if we can actually get them and drive them back to our home tomorrow, so both of us are a tad whipped up. No stones are being cast at anyone regarding the f'd up state of affairs regarding knowing in advance just what is needed to spring the cars from the custody of the US Government, by the way. But, we're here, with papers and money and all kinds of explanations, so perhaps we'll get lucky.

When I last lived in Southern California (about 24 years ago), I don't recall Oxnard being anything other than a laid-back surfer town. But, when we pulled in, the town is bigger, dingier (sorry, Oxnardians), and far more Latino in flavor than we recalled. Bottom line, we ended up going to a Mexican restaurant for dinner. (The spouse hates Mexican food, so his agreement to try the place was astonishing.) Anyway, in order not to insult the ownership of the restaurant, I was FORCED to have a Margarita to begin the festivities. In fact, I was FORCED to have another, just to save face. I cannot feel my face at this point, after the two Margaritas, so they (the Margaritas) get two thumbs-up. I think my fish tacos were good, but can't remember exactly...

The drive down Highway 101 from the Bay Area was lovely. Years and years ago, when I was in law school at Berkeley, and the then-boyfriend was languishing in Los Angeles, I'd make that drive at least once a month. Highway 5 is fast and straight, but BORING... Highway 101 is lovely, slower, and more interesting. We left our home at 11:30AM, made two brief stops, and pulled into Oxnard at about 6:30PM. Not too bad. And, if things work tomorrow, we get to turn around and drive back to the Bay Area! My back will be in spasm, so I will need at least one glass of wine when we get home, maybe two.

I have fallen apart, emotionally, several times in the past few days. I am so torn about this upcoming road trip/separation. But, everyone agrees that I need it -- we both need it -- and it'll probably be fine, but it's been a long time since I've taken off on my own. (Well, I'll be with my DD for the last part, and it will be fabulous, but the first part is just me and the open road.) I'm so used to either traveling on business with colleagues (you know who you are, Bao Sister), or with my husband, that this is freaking me out. I also think it's terribly terribly sad that, for the first time in 28 years, we'll be apart on Christmas and our anniversary. Well, given where I think things are heading, and all the crap we've been through, it's probably just as well. But it will still hurt.

I was making a list of all the crapola I want to stash in my car, and really I'm going to look like a traveling tinker! I've got books, magazines, sewing projects, clothes (several sets), iPod, iPhone, chargers, computer, blah blah blah... And water, blankets, chains, work gloves, ratty towels... And my own pillow (yes, I am a princess)... To say nothing of all the toiletries I seem to need... (When did I become so high maintenance?) And my CDs... (The music ones, not the financial instruments...)

At this point, I feel myself withdrawing from everyone, emotionally, simply as a defense mechanism. I hate this. I've worked so hard to open myself up, and now I feel just like the old me... Walled off, apparently cold (but most certainly not)... When I think about all the stuff that's gone on this past year, and all the stuff yet to be gone through, it's overwhelming. But, I am strong, I am in good health, I have some money put aside, and I'm smarter than the average bear... I have friends and family who love me and who'll take care of me. I am blessed. I need to keep that in mind.

Whew. That was quite therapeutic... Sorry to vent so much, but...

Have a good week ahead, everyone!

Just Plain Tired...

2008-11-14T15:14:00.000-08:00

I feel like that Madeline Kahn character, in "Blazing Saddles" (the takeoff on Marlene Dietrich), who sings, "I'm Tired"... Only, if I were singing it, I'd mean it... I am exhausted... This past year is catching up with me... Turning 60 was sobering, leaving my job was traumatic, and finding out what my husband was up to was shattering. I am not used to being anything other than wildly successful and competent, and for two of the major areas of my life to fall apart was not something I could ignore. (Even I, queen of denial...)

Things have come to a head recently (regarding the marriage) (the job thing is so yesterday's news), and the way forward is pretty much decided. Only not totally. As you know, if you've been reading my posts, I'm going on a road trip, to put some physical distance between my spouse and me. The idea is to give us both the physical and emotional space to think clearly about where we go from here, either together or separately. Frankly, at this point, I'm numb. When I'm not numb, I'm exhausted. When I'm neither numb nor exhausted, I'm pretty damn pissed off. (Thereby covering the gamut of emotions...) There's a part of me that just wants to throw in the towel and say, "Fine, go marry that ***, and see if I care." And, I think that part is growing. I mean, how much effort does one put into a potentially doomed project before you wake up and sense that this is a no-return situation... (As in, no return on investment...)

One more week, and then I hop in the car, and take off. It's going to be a long, long week. I hope I can hold it together. May be tough...

Anyway, I hope all of you are not in the slough of despond, and are looking forward to a very good weekend!

The Upside of Anger [not the movie]

2008-11-11T17:59:00.000-08:00

So, I never did see that movie, "The Upside of Anger", although my daughter told me the plot. However, for the past couple of days, I've been meditating on the nature and effect of anger on me and the quality of my life. Used appropriately, anger can focus me, and get me to get off my duff and address whatever it is that's gotten me mad. Sometimes, anger has been an appropriate stage in working through an untenable situation; I'm awfully good at sublimating and smiling while boiling inside... Migranes? No worries... Sometimes, though, I do admit to letting the red devils slither out a bit, and I'll lash out, explicitly or by snarkiness or very passive-aggressive comments. I did the last earlier this week. I ought not to have done it, but at the time, it felt awfully good. Well, okay, not good, but at least familiar. Got to stop that.

In my current situation, anger has served to cause the scales to fall from my eyes, and to look at things with a more realistic bent, and to realize that perhaps it's time to move forward on a path I would not have chosen, but which appears to be the path that's been chosen for me. As my son says, I can't cover the sky with my hand. In other words, wake up and look around, and go with the situation. I've tried to move heaven and earth, and change the time-space continuum, and erase the impact of the past... All to no great effect... But, I'm glad I did it, as I can move forward with a clean heart and clean hands. In one of my earlier posts, I talked about things like this... At the time, the path may not be evident, or may look too rocky to tread, or may appear to be a false path; but, in retrospect, looking back, the path is absolutely clear. Doesn't mean it's fun...

The itinerary for my road trip is coming together. If it all weren't so sad, I'd be excited. The checklist of crapola to take with me is growing exponentially. It's going to be a "learning experience"... I hate "learning experiences"...

Hope all of you are doing well.

Rotten Strawberries

2008-11-10T08:20:00.000-08:00

I swear, I have the oddest dreams. (Well, I'm sure everyone thinks their dreams are odd, but go with me on this...) So, last night, I had a dream, wherein I was really excited about buying a box of fresh strawberries. They're at the end of the season now (other than berries imported from elsewhere) and I really do miss them, cut up on my morning cereal. (Bananas are great, but they just don't "do" it for me...)

Anyway, I was in the market (in the dream), found a box, and brought it home. Then, when I opened the box, and started picking up the berries, I found that they were all pretty much rotten. Oozing. Almost liquid in their decay. The disappointment and shock I felt was shockingly intense. In fact, I'm still enveloped by that spiritual miasma...

And, of course, being me, I'm sitting here, brooding about what the strawberries represented. I think I know, but I'm resisting finally buying into it. On the up side, at least I'm starting to get in touch with my disappointment and shock, of finding out that things simply aren't what I thought. (OK, I know, this is all shockingly obvious...)

Still trying to wrap my head around the itinerary for my road trip. Where do I go? For how long? Where will I stay? Aaacckkk... I hate planning. And, right now, I'm not doing very well in terms of concentrating on details. And this is not a whoo-hoo road trip... Although I am sort of looking forward to it, I hate the necessity of it. Like most women, when there's a crisis in my life, my instinct is to gather my chicks and nurture my brood, and clean and cook and do nest-building things, in a (vain) effort to put a gloss of normalcy on a situation that's so very broken. This is a real pain in the butt. And, after a whole year of this, I'm just tired.

Speaking of cleaning, I need to go through the huge pile of crap on the counter, and sort it out. Yesterday, spent hours sorting through the stash in my sewing room, in an attempt to cull out of it what I don't want/need. Not too successful. But, I did fill six large garbage bags with things for Goodwill! Very therapeutic, to look at my closet, and see unused hangers!

I hope all of you are well, and have a great Monday!

Truth, Reality, or Whatever

2008-11-07T21:32:00.000-08:00

Is it possible, I ask myself, for someone to absolutely believe the reality he's in at the moment, ignoring the other, alternate reality that also exists? Can someone look me straight in the eye, swear he's telling the truth, and really believe it, when I know there's also another truth? Is this crazy-making, or what? Because, at some point, I begin to doubt my own perception(s) of reality and truth, and I am one heck of a grounded person, not likely to mistake fantasy for reality. (Haven't done that in decades...)

I'm working up a real head of steam here, I must say. I really really really dislike being lied to... Of course, lying involves some element of consciousness -- i.e., the liar should, in the ordinary course of things, know (consciously) that he is lying. Otherwise, is it lying? Or just being f'ing crazy? (Rhetorical question...)

Bottom line, it is very frustrating and tiring to work through dealing with these alternate realities and truths and half-truths and mis-truths and goodness only knows what they are. At some point, one of these days, everything will blow sky high and then the fun will begin. Can hardly wait.

Kind of a dark entry, but there you go.

Sigh...

2008-11-06T19:03:00.000-08:00

Speaking (as I was, in a former post) of girding one's loins, I'm about to have to start doing that. In an effort to make sense out of where I (and the spouse) are, vis-a-vis the continued viability (or lack thereof) for our relationship, we've decided that I will go off on a road trip for a while -- perhaps about a month (or more) -- to give him (and me) the necessary space to think more clearly. When we're together, or close in geographical terms, we end up together even when it would, possibly, be best to be apart. So, I am going to go visit New Mexico. I've always wanted to go there, but never managed to come up with a good reason to be there. Now, there's nothing holding me back. I don't have a job, the kids can forage for themselves, the spousal unit also can (presumably) fend for himself, and we (he and I) can take a breather. There are a plethora of issues to be worked out (many of which I thought -- in my naivete -- had been resolved), and need to be dealt with in the fairly immediate future. I simply do not have the strength to spend another year, dangling at the end of a noose... Oh, did I say that? Naughty me... But that's what it has felt like.

Without getting into specifics, as there's always plenty of blame to be spread around any time two folks who have been married almost 30 years, any time there's a fracture in the relationship, both he and I need to get past the "want to" stage to the "what is really going to happen" stage. It's terrifically painful, and I'm struggling mightily to NOT descend into the pit of hate and despair. But, it's not easy. Perhaps if I were blessed with some sort of religious faith, it would be easier. Instead, I have a double dose of denial (!) which, let it be said, has seen me through MANY life episodes!

On the up side, I do have sort of an idea of an itinerary, and I'll be communing with my buddy, Karen L., who's from New Mexico, and get some "insider" hints. I'm actually pretty excited. Then, there'll be a few weeks where I'll be at loose ends. And, it occurred to me, I need to do Christmas (and my anniversary and maybe even my birthday) in Paris. Why the hell not? It was kind of a vision thing... Came to me, clearly... I don't necessarily believe in message from the beyond, but this one was pretty strong. OK, yeah, I can do it. I've got my passport, some cash, some decent clothes, and I'm familiar enough with Paris that it won't be like I fell to earth in the middle of some unknown continent. Left Bank, I think... Hmmmm.... Just for a week or 10 days.... How bad can it be?

Time enough when I finally get back to sort out whatever decisions have been made. Then, depending, could be six months to a year of sobbing, or not. Hard to tell. Not at all what I bargained for, let me just note!!!!

OK, time to wash the dishes and haul my sorry self off to bed...

Cheers!

Now the fun really begins...

2008-11-05T08:16:00.001-08:00

I personally am thrilled with the results of the Presidential election. What an historic time for this country. I am so proud of the American people as a whole... the engagement of everyone in the campaign (regardless of what side you're on), the turn-out, the engagement of whole sectors who formerly didn't even show up... It was great. I think I've mentioned previously that I get really excited--even, perhaps, giddy-- every time I go to vote. That, to me, is the essence of what America is all about.

Now, we'll need to gird our collective loins, and get down to the hard work. And pray that Obama and his family are kept safe from wackos.

I'll also need to gird my own loins (as it were), and take a few deep breaths, and get ready for my own hard work over the next few months and years. There are going to be lots of changes in my life, most of which I would not have chosen, had it been my choice to make, and although they will be tough, and heart-wrenching, they will be growth-inducing. I will have to keep repeating to myself that everything turns out, in the end, the way it was meant to be. Maybe I wasn't ready for these hard lessons earlier in my life. I'm not sure what the lessons will be, but I'm sure they'll be important. I'm basically a wimp, however, and would far rather just nest like crazy, nurture my family, cook and clean, and make everything "right", when it really will never be "right" again, at least not in the current configuration. Maybe someday there'll be a new "right", and g*d only knows what that will look like. But, day by day, I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and at some point, I'll look back, and see the path.

Ooooh, that's all too heavy. True, but heavy. I need my coffee.

Have a great day, everyone!

A Nail-Biter...

2008-11-04T17:37:00.001-08:00

Those of you who know me, know that I'm not great on the issue of waiting patiently for things to work out. This election night is driving me NUTS!!! And, of course, I just get all WHIPPED UP about the fact that the news networks start "calling" states in the East way before the polls close in the West. There's something there that just does not seem fair. When I am queen, we're going to get them to knock that crap off.

What else... Actually got things done today (hooray!), which was a good step forward. A few days ago, while I was driving to the airport to pick up my daughter (who was flying in for the weekend), I took a corner a bit too fast, and the Grande Chai Latte that I had picked up for her tumbled over. Did I notice that? Nope, not until every last little bit had leaked out into the car carpeting. Yuk. So, today, I took out the removable floor mat in the passenger foot well, and actually washed it out in the kitchen sink. The combination of years of dirt and stinky sour milk really perked me up, I tell ya... Now, to tackle the milky residue in the non-removable carpeting. Oh, goodie.

And, what else... I have been brooding on the meaning of the word "betrayal". Such an ugly word but, occasionally, an absolutely accurate one. One of the most painful words in the human lexicon, I think. Perhaps, in time, I can write a reasoned, articulate, non-ranting blog post on the issue of betrayal. All I can say right now is that I am wrestling with the implications of betrayal, and what an appropriate response is. Perhaps the universe was waiting until I was matured sufficiently to address these issues, eh?

Tonight, I'm off for a meeting with the sip-n-sew gang (two members will be absent), to pontificate about the election, and perhaps drink a bit too much (no, probably not), and maybe, just maybe, do some sewing!

I hope all of those of you out there who are reading this got off your respective keesters and VOTED. (It would be lovely if you voted the "right" way, but the most important thing is that you vote.)

Cheers!

Whoo-hoo!

2008-11-02T20:32:00.000-08:00

I voted already! Did the early voting thing... Went down to the Santa Clara County Registrar of Voters, which was open today from 9AM to 3PM, and it took a little over an hour. Luckily, we got there early enough in the day, that we didn't need to wait outside on the sidewalk -- we were inside, and got to sit on real chairs! OK, they were folding metal chairs, but better than nothing.

I get very excited when I go to vote. To me, this is the essence of democracy, and really what the US is all about. There were people all around us, who for sure were not US natives, and they were all patient, and anxious to vote, and (as far as I could tell) very knowledgeable about what they were about to do. There were also lots of younger people, and minorities -- both of which I hadn't seen a lot of in the past. (I often do early voting, as it's a great opportunity to hang out and see what the populace is up to...)

Whatever your personal position and/or leanings are, I hope each and every one you (who is eligible to vote) goes out and votes!!! As far as I am concerned, there are very few (if any) valid excuses for NOT voting!

OK, enough of my nudging and nagging.

Cheers!

Happy Halloween

2008-10-31T06:54:00.000-07:00

Well, I knew if I were patient enough, something would pop up to cheer me... I was just doing my early morning Web surfing, and found the following item on the BBC page [http://news.bbc.co.uk/] . . .

The title of the item is: "Thriller zombies cut some shapes" -- Here's the URL, if you want to just click to it and read it there... < http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/em/fr/-/2/hi/uk_news/england/nottinghamshire/7701359.stm >

The article reads as follows:

"The organisers want to attract more than 1,124 would-be zombies

"Willing and able zombies have been called upon to perform Michael Jackson's Thriller dance in an attempt to break a world record.

"Organisers of Nottingham's annual games festival GameCity, want to teach more than 1,000 people the pop star's moves.
To break the record for the largest zombie gathering set at the Monroeville Mall, Pittsburgh, US in November 2007, more than 1,124 zombies must take part. Costumes, make-up and choreography will be provided at the Old Market Square. GameCity's festival director Iain Simons said people needed to turn up by 1400 GMT on Friday to be transformed into a zombie.

"We can provide you with a zombie kit, we can train you to walk like a zombie, talk like a zombie, shuffle like a zombie.
"We'll train you to do the Thriller dance," said Mr Simons. "As any self-respecting zombie knows, it's very important that they come together and dance the Michael Jackson Thriller dance because that's what zombies do when they congregate."

"The actual record attempt will take place at 1700 GMT."

It's just a pity I can't just jump on a plane and take part. For some reason, this just tickles me no end!!!

Ah, well... Whatever all of you are doing to celebrate Samhain, be safe.

Well, Shoot...

2008-10-27T19:59:00.000-07:00

Really, I have nothing of import to say tonight. I feel so . . . boring . . . The news is all bad, pretty much, I'm SO DONE with the pre-election BS, the weather is indifferent, I couldn't whip it up to cook anything but spaghetti for dinner (accompanied by the last two pieces of Texas Toast in the freezer), and don't even have the energy to go sew on the latest project I've cut out.

I am, I'm afraid, a boring old fart. I shall endeavor to become wittier, more enchanting and more engaging by tomorrow.

And, speaking of reality...

2008-10-23T17:02:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry I had not read this story before I finished my last post -- it's a doozy!!!

It seems that, somewhere in Japan, a woman was arrested in connection with her "killing" the avatar of her on-line "husband", after the husband's avatar laid an unexpected on-line divorce on the woman's on-line avatar. (Very Kurosawa-like -- here's the URL to the story, where I saw it, on cnn.com: http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/ptech/10/23/avatar.murder.japan.ap/index.html

Talk about the convergence of reality and real-life. (Of course, she wasn't arrested on a murder rap, but still...) The game is called "Maple Story". I'm sorry, but this is really too creepy. I mean, seriously creepy.

As Dave Barry says, I'm not making this up.

I need a glass of wine, and to sit and contemplate this. A lot.

The Lingering Effect of Dreams...

2008-10-23T13:36:00.000-07:00

So, I was just driving home, after running a couple of errands, and I was listening to "Fresh Air" on NPR. Terry Gross is interviewing some screenwriter, and he was off on a riff about how sometimes the "aftertaste" of dreams can linger a whole day (or more), and sometimes just freak you out.

Wow, I says. Yes, that has certainly happened to me. It's often the case that my dreams are so real, that when I wake up, I really am not sure what is real and what is dream (and whether there's any difference anyway, truly, if reality is all in the mind). A "bad" dream can totally flip me out for a day or two, and a good dream can buffer me against whatever BS happens to fly my way all day. Weird.

I once read a book, can't remember when or by who, which posited that, when we're asleep, and "dreaming", our astral bodies or spirits or whatever you want to call them, are actually out, in some second dimension, doing whatever it is that we're dreaming. Now THAT is one weird concept. Particularly when one has, ahem, "delicate encounters" with others in dreams that, in real life, one would NEVER EVEN THINK ABOUT!!! Whew... And, are those people who we meet in dreams, also out gallivanting in their astral selves? I mean, this is the kind of thinking that can wrack your brain. It's like when I was young, and I used to think about where the universe ends. I mean, it has to end somewhere, doesn't it? Or does it? Hmmmm.... More extreme brain damage.

Anyway, the dream thing really has got me going. I know that, sometimes, I'll act in a way that is totally reflective of my dream, and not at all connected to the "real" world. That has led to some interesting things, from time to time. It has also disconcerted friends and family no end, I fear. Sorry, friends and family, I really am.

Last evening, had a total emotional meltdown. Again. I don't think I can blame a dream for that. But, I do point to my "gut" feelings, or intuition, as setting the stage. Over the decades, I have learned to really trust and rely on my intuition to tell me when something is afoot. I've disregarded it (the feeling, the intuition) often, and sometimes I was wrong, but more often than not, I've lived to regret not listening to the little man who lives in the gut. So, I have a feeling something is brewing, and it could be bad, or not, but it's a change. Like in the original "Mary Poppins" book... she can tell when the wind is going to change, and that change will bring changes to everyone's lives. (You know, that really was not a children's book, I don't care; and I'm still wildly irritated at the Disney-ization of that story... They treacled it out of all recognition...) I sense a change in the wind coming, and I don't know what to do about it. The thing is, when the wind changes, you can't "do" anything at all about it. The wind blows as it blows. The ancients knew that, and knew to respect it. Me, I'm a modern girl, and every once in a while, I forget about the ancient wisdom and set my sails in a way that the boat she is going to capsize.

Oooh, I am getting all woo-woo. No, not really. I ought not make fun of my feelings and intuitions. They are there for a reason. I didn't used to be all flipped out about change. But then, I grew up and became a control freak. There you have it. I need to step back and just let the wind blow. I'm flexible and bendable, and I'll survive and live to see another day.

Make sure you-all have your shutters fastened. It's going to be a bumpy ride.

Learnings

2008-10-21T21:02:00.000-07:00

I have discovered that, when one has facial surgery, it is most definitely NOT a good idea to eat anything that is going to require you to floss your teeth, because generally you can't open your mouth very wide for some period of time following the surgery. Don't ask me how I found this out.

I've also discovered that my skin, when it bruises, goes through one amazing set of color transitions. I really do look alarmingly like one of those papayas that are languishing on my counter in the kitchen. I only hope I have enough of a really good quality cover-up cosmetic product to do the job next Saturday night, when I have a community "do" to attend.

And, Election Day is only two weeks away. Thank the lord. I am so DONE with the campaigning and the mud-slinging and the nit-picking and the general BS. I really don't think that anyone's mind is going to be changed by anything that either side says about the other, at this point. And, how many truly undecided voters are out there, anyway? Cynical me, I think that everyone's mind is already made up, consciously or unconsciously... And everyone out there better get their sorry selves off to their polling places or drop that absentee or mail-in ballot in the mail, and VOTE! Yes, sigh, even if you vote the "wrong" way, it's just important to vote. I do not buy any excuse whatsoever for not voting if one is eligible to do so. Period.

And, I'm all whipped up, again, about the economy and the real estate market and the burgeoning foreclosures. What, pray tell, does it profit the lender to have an empty house sitting there? I'm particularly whipped up about houses which are occupied by renters but the owners blew their loans, and then the renters get kicked out. It's not like the lenders in general do a great job of taking care of these foreclosed properties, including ensuring that they get a continuing stream of revenue from occupying renters! I mean, guys, this is just common sense. I know, I know, I just don't understand. Right.

I'm actually pretty irritated at myself for not getting much done today. You'd think that, since I'm not working outside the house at a full-time (or even a part-time) job, I'd be more efficient at getting stuff done during the day. But, oh no -- just fiddled around today. Shame on me! (Well, OK, I did run three errands, big whoop.) On the up side, I'm not as tired as I was for the past few years. I'm actually reading three books at once, which is a luxury, and having the time to sit and look at the sky and ponder the meaning of life.

OK, I can see I am just plain ornery tonight. I'd better sign off, and go meditate about my attitude.

Addendum

2008-10-20T18:55:00.000-07:00

Sorry, but I didn't read this until after I had finished today's post...

Police say a Michigan man has been arrested after "receiving sexual favors from a vacuum" at a car wash.

You know, there are some things better not reported, and be damned to the public's right to know.

Really.

Strange Days, Indeed

2008-10-20T17:38:00.000-07:00

So, it's Monday (although I'm taking that on faith, since now that I'm no longer working at The Company I really have no idea what the heck day is which), and I'm thinking back on this past weekend. Well, brooding about the fragmentation of society is more like it.

Every day, more astonishing crap crawls out of the woodwork. I sometimes think I'm living in some weird StarTrek-ish parallel universe, and on the other side of the time-space continuum, things are just fine.

The election: I know that Gov. Palin's appearance on this weekend's SNL drew the largest audience that show has had in a decade or so, but WTF was she thinking? It was funny and amusing and all that, but this is the person who could, if things shake out in a way that would lead me to thinking seriously of decamping to Australia, be a heartbeat away from the presidency of the US. (Of course, the way things are going in this country, maybe that's exactly what we -- as a country -- deserve.) The descent of John McCain, who at one time was an endearing and curmudgeonly politico, into a nasty old man, spewing vituperation and tired old political barbs at Obama. What a bloody shame. The bizarre measures on the ballot here in California, and the shivers I feel about the fact that they're even on the ballot at all. There is a country out there that I just don't understand, don't like, and which scares the bajeezuz out of me.

The economy: Every day, I just shake my head at the latest BS to spew forth out of the imploding of our economy. Like, duh, is anyone really surprised, when we have, for longer than anyone cares to remember, created, believed in and worshipped an economy that is built on non-sustainable principles (e.g., continuous growth, focus on annual consumer spending, the worship of the almighty [and slightly manipulated] quarterly bottom line, the off-shoring and outsourcing of vast portions of our corporate infrastructures, the dumbing-down of popular culture). Greed... One of the seven deadly sins, and for good reason. You may not believe in the infallibility of the Bible, but there are a lot of things in there that surely make absolutely the best sense. I spent enough hours in enough conference rooms over the years I was an actively-practicing attorney with investment bankers, insurance execs, and their ilk, to understand that this was just a disaster waiting to happen. These folks were the supreme no-value-add elements in any deal. And, yes, I do understand -- very damn well -- the economics of deals and who's getting what. (I recall that, occasionally, when I could no longer contain myself, and would make muttered comments about taking those investment bankers out into the parking lot and shoving them under the wheels of an oncoming BMW, that the "boys" would get that look on their faces . . . you know the one . . . "oh, she's just a girl, what does she possibly know about the fabulous deal we're all doing" . . . oh, puhleeze...)

But, on the other hand, there are wonderful people out there. People who are doing their best every day in the face of stressful conditions. Who are exercising personal responsibility (a quaint notion that is one I hold dear), and worrying about the impact of their actions (or failures to act) on society as a whole, who actually care about the greater society, and who do not believe that taxes are just the "gummint" taking their money and giving it away to no-good rotters. There are thoughtful journalists and public servants and financiers and just regular folks, all of whom tell it like it is. One of my favorite folks is Maureen Dowd (OK, all you right-wingers -- not that any would be reading this blog, most likely -- can start rolling your eyes.) Go on www.nytimes.com (today's edition), and read her op/ed piece, "After W., Le Deluge" -- very well written. A very good piece of writing.

On the up side, I went to the doctor today, for my one-week post-surgery check-up, and he pronounced himself thrilled with the progress of my recovery. And, even better, he gave me the green light to resume drinking caffeinated beverages (oh, yeah, mama -- bring me my latte!) and alcohol (and, Jeeves, bring me that Cosmo now, if you would)... I thought I was on the wagon for another week, at least. However, my body (god love it) was in good shape, and supported rapid healing of all the incisions and nasty business. Of course, now that I've been pure as the driven slush for two (well, almost three) weeks, I'm not feeling any huge driving urge to indulge. In fact, after the doctor's appointment, the spousal unit and I went to Peet's for an afternoon pick-me-up, and I just had a jasmine lime green tea cooler (and, of course, some carrot bread, to count as one of my veggies for the day). I've also been drinking smaller cups of coffee, and I've come to enjoy them a lot more. There just might be something to this clean living thing...

OK, now that I read this, am I really becoming a crotchety old fartette? Possibly. The nice thing is that, at this age, I really don't care all that much. Freedom! Yessss!!! I refuse to let The Man keep me down!!! (By the way, The Man is now all those 20-somethings...) I love the irony of history.

Well, time to pay attention to dinner, and get ready to watch Monday Night Football on our new Shining Symbol of Consumerism: we broke down and purchased a mega-LCD flat-screen TV. Yep, we gave in to Mammon. You know, if you show up at one of these chain electronics stores with cash, you can pretty much negotiate any deal that you want (within some reasonable bounds). I was actually astonished at the deal we got. We selected a size and brand and level of quality that we liked, and then found one that was a floor sample, got the store to give us a very good deal and then, in a burst of negotiating ballsiness that I honed on many business trips to China, asked for yet more off. And we got it. A good deal all around. I feel so guilty watching this beast. I really do. But, it's really really nice. We actually watched "La Vie en Rose" (on DVD) on it over the weekend, and the experience was fabulous.

May all your teams win tonight. Or not. Cheers!

Astonishing

2008-10-18T18:59:00.000-07:00

And I wonder why I get in a funk sometimes. The world is clearly an f'd up place, as evidenced not only by the results of all the unmitigated greed on the part of all those weeny Masters of the Universe, but also by incidents like this. [For those of you who haven't seen it, it's the video of a fight between two 12-year-olds -- and who, I might add, what shooting this video? -- and the mother of one of the two girls drove her daughter to the park for the smack-down... WTF????]

Just had to comment on this...

Oh, and...

2008-10-18T18:40:00.000-07:00

... thoughts on religion versus faith versus belief. Can you have rituals without faith, or vice versa? If you do, is it right, is it real? And what is the nature of comfort in religious rituals? And what about partial faith? Can you be a "cafeteria" believer?

This is the kind of stuff that bounces around in my brain as I'm driving. Jeez.

Sigh...

2008-10-18T14:54:00.000-07:00

Saturday, and I am in a major funk. Really. Just pissy and morose. No real reason. Just humpf. So, I'm not going to go on and on, whining and moaning. Instead, I'll tell you all that I'm brooding about a post on the Dissolution, the King's Great Matter, the peace I find in the ruins of the abbeys in England, and other who-the-heck-knows-where-that's-coming-from musings.

I just had to share.

Ignore this whinging. Really.

Day Three...

2008-10-16T18:14:00.000-07:00

... after surgery, and if I do say so myself (knock wood), the healing appears to be going quite well. My face is less swollen (particularly around the eyes), although the color is not to be believed. I think I look a lot like a very ripe papaya -- quite yellow, with tinges of purple/green... Lovely, quite a tropical look... I actually ran a few errands today, and no one screamed or fainted or made any untoward remarks, so I guess all is fine. (Either that or folks were shocked silly, which I truly doubt.)

And, no pain pills at all today! Hoo-hah! Really, the physical side-effects of those narcotics are not all that pleasant. Even being a child of the Sixties, and not having any moral issues (well, not too many, anyway) regarding drugs, I still prefer, all things considered, not to have too many of them floating around in my body. Particularly over the past year or so, when I've made a very concerted effort to eat healthily (less processed foods, more fruits and veggies, and lots of liquid)(water), I think it's made a big difference, now that I'm healing from what could have been quite a traumatic physical assault on my body. I was chatting with a buddy today, and she said she remembered when her aunt had her face lift, she stayed overnight in the hospital, and then stayed in bed for a week, whining and moaning. Well, obviously techniques have improved over the years, and I'm not even factoring in the aunt's possible predeliction for drama-queen antics, but still I think I'm doing quite well.

And, no, I won't be posting any photos to back up my claims. Just use your imagination. Or ask one of the two buddies who visited me yesterday. If you're a close friend, you'll know who they are!

Anyway, I've been watching/listening to all the post-debate punditry that's going on, and I'm not detecting that there's been a huge groundswell of anyone out there in the electorate changing their minds about who to vote for as a result of the campaigning and/or the debates. I personally find it very distressing that this country seems to be so very divided, and that the degree of bitterness and rancor (and general bad behavior) is getting higher and higher. It seems to me that the ideas of sacrifice, and sharing the burden, and civic duty, and a general lack of selfishness seem to be sorely lacking across this country. Or, maybe I'm just cynical and jaundiced. (Well, yes, jaundiced but that's because of the bruising... No, silly, that's not the context. Sorry, bad joke. Couldn't help myself.) But, seriously, I think this country is going to heck in a handbasket, driven by an excess of "me first" attitude that I just do not understand. Or, could it be that I'm just getting to be old(er) and (more) crochety?

Well, regardless, all in all, life is good. The weather is lovely, the house is relatively clean, there's food in the cupboard, there are comfy pillows on the bed, and it's foot-rubbing night. So, how can I complain?

I wish all of you the very best of everything, and may you each sleep well tonight.

Day Two...

2008-10-15T19:57:00.001-07:00

... post-surgery, and I'm getting antsy. Today, I only took one mega-pain pill, and only took one nap. I still look fairly hideous, but better than yesterday. Theoretically, today is the day on which the swelling is worst, and it gets better from now on. However, I think the swelling is better, although odd parts of my face are pooching out. My doctor says that's all normal, as the swelling "migrates" downward. (Oh, great, I'll have a poochy tummy by the time this is all over...) And, the healing is going along fine, apparently, as I'm starting to itch a bit. And my energy level is coming back. Now, apparently, is the critical time when I need to be conscious of taking it easy, and NOT jumping back into my normal level of business. (Kind of like when I had my babies -- after hauling around that load for nine months, you at first feel wonderful, like Super Woman, and you do too much, and then -- wham! -- it hits you between the eyes and you're laid flat out!

Anyway, two buddies from work dropped by today -- no doubt they could not wait to see what I look like -- and they didn't flinch too much. So, I guess I don't look too bad. Got caught up on all the gossip from The Company (nothing truly juicy), etc., etc. We will be scheduling the official "unveiling" of my new look for a few weeks out, complete with alcohol, I hope. (I'm still on the no-caffeine, no-alcohol regimen...) And, believe me, I am truly looking forward to my first Cosmo! I had to watch yet another Presidential debate sans wine tonight. That is truly painful. I am so done with all this election hoo-hah, I can't tell you. I really admire systems in other countries where the campaigning is limited to like five or six weeks. Yep, very civilized... This race has gone on for a year, or more, as far as I can tell. I am so done...

Tomorrow, perhaps I shall get back to some sewing. Maybe some reading (real books). Maybe some house cleaning. Maybe some laundry. Oh, boy, sit back and kick it, girlfriend! Wooohoooo!!! Yeah, so I'm just a tad snarky tonight. Just a bit. If I hear one more person promise, on their word of honor, that they will create thousands, no, millions, of jobs... I'll puke. How? and, of course, the favorite mantra of "no new taxes"... Who, pray tell, will pay for all the infrastructure repair and replacement? the bills generated by the day-to-day operation of the government? the stupid bloody war(s) we keep getting involved in? The bloody Easter Bunny? For the love of pete...

I am really getting crabby. Yep, time for another codeine pill. Well, no, not tonight. I think I'm done with those. Maybe some graham crackers and warm milk? Yum! (Oh, god, I really wish I could have a nice glass of chilled white wine...)

Well, I hope you all watched the debate, and are ready to vote on November 4th. It can't come any too soon, IMHO...

No one told me...

2008-10-14T14:12:00.000-07:00

... that, after the surgery, I'd have an uncanny resemblance to a washed-up prize fighter! Well, okay, it's not really that bad, but whew! looking at myself in the mirror this morning took my breath away! I feel far better than I look, is all I'm saying. Actually, my jaw is rather swollen, so I think I'm doing a fabulous job of imitating Marlon Brando, playing the Godfather! (If I do say so myself...) I'm told the swelling should go down in a few more days. However, right now, it's pretty astonishing! And, combined with the bruising, I am quite a sight!

I was awake during the surgery (just local painkillers -- Lidocaine?), and that was a bloody weird experience, let me tell you. I felt pressure and heard things going on, but felt nothing. And, thank goodness the doctor didn't offer me a mirror so I could see what was going on. Even I would have been grossed out by that! (And it takes a lot to get me grossed out...)

Anyway, I am still kind of woozy, due to the lovely pain meds, and keep falling sleep here on the sofa. I guess my body needs it, so what the heck... I am ambulatory, and with it enough to make myself tea, and eat oatmeal, so it's all good.

Nothing much to report from here at the moment. I feel myself drifting away again... More later!

Random Musings

2008-10-12T21:15:00.000-07:00

Nothing special going on, but I am practicing discipline, and writing something for this blog as often as I can. Right now [Note: written Saturday night], I’m sitting in a hotel room in Marin County, cooling my heels, having forgotten to bring a book or a magazine to read, while my husband surfs the Net and the TV is blah-blah’ing away. (Those who know me well will find this -- not having a book handy -- pretty ironic, given the sheer deluge of reading material strewn through my house...) I blame it on our usual last-minute packing. Both the spousal unit and I are absolutely awful about packing ahead of time for any trip -- be it overnight or three weeks. We wait until the very last minute. We apparently think we get extra points if we leave it until within the hour before we absolutely positively need to leave the house! This, of course, often leads to astonishing lapses in terms of what we did not pack. (There was one business trip where I totally forgot to pack outer clothes -- I did remember pajamas and underwear, but that was it... Thank goodness there was a shopping center across the road from the hotel, and they had a Target store there...) (Don’t ask...)

I will say, however, that this time we DID remember to pack our swim suits, as I had the foresight to actually check out the on-site amenities for this hotel when I made the reservation. (We had not stayed here previously -- the hotel we usually stay at when we’re up this way was fully booked tonight.) Lo and behold, they have a jacuzzi/whirlpool. We love to get in a hot jacuzzi, and just soak... (Our favorite is in Hawaii, where all the jacuzzis are outdoors, and you can lay in the water and look up at the stars... I’m feeling the aloha spirit just writing about it!) Anyway, the jacuzzi at this hotel is indoors, thanks be, as it’s really quite nippy out tonight. It was nice, and very relaxing. There were a couple of pre-teen girls hopping about, cute as buttons, with a very much long-suffering older sister who was roped into watching them, and a lady who was there by herself, attempting to read in peace. (What? Read in a jacuzzi? Hmmm...)

There is cable TV in the room (of course), but the choices appear to be either NASCAR or Fox News. I kid you not. The remote is on the fritz, to add insult to injury. So, I’m taking the opportunity to write. I’d surf the Net, but there’s no wireless access in the room, just hard-line access, and the spouse is on the computer (we, of course, each brought our own laptop) (we are SO VERY SiliValley...), checking out eBay, seeing if there is some fabulous deal on car bits or god-only-knows-what. Oops, he just finished, and let me check my email and CNN and the New York Times. Same stuff, different day... All is disaster...

Now, it’s not as though I didn’t have books to bring with me, of course. I actually picked up three used books in one of the charity shops in the UK; they are from the series written by Alexander McCall Smith, about Precious Ramotswe, the proprietor of Botswana's No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency. (The first book was “The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency”, which I absolutely loved.) I started one of the books yesterday, started to get quite into it, had planned on bringing it with me, and of course it is sitting on my bed at home, waiting for me.

However, I’m quite pleasantly sleepy now, after the jacuzzi, and a very nice dinner. (Note, please, that I was good and did not have any wine or alcohol either last night -- during our usual “Friday night out at the Elephant Bar” -- or this evening... It really is making me irritable, by the way...)

Tomorrow, we’re off to Infineon Raceway (formerly known as Sears Point Raceway), to attend a race, put on by a vintage and classic car racing group that the husband used to be active in. It should be fun. We brought one of our many picnic baskets, folding chairs, and a little folding table. We also remembered to bring our hats, heavy jackets and sunscreen. Yep, I’m pretty sure we have all that. We certainly packed enough crap... [Note: Day at the raceway was wonderful; the weather was gorgeous, the cars were fast -- and noisy! -- we ran into some friends, and generally just kicked back and hung out.]

This afternoon [Note: on Saturday], we attended a play in San Francisco. It was “Rock and Roll” by Tom Stoppard. The spousal unit LOVES, absolutely LOVES, Tom Stoppard’s work. This was in return for his agreeing to go see “Spamalot” when we were in London. (In retrospect, we should have tried to get tickets to “Ivanov” when we were in London -- Richard Branagh was doing it -- but, oh well...) Anyway, the play was OK. I’m not a huge Tom Stoppard fan -- I think he’s a tad too precious, and it kind of puts my teeth on edge. But the performances were excellent, and the play kept my interest. The music they played during the scene transitions was, however, far too loud. (What is it with theatres and movie houses, blasting music? Do they think we’ve all gone deaf from too many rock concerts in our misspent youths?) The play is all about the Prague Spring and the Velvet Revolution in Czechoslovakia, and Vaclev Havel, and the role of the Plastic People of the Underground in the whole dissident movement. I cannot imagine how folks who have no background whatsoever in terms of knowing something about those events would understand the play. (Oh, you could follow the action, I guess, but you wouldn’t “get it”, I think.) Luckily, we had some time in our seats before the play started to read the program, which was excellent by the way, and it helped me immensely to understand what was going on. I, of course, would have edited the script (!), to include a little more background on one of the main characters, and delete one of the (to my mind) ancillary plot lines... But, unfortunately, Mr. Stoppard has not asked for my help!

I also have some other books I want to read; three about Marie Antoinette (I’m not sure why that particular theme presented itself), one about the nature of marriage and spousal relationships (written by an Indian woman), a mystery novel by Ellis Peters (one of the Cadfael novels) (I don’t think I’ve read this one), and one or two more that I can’t remember off the top of my head. There’s also the latest Oprah magazine (one of my guilty pleasures), and a couple of other magazines that hit the door recently.

Unfortunately, part of the surgery that I’m having on Monday is on my eyelids, and I’m told that I really won’t be able to read much (if at all) for a few (or more than a few) days. Oh, goodie. What the heck am I supposed to do, then, pray tell? Zone out on painkillers and listen to CNN? the Food Channel? BBC America? Daytime TV is pretty dismal. And, right now, one can either listen to all the ranting and raving on the upcoming election (and I am sick to death of all the negative BS that’s going on) or the doom-and-gloom talking heads blabbering away about the economic crisis. It’s enough to turn me to MTV, for goodness sakes! (Well, no, not really, but close.) I can, I suppose, turn on NPR and listen to that for hours at a time.

I really hope that my recovery time is relatively short. I don’t “do” just sitting around very well, unless I’m really really sick or really really sedated... Or both... It is possible, I gather, to be up and about and relatively healed up in 10 days, which would be lovely. But one never knows. I’ve been really quite good about following all the pre-op guidelines, so I hope it all pays off. I read a bunch of online comments about the procedure last night, and some of them sounded pretty scary; however, for the most part, the women who had the procedure were quite happy with their decision, and felt it was worth the money. Let’s hope I can write a positive comment at the end of my recovery!

Well, I think that’s about it. I could go on and on, but I don’t want everyone’s eyes to roll back in their heads as they plow through my rambling. I’ll pull out the play program, and re-read it... Might make a bit more sense, now that I’ve seen the play. Or not.

I hope all of you are doing well out there, and enjoying the lovely autumn weather. (Of course October in California can be fire and/or earthquake season, for reasons that are unknown... But it’s still lovely...)

Cheers!

Okay, Okay...

2008-10-08T09:22:00.000-07:00

So, I have not been as diligent as I might have been about blogging, it's true... And I can't say why, or point to anything or any incident in particular... I know I have been terribly tired lately (no doubt a side effect of being sans caffeine and alcohol...), and spend way too much time just sitting around, staring aimlessly into space! And, well, doing a bit of sewing. I am working on my table runner project (and yes I swear I will post a photo of it at some point), and actually finished (!!) a dress yesterday. (I'm not wild about the way it looks on me, but I think it's fixable.)

But, one of the things I still do is cruise all my favorite blogs from other contributors to the blogsphere. One of my favorites is Ann Steeves' blog, Gorgeous Things (http://gorgeousthings.blogspot.com/). Last week, she had a link to a cute quiz (http://www.tomorrowland.us/tlm/). I took it, and the test results pronounced that I am a "mandarin". This means:

"You're an intellectual, and you've worked hard to get where you are now. You're a strong believer in education, and you think many of the world's problems could be solved if people were more informed and more rational. You have no tolerance for sloppy or lazy thinking. It frustrates you when people who are ignorant or dishonest rise to positions of power. You believe that people can make a difference in the world, and you're determined to try."

Hmmm... I am really a sucker for these online quizzes... Time-wasters, often, but amusing. Luckily I am not currently working at a full-time job, so I am not diddling around on the company's time... NOT that I ever did that when I was working at The Company, no, nope, never. Really.

On other fronts, I must say that this is just about my favorite time of year. There's still nice warmth during the day, but the evenings are cool, and there is a hint of change in the air. I think the "change" part is what I like, since I also adore the Spring weather. The promise of something new is exhilarating. Growing up Back East, at this time of year we were looking forward to Halloween. Many years, it was bitterly cold at the end of October, and often rainy (I don't recall snow on any Halloween). In fact, I do recall one year when the weather was so ugly, we just trick-or-treated inside our apartment building. For all of you suburb-dwellers, I have to tell you that it was a very weird experience. That was the year, as I recall, that I had a gypsy costume, which I dearly loved. In our neighborhood, where we live now, we simply don't get too many children coming by. It could be due, in part, to cultural issues (many folks in our neighborhood come from other countries, where Halloween simply isn't part of their experience), or maybe there simply aren't too many kids left -- I know the contemporaries of my children (who are now 24 and 21, respectively) have all left the area, and not too many of them had younger siblings (who would in any event probably be too old by now to get into trick-or-treating). However, I do know that the elementary schools in our area are filled to bursting, so who knows. I think one of my favorite trick-or-treat experiences was about five years ago, when a teenager came to our door, and announced his costume was a hairball (as in, yes, that thing the cat chokes up, usually on the carpet)... Cracked me up!

Well, this turned into a ramble... Sorry about that! Time to go and get ready to go smack the tennis ball with the husband. It really is good exercise, despite my very very sorry performance the past few times we've gone. I think it's because I didn't sign up for lessons this session (missed the deadline as we were out of the country on our travels, and when we got back, I found the class was full -- rats!). Those lessons really do help. Ah, well, next session. And I'm actually contemplating signing up for private lessons, but not willing at this point to lay out the money. Particularly now, if you get my drift.

Hope you all are enjoying yourselves, whatever it is you're doing. Cheers!

Well, Shoot...

2008-10-03T20:11:00.000-07:00

So, I'm having some elective surgery on the 13th (a little over a week from now), and I love my doctor. However, he has some very strict views on what a patient needs to do, pre- and post-surgery, to be a true "partner" in the process... Including (god help me) abstaining from caffeine and alcohol for two weeks before and two weeks after surgery. I never thought of myself as an addict, but going cold turkey this past week -- no morning tea, decaf/nonfat lattes ("why bothers"), and no wine or Cosmos -- yikes! This has been eye opening!

I mean, I had to watch the Vice President Debate last night sans wine! I had the sip-and-sew ladies over to the house for the event, and the three of them (one was absent) finished off a bottle and a half (well, maybe a bottle and two-thirds) of wine -- I drank fizzy water with a shot of bitters in it (a "mocktail")... Just not the same...

And, not having my bracing cuppa in the morning is even more irritating. Who knew I was so . . . attached . . . to my lovely Scottish high-octane tea bags? Hmmm.... I am drinking, instead, some lovely verbena herbal tea that I bought in Paris on a trip there a couple of years ago... with a bit of clover honey in it... Doesn't compare at all to my witches' brew, but it's not bad. I've also taken to "doing coffee" with the spouse in the early afternoons, having a small "why bother" at Peet's... (For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, in some circles a nonfat, decaf coffee drink is called a "why bother"... Hey, I think it's funny...)

I'm taking extra Vitamin C, extra multi-vitamin pills, and being more religious about taking my calcium supplements. I am eschewing fats (for the most part), and trying to eat raw when I can. (Lenore, thanks so much for the very yummy tomatoes last night... I could live on those!) However, tonight, my husband called from work, let me know he'd be done far earlier than he originally thought, and said, hey, let's meet at the Elephant Bar for our "usual" Friday night drink-and-munchies episode. (He has a foo-foo tropical drink, I have a Cosmo, we both have an appetizer, and finish up by splitting a chocolate lava cake with vanilla ice cream.) I totally blame him for the fact that I fell off the wagon, and had a Cosmo... Shoot... I could kick myself... Should have had a lemonade... Oh, well, back on the straight and narrow tomorrow. I swear. And, if it takes me a bit longer than it ought to, to recover from the surgery, I will at least know that the Cosmo tonight was way good...

(Well, hey, at least I posted tonight...)

Hope you all have wonderful things planned for the weekend!

As Requested

2008-10-02T23:28:00.000-07:00

And, I really have been having annoying issues with trying to upload photos to this blog. So, I have now officially thrown up my hands, and posted them on flickr.com... Here's the URL for my photos: http://www.flickr.com/photos/elinorina/

Please take a look and let me know what you think. The photos from our vacation in England are in the folder cleverly titled "Travel"... I'm working on a longer post with some reflections on the trip, which I'll try and get up in the next day or so.

And, yes, I know I haven't been good about blogging every day (as I was advised to do), but I plead sheer lethargy... er, no, that's not what I meant to say... I'm really busy, I swear! Really! I know I'm busy...

Nooooooo!!!!!

2008-10-02T23:18:00.001-07:00

Really, nooooo!!! I walked into Long's Drugs on Tuesday -- yes, September 30th -- and . . . Christmas crap!!! Already!!! Give me a break!!! What happened to Halloween? Thanksgiving? The High Holidays? (Well, okay, there's probably not a lot of call for Rosh Hashana stuff in this community, but hey...)

I mean, just seeing the Christmas crapola already up and displayed whipped me up but good! I know that the herd mentality is alive and well, and everyone is running around screeching that the American consumer might not spend deliriously this Holiday season and life as we know it will just suck. I have, for many years, been highly irritated with the fixation and focus on Christmas spending as the driver for contemporary American economy. It just bugs me no end. I mean, this is NOT a sustainable economic model, people. Plus, it really puts an unsavory twist on the holiday, at least for me. Please bear with me while I descend into a rant...

Growing up, my family didn't have a lot of money, but I never, ever felt short-changed at Christmas. But, we didn't go hog-wild nutso crazy, either. In fact, we didn't even put up our Christmas tree until Christmas Eve! I remember when I first moved to California, and saw people putting up Christmas trees on Thanksgiving... It was as odd to me as the Christmas I spent in India -- and THAT was odd! I mean, where's the mystery if your tree is lurking around for a whole month before Christmas morning! I cannot tell you the thrill it was to wake up on Christmas morning, and poof! magically, gifts had appeared under the tree. We'd usually put up the tree early in the day on Christmas Eve, but no decorations were put on until the evening, after dinner. (Sometimes, we'd cheat and put the lights on early, but that was being extraordinarily daring...) I recall some years, my friends from school would come over (they were all Jewish), and help decorate the tree. It was magic. And, the tree only stayed up until Epiphany (January 6th), and then it was all taken down and the decorations put away until the following year. And, by the way, we had REAL trees! The smell was heavenly... The tree would often be bought a week or more ahead of time, and would be put out on the fire escape to stay fresh. Sometimes, if I was feeling wild and crazy, I'd open the window and touch the tree, as it lay in wait... sometimes covered with snow!

I have to tell you that Christmas these days just doesn't have the same . . . pop . . . as it did when I was little. And, I'm sorry, but starting to flog Christmas tchochkas before October is just ridiculous.

OK, sorry for the rant... But it really did whip me up.

Home Again, Home Again...

2008-09-24T14:15:00.001-07:00

Oy, what a trip! But it was GREAT!!! I have to say this was one of my all-time best vacations, ever... The flight home (about 10 hours nonstop from London to San Francisco) felt like a short hop, compared to those flights back and forth to Asia that I've been doing the past year or so. And I'm not even going to whine about the two infants, three rows in front of me, who took turns howling for the ENTIRE flight! I felt so sorry for their parents, I really did... Been there, done that... And, one of the infants was just about a year old -- old enough to get himself righteously worked up to the point where nothing, no nothing, was going to pacify him. I would have bet five bucks that, at some point, either or both of the little ones would have tuckered themselves out from crying, and fell asleep. Well, if they did, it wasn't for very long.

I will post more later, and include some of the photos that both I and the spousal unit took. But, for now, it's back to Load #6 of laundry... All the stuff from the Asia trip, plus all the stuff from this trip. How did we manage to dirty so many pieces of clothing?

Cheers!

Another Gorgeous Day

2008-09-20T10:42:00.000-07:00

Well, we're closing in on the last few days here in England. Today, I'm kicking it in Salisbury, one of my favorite towns here in the UK. The spousal unit is off at his car festival, and I spent the morning running errands and doing some shopping. There were two bead stores here in Salisbury that had some really unusual things, so I was FORCED to spend some money. And, the lingerie department of M&S beckoned me... Ooops! I was also cruising along, and saw what looked to be a lingerie store. I went in and, lo and behold, it was a store devoted to erotica! The lingerie was, in fact, there but it was all of a "naughty" genre... Fake leather, chains, fantasy outfits, the whole nine yards. There were also all sorts of sex toys displayed -- I had NO IDEA that vibrators came in such a variety!!! Really, in the US, we are still quite Puritanical... There is no way in heck this kind of store would be found in your general store/mall, although I've seen them throughout the cities we've driven through. (I just never went in one previously...) Must see if the spousal unit wants to check it out! :-)

Anyway, enough of that. Had a nice leisurely coffee this morning, read my latest trash novel, puttered about, and finally met up with a colleague from The Company. Had a nice late lunch, a good catch-up session, and a lovely walk around the Cathedral and the close. Unfortunately, by the time we got there, things were closing up for the evening, so we did not get a chance to visit the Magna Carta exhibit. (One of my favorites...)

Have some nice photos to share, but will need to wait until I get home, as the Internet connectivity is a bit wonky here at the hotel we're staying at. It's an historic building, dating from the 1500s. One the Stuart kings stayed here on his way out of the country during the Civil War (so, that would be Charles I, perhaps)... The room is charming, if small. But the shower is fabulous! And there's no drought here... The bathtub is tiny, but I tried a bath last night anyway... complete with bubbles! Ahhh, I love the degenerate pastimes I get up to on holiday...

Well, that's it for now. I hope each of you are doing well.

Cheers!

Greetings From England!

2008-09-14T06:28:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am, in the beautiful rolling countryside of the South of England. I'm near the town of New Milton, at the edge of the New Forest. (I've never been quite sure what happened to the Old Forest, or how one creates a new forest, and for the love of pete I think the new forest was started hundreds and hundreds of years ago, so I don't think it's all that new, but...)

Anyway, I digress. We landed in England on Friday morning, after a not-too-terrible journey. We flew San Francisco to Washington, D.C., had a stop-over of about an hour, and then Washington to London. It was, all total, a long journey, but breaking it into two legs gave me the illusion of not being cooped up in a plane for hours on end. (Since we had flown home the day before from Asia, the psychological aspects were very important, as I would have gone buggy if I thought about it...)

We got into Heathrow, jumped on the Heathrow Connect train into Paddington Station, then hopped on another train out to the town of Swindon. There were lots of young people on the train, with unnaturally-colored dreadlocks, body piercings, outlandish garb, rucksacks and sleeping bags, all of whom also got off at Swindon. Being the perceptive type that I am, I discerned that something was up. Well, apparently there was some sort of gathering of the tribes locally -- the Waveform Festival -- and I'm not sure what that is, but lots of people were congregating outside the train station at Swindon, waiting for transport to said festival. The bus showed up -- the "Festi-Bus" -- a garishly-painted double-decker, and they all hopped on, and took off. It was sort of surreal, as I really hadn't slept on the plane to the UK, and was a bit groggy. I think, as I type this, that perhaps I hallucinated the whole thing.

Anyway, in Swindon, we picked up this Land Rover the spousal unit had bought on eBay (I am not kidding you), and off we went. It's a great vehicle, and we felt so terribly British, we could barely stand it. On our drive to the South, the heavens opened and we were caught in a typical English downpour. But, we drove on. We stayed on the correct side of the road, and found our way to the town of New Milton. (Thanks to a good road atlas and our GPS system, which we brought with us.) Of course, as it's against my spouse's religion to book any accommodation in advance, we were then forced to wander about, seeking a bed at any B&B in the area. Nothing, nada, zip. Great. I was figuring we'd spend our first night in England sleeping in the damn car. But, then we saw a sign for a hotel... the Chewton Glen hotel. We figured we'd go there, see if there were any rooms or if they could refer us to alternate accommodation. I'm thinking it's going to be a nice, but mediocre, place. Oh, no, my friends. This place is GORGEOUS... It's a beautiful old typical English country house and a terribly exclusive hotel. Of course, there was only one room left, so we took it. It is beyond the expectations of even the famous Diva Tour (my former colleagues at The Company know whereof I speak)... I gasped when I saw the room rates, but figured if I got hit by a bus next week, at least I'd die happy.

This place is wonderful. Very quiet, very proper British. The grounds are immaculate, the rooms lovely, the china is by Villeroy & Bosch, the toiletries are Moulton Brown, and the bed is to die for -- at night, they put on this out-of-the-world fluffy duvet, and I'm a happy camper. The bed linens have a discreet embroidered crest on them, and the staff are out of some British novel... Ahhhh...

Yesterday, Saturday, the husband and I did the first day of the Beaulieu International Auto Jumble, and I had a wonderful time. After lunch, he went back to cruise the stalls and look for bargains, and I took a tour of the manor house and the ruins of the Cistercian abbey on the estate. My kind of place... Absolutely, positively lovely. When I get it together, I'll update this post with photos from the hotel and the Beaulieu estate, as well as some more thoughts on the experience.

But, for now, must log off. I'm going back to auto jumble with Himself, to check out YET ANOTHER CAR he wants to buy. Okay, then, twist my arm...

Hope all of you are having a lovely weekend.

Cheers!

So, Where the Heck Am I???

2008-09-11T00:41:00.000-07:00

We got back from Viet Nam at about 9:00PM this evening, after an INTERMINABLE flight from Saigon. We flew Singapore Airlines, so at least the service was good, and those flight attendants -- scary! I finally figured out that, gorgeous as they all are (men and women), the ladies all have the very same makeup! Yep, same eye shadow color, same lipstick, same absolutely flawless complexion... I don't think they're air-brushed, but wow... And the beautiful uniforms they wear... Lovely... But, we flew first from Saigon down to Singapore, then Singapore to Hong Kong, and then Hong Kong to San Francisco.

We had about four hours between flights in Singapore, so the spousal unit and I took a cab into town, and belted down a couple of Singapore Slings at the Long Bar at the Raffles Hotel. I am sorry to report that the drinks were not good -- if there was any liquor in them, I'm a Kansas grandma! And they cost about US$16 each! But, the Long Bar is steeped in history, the peanuts were crunchy and fresh, and what the heck, now I can say that I had a Singapore Sling at Raffles.

We only had about an hour between flights in Hong Kong, and that was barely enough to wend our way through security and then back on the plane. We had relatively good seats (two together, and there were only two in our row -- Row 61, almost at the back of the plane, and on a 747 that's quite a ways back!), even though they were in Economy. (And folks who know me know that I do not normally take kindly to flying steerage, but I'm running low on miles in my frequent flyer account, and want to save them for when I really need or want them.) (And, this whole trip was on redeemed miles anyway, so what the heck.) I did watch three movies, which I also don't normally do, and then tried to sleep a bit. Unfortunately, with only two seats to spread out on, I was pretty much contorted in a pretzel-like configuration. Luckily, the plane was not full (particularly in the back of the plane), so the spouse and I agreed that one of us would camp out in an empty row (five seats across) and take the first half of the flight to sleep, and then we'd switch. He is one of those people who can sleep on planes. And, he slept through some pretty spectacular turbulence. I, on the other hand, was attempting to eat dinner without having my wine fly all over the place, and then I actually did sleep, off and on, for a few hours. When I got the stretch-out space, I think I slept a bit, but I am not good about sleeping on planes.

Anyway, we made it home, dumped out all the crapola from this trip, quickly ran two loads of laundry, and we're now re-packing for our trip to the UK. We leave tomorrow morning, and get into London at 10:00AM, local time, on Friday. I'm looking forward to that trip. It's been a while since I was in England, and it should be lovely.

But, for now, I'm fading fast, and am going to try and attempt to sleep. Up early tomorrow, pack, and zip off to the airport. Again, if Internet access is cooperative, I'll post from the UK...

Hope all of you are doing well... I can't believe it's September already! Where did the year go???

Cheers!

Greetings from Saigon

2008-09-06T20:43:00.000-07:00

Well, here again in Saigon . . . er, Ho Chi Minh City... sorry... Hot, not as humid as it's been on other days and other trips. But good gracious I keep forgetting how hot and crowded and NOISY this city is. And that's coming from a gal who was born and brought up in New York City! So, that's saying something. (Well, to be totally honest, most of my life in NYC was up in The Bronx, where it isn't quite as crowded and noisy as Manhattan, but still a far cry from the bedroom suburb I live in now...)

I enjoy most of the aspects of visiting Vietnam, the food, the people (all of whom are incredibly gracious and who don't laugh too terribly at my efforts to say "hello" and "thank you"), and the general sense of history. For those of us of a certain generation, it's always interesting to walk around here. You're walking with ghosts...

I am, however, anxious to get out of here and get back home -- ok, for one night, to wash clothes and re-pack for the UK -- the feeling of being alien is quite disconcerting. Most places in Europe, I can "pass" for a local, and can understand most of what is said and the signs, etc. However, in Aisa, I'm hosed pretty much. Very irritating! But, many places have a mix of Vietnamese and English on signs, etc. But, not enough to make me feel comfortable...

OK, that's it for now. More to come...

Last-Minute Swirling...

2008-09-02T20:11:00.000-07:00

So, it's the usual night-before-we-leave pre-trip nutsiness... You would think that, with the number of trips I've taken over my working life, I'd be able to do this in my sleep. Well, yes, one would think that, wouldn't one... But, apparently now that I'm no longer a wage slave, all my trip savviness has disappeared (along with my regular paycheck)... Nah, I'll be able to pull it together, no worries...

As noted in a prior post, we've got two trips, back to back, which means I'm really doing two packing chores: one set of clothes, etc. for Vietnam, where it'll be around 90 degrees and incredibly humid, and another set for the UK, where it'll be around 65 degrees (or below) and probably rainy (or, of course, it could be in the 80s and fine/sunny) (0ne never knows when one goes to England)... We'll be home just one night between the trips, and much confusion will no doubt ensue as we throw set one on the floor and throw set two into the suitcases...

I'm taking a sewing project with me to the UK, to occupy myself while DH is busy doing one of his car events. It's a table runner, in a maile wreath pattern, done in the Hawaiian quilting style; i.e., a needle-turn applique, then channel quilted. The background is a pale yellow mottled batik-y type fabric, and the applique is a dark green mottled batik-y fabric; looks real nice together, IMHO. It's an intricate applique, so it ought to keep me busy for quite a while. I'll post a photo when it's a bit further along; right now, it's just pinned in place, not even basted.

Other than that, I think all is as ready (short of final packing) as it can be. We'll see... I'll try and post on our travels, but Internet access might be intermittent from time to time.

Until then...

Happy Labor Day!

2008-09-01T18:04:00.000-07:00

Really, happy Labor Day to all of you out there -- I hope you are all doing something relaxing and fulfilling. The spousal unit and I have been running around all day, getting ready for our upcoming holidays.

First, a quick trip to Vietnam to take care of some personal business (just a week), then home for one night, and then off to the UK for ten days. The spousal unit has two major car-related events lined up to occupy him in England (I'll be bringing a quilting project to work on while he's off doing car things) (and maybe I'll visit Stonehenge again -- I loved seeing it the first time, many years ago), we'll take in "Spamalot" in London (the second time for me, the first for him), have dinner with one of the folks who used to be on my team when I was with The Company, perhaps have drinks with some of the other folks who are still at The Company, and we're not sure what else. We'll be picking up a car we've bought (in the UK), so we'll have a bit more flexibility than we might otherwise have.

In Vietnam, we'll spend some time in Ho Chi Minh City (aka Saigon), and a couple of days out in the country, visiting family friends. It's hot there, as usual, with lingering thunderstorms and/or rain (oh, goodie), but we've been there enough that I think it won't be such a shock to our systems as it was the first time! It will be quite a transition when we get to the UK, where the temps are hovering in the mid-60s, with probably some scattered showers. So, we've got two piles of stuff growing on the dining room table: one for Asia, one for Europe. Such global wanderers we are...

We went and smacked the tennis ball around again this morning. My energy level wasn't what it should have been -- I just could not get myself to scurry around the court to get to the ball. Well, some days are like that, I guess. (I didn't totally embarrass myself, but just wasn't firing on all cylinders.) Ran errands, organized "stuff", blah blah blah... Just sort of futzing and putzing around. Not a bad way to spend Labor Day.

I should have roused myself to pay more attention to the Republican Convention, but I just can't get that excited. Every time I listen in to any Republican Party propaganda -- er, messaging -- I start getting a headache from increased blood pressure. I try, I really try, to maintain some distance and criticality in my thinking, but I just think the messaging is so very wrong for our country. OK, there you go -- I've laid it down for y'all to see... Yep, I'm so not a Republican. I do have a whole lot of compassion for whats-her-face, the VP candidate, with her family issues. Can't be fun, between her new baby having Down syndrome (no, there's nothing wrong with it, just added stresses and challenges) and her 17-year-old daughter pregnant (again, just more challenges that perhaps would have been better faced later)... I send many positive thoughts out to her and to her family, that they'll work their way through these issues. I'm sure they will -- seem like a pretty strong family.

Well, I really should move myself off the sofa, and start cooking dinner. I should, and I will, soon. Really soon. Going to grill some steaks, cook up some fresh corn on the cob, and maybe throw together a salad. Typical American fare... I love my little grill (a 14" one, mini-kettle type, uses charcoal), but I lust after a gas grill. I used one in Kauai a couple of years ago (there were some at the condo complex we stayed at), and was immediately smitten! Who knew I'd turn into a grilling gal! I like the way the food tastes, and it's really not a big deal.

OK, that's it. One, two, three... up I get...

More tomorrow!

Sunday... Encore de rien?

2008-08-31T18:15:00.000-07:00

Well, another lovely day here in Northern California... Nothing much happened, at least that I can write about here... Got up late, watched a bit of "Sunday Morning", went out for coffee, ate Thai food leftovers, went over to the Berkeley house and actually did a few chores, and now we're back here, contemplating the infinite... Or at least I am...

Tomorrow is Labor Day, making it a three-day weekend. Not that it means much to me, as I am now a lady of leisure, at least until the first of the year. However, it does mean that the spousal unit will be around tomorrow, which is nice. We have a reservation to go and hit the tennis ball at 11:00AM tomorrow, and then we'll start swirling, getting ready for our vacation. Actually, we'll be taking two trips, back to back, but will be wandering the globe for a little over three weeks. Two piles of clothes and other goodies are rapidly growing on the dining table, and I'm sure we'll forget something.

I'm still brooding about the movie we watched last night, Fellini's "8-1/2"... Actually, it depressed the hell out of me, for very personal reasons. There's a part of me which is very sorry I ever watched it. But, I did and can check it off my cultural to-do list. (Still really ought to rent "La Dolce Vita" and watch that... maybe...)

But, I do have the NYT Sunday puzzle waiting for me, and the laundry is done, and the recycling is out at the curb, and it's not over 100 degrees here, and all is well, I think. Both Cal and Oregon won their football games yesterday (yea!!!), so what more can one ask for? (Don't answer that...)

Sorry to be so trite here, but some days, that is just the way it is. Perhaps I should have waited until after my second Cosmo to write? Nah, bad idea...

OK, more tomorrow.

Cheers!

Fellini on a Saturday Night

2008-08-30T20:29:00.000-07:00

So, we have Netflix (well, I mean, who doesn't?), and we've had the DVD of Fellini's "8-1/2" sitting here for over a month, so we've decided to watch it (finally), so we can get it out of here and move on to whatever is next on the list (probably some other foreign-language film that's going to sit around for another month). I am ashamed -- sorely and deeply ashamed -- to admit that I have never seen this movie! This, despite the fact that ANYONE who had ANY pretensions to intellectualism back in the 1960s (and, maybe, the 1970s, but my memories of that era are a weensie bit fuzzy) claimed to have seen the movie numerous times and to have understood all the bizarre allusions. In fact, at times in my life, I have felt (or so I told folks) that I was in the middle of a Fellini movie (inferring, of course, that it was 8-1/2)... Liar, liar, pants on fire...

Hey, frankly, I could just sit and listen to Italian for hours anyway. And Marcello M. was so young and so gorgeous in this movie, I am not sure I care about what the heck Fellini was trying to say (assuming, of course, that he was in fact trying to say anything, and not just having us all on). This is one heck of a weird movie. It came out in 1963... Where was I then? Ooops, I don't even want to think about that. But the hair styles and make-up in this movie do bring me back to my misspent youth. We were all terribly au courant and elegant, weren't we? Well, I was, don't know about you-all...

Speaking of Italian, I was in Fry's this afternoon, along with pretty much every high-tech geek in the general vicinity, looking for a new set of earphones for my iPod (my other pair -- a dearly beloved pair of Sony ones -- has grown legs and disappeared). For reasons that are not totally clear, earphones are located in three different parts of the store. (And, I'm sure there were other displays too, but I was running out of patience by the third needle in a haystack.)

Anyway, I found a pair that cost less than $50 (I kid you not -- $50 for little gizmos that go in your ears -- what's up with that???) and had an extension piece (which is what my missing ones had), but was contemplating which set of the three I held to buy, when I heard some fellows launch into what seemed to be an argument, behind me. However, after less than a minute, I realized that they were Italians, and were simply discussing the relative benefits of various models of earphones! God, I love to hear Italians get into it. Must be the genetic memory or some such thing. So, being the shy retiring little flower that I am, I struck up a chat with them. They are all from Milan (where my grandfather hailed from, so I seem to recall), and are here in SiliValley on business, on assignment at a large high-tech company. I told them my last name (which is a very common one in the area of Milan), and there ensued much hand-waving, shoulder-shrugging, and rolling of eyes. They were a bit miffed that I do not speak much Italian, but my girlish good looks no doubt carried the day. It was fun.

Speaking of fun, a couple of days ago, I was running an errand, and parked the car on a side street off the main drag near my destination, and as I was walking I caught sight of a sign out of the corner of my eye, which piqued my interest. The sign listed the name of the establishment as the "House of Pain"... It's a tattoo parlor! Frankly, I do not think I would (myself) patronize a tattoo salon with that name. Seems like tempting the devil to me. But I can't seem to get it out of my mind. (Perhaps I should discuss this with my therapist when I next see her...)

What else... Well, today, out of an excess of something or other, I attacked The Great Heap on the floor of the walk-in closet in our master bedroom. (I was hunting for the missing earphones.) (OK, I'm obsessing about them, so???) Anyway, I sorted and threw out and organized, and am feeling terribly virtuous. I also had one heck of a tennis lesson this morning -- the main teacher and the co-teacher ran our little butts off! And that made me feel even mor virtuous. Afterwards, I realized that I've really improved a lot, and that made me feel pretty darn good. There are usually only four ladies who show up for class (there's about 10 men), and we are generally split off into our own little sub-group. We're getting to know each other, and three of us will be getting together on Tuesday morning for a little session on our own. My spousal unit has volunteered to make a fourth, so this ought to be fun!

I never ever thought I'd be a suburban lady playing tennis on weekday mornings! Oh, if the youthful me -- dressed all in black, smoking horrid French cigarettes and thinking big thoughts -- could see the present-day me... She'd roll her eyes in disgust! Ha, what did she know, anyway...

For some reason, as I look back on each phase of my life, it seems like I've been pretty happy,in general, doing what I was doing. (OK, there were some periods when I was pretty miserable, and indulged in incredibly stupid and demeaning and self-destructive behavior, but we'll just ignore those days...) Maybe, now that I think of it, I'm the happiest now that I've ever been. Reaching 60 has EMPOWERED me (god, I hate that word, but it's pretty accurate) -- I really feel able to say "no" to people, to ignore folks who irritate me, to verbalize what I want and need (and my spousal unit is thrilled to accommodate me on many of those points), and I generally feel quite comfortable in my skin, perhaps for the first time in my life. (Aside from the skin on my neck waggling and nasty little -- big -- creases down my face and jowls that sprang out of nowhere one day...) But, I like the way I look, I am proud of what I've accomplished, I am confident of my abilities in many areas, and I think I finally am semi-convinced that The Competence Police will not show up at my house and haul me back to fifth grade to work on long division again!

OK, the more I look at this movie, I can see that really not too many episodes in my life were at all like it... Sorry, then to all the folks I annoyed with my blah-blah about Fellini-esque experiences...

The spousal unit and I went out to dinner tonight (a shameless indulgence, given that I'm not working right now) (but we did get a 20% off coupon in the local Val-Pak envelope yesterday), to a very nice local Thai restaurant. Good food, and we didn't eat too much. Now, it's getting late, the cat is lounging on the cocktail table in front of us, we're listening to the Italian burble away from the movie, the crickets or cicadas or frogs or whatever outside are chirping away, the weather is cool, and all is right with the world. I think.

I hope all of you are happy and content this evening. More tomorrow... Ciao!

The Plot Thickens...

2008-08-29T09:56:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well... Just listening to John McCain's announcement of Sarah Palin (Governor of Alaska) as his running mate. So, is it a huge smack-down to the Demos? A desperate move by his team to suck up stray members of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantsuits/disgruntled feminists who are still seething over the perceived slight to Hillary? What? Should prove interesting, no?

You know, I just love national politics, I really do. In a sick, fascinated kind of way. Can hardly wait for the pontificating to start. (Oh, wait, it just did...)

OK, back to errands. Just had to share/post/vent a bit. Fascinating, just fascinating...

More later!

The Convention (Part 2)

2008-08-28T19:55:00.000-07:00

Wow, this is an HISTORIC night... Who would ever have thought, way back in the early 1960s, that we would see someone like Barack Obama (that is, an African American man) making a speech as a candidate for President of the United States? (And, please note, had things turned out differently, we'd be seeing a woman making the speech... either way, one heck of a milestone!) Kind of makes my arms fill with goosebumps... Regardless of what your political persuasion is, or which party and candidate you support, I think you will admit this is something to witness and to talk to your children (or grandchildren) about years from now. Really really something. I can hardly wait to see the Republican Convention, and what they say and do at that little clambake.

Sorry (well, sort of) for the rant in yesterday's post. I do get whipped up about the state of things in the US these days. I even thought of a few more points I didn't make, but should have:

I am deeply worried about what seems to me the growing "balkanization" of the populace, into groups that are identified by ethnic origin, and the assumption (on many people's part) that all of the people in that group think alike, and that they will vote based on their ethnic-centric issues (as pumped out by the media). I grew up in Post WWII New York City, and by golly there were folks from every country and planet living there, and even though we were proud of our respective ethnic backgrounds, we were, first and foremost, Americans. I don't hear a lot of that any more.

I think I addressed this yesterday, but I am baffled about where the money needed to repair our nation's infrastructure and to invest in the technology and development needed to transition us to the next century, if the mantra continues to be "no new taxes"... Who the heck is going to give the money to do all the needed work -- the Infrastructure Bunny? I realize that we don't, here in the US, have the castle/peasants/Vikings heritage (i.e., the government as the protector of the populace in the face of external threats), but jeez louise!!! Guys, come on... There is absolutely nothing inherently evil about taxes! Those rabble-rousers who go on and on about "the government" taking "your money"... well, yes, it is "your" money -- you earned it (or whatever). But, you and each of you and each of us has an obligation to kick in a portion of your money into the communal "pot", so the government (which, by the way, is us, not some alien race come to earth to lord it over us) can do those things (build roads, defend the country, provide certain benefits and services on a national basis) which we cannot do individually. And do not even get me started on letting private companies do it... There are some good things about that paradigm, but more often than not, it just doesn't work -- very little accountability is often the result. (I could make some snarky remarks about Blackwater and other private companies operating in Iraq, but that would be beneath me.)

OK, enough of that. (Oh, heck, one more thing -- what about the development in Texas, where teachers can now carry concealed weapons? My husband, who used to teach in the public schools, did twitch a bit when he read that...)

Ah, we live in interesting times. Speaking of which, I really do miss KKH, my best friend from law school, godmother to my children, my best woman at my wedding, dear friend, role model, and general stand-up gal... There have been so many times recently when I wish I had her here to smack me upside the head, feed me Barry's tea, harangue me about my politics, and let me whimper for at least an hour at a time. I really really miss her. When I was at my daughter's flat recently, it occurred to me that she (my daughter) somehow inherited her godmother's sense of style, and had made her apartment a warm, eclectic and inviting home. (I might point out that my daughter also has a serious thing for Barry's tea... nature or nurture?)

Other than that, same old, same old... Tonight was foot-rub night; the spousal unit and I have found a Chinese foot rubbing spa in the neighborhood; $20 for an hour of bliss... We go every Thursday night... I got hooked on this practice on a business trip to Singapore some years ago, and came home raving about it. The husband just gave me "the look" and refused to try it... until HE went on a business trip to Singapore (with a stop-over in Hong Kong) and tried it, reluctantly. He's a bigger fan of it now than I am! (Well, almost... I've been known to get it done daily when I'm working in Hong Kong or China...) Anyway, that's always a treat for us.

The other highlight of the day was the latest issue of "Threads" magazine coming in the mail. As you may have picked up, I love to sew. This magazine always gets my creative juices flowing. It's a bit pricey, and I probably should not indulge in it since I'm no longer working full-time, but heck I'd rather give up my daily S*bucks (which I have) than give up "Threads"... So, that being said, I'll say au revoir for now, and go read it. Again. For the third time.

Have a wonderful evening, y'all...

Since you asked...

2008-08-27T18:01:00.000-07:00

So, my BFF in Massachusetts asked me today, what is my political persuasion?

Well, that's a very interesting question. I guess I'm not any one thing. (Sit back and take a breath, I'm about to go on a rant...)

I am passionate about personal responsibility. I am not necessarily in favor of the inter-generational transfer of personal wealth. I believe in the necessity of paying taxes, but strongly believe that our government is a steward of those moneys and must be held accountable for spending them in a wise fashion, to create a sustainable society. I believe that we are all responsible for creating a world that our children and our children's children can live in with a reasonable degree of comfort.

I believe that our elected representatives should be allowed to serve as long as they are able to do so, in a responsible and fair fashion. I believe that the government is us, and we are the government. I believe that the government has a role to play in ensuring that the most vulnerable members of our society have the minimum needed to live adequately. I believe that the government that governs least, governs best, but that it must indeed govern.

I am aghast at the vast disparity in wealth in this country. I am even more aghast in which individuals in this society seem to be able to accumulate obscene amounts of wealth in exchange for efforts which, while valuable, are ancillary (perhaps) to the basic needs of everyone's life.

I will not tolerate discrimination against those members of our society on the basis of someone's religion, or someone's skin color, or someone's ethnic heritage, or someone's sexual orientation, or someone's political leanings. I do not believe that people should have the right to yell "Fire!" in a crowded theatre without some consequence.

I believe most strongly in personal responsibility, and in keeping one's word. I detest hypocrasy. I detest "drama queens". I detest pettifogging nitpickers. I detest with all my heart phonies of all stripes. I detest prevaricators and liars. (White lies to save the feelings of one's loved ones may be OK... do NOT tell me my new dress makes me look like Shamu, ok?)

I cannot understand why this country is unable or unwilling to invest in its own future, by ensuring that our infrastructure is maintained and brought up to 21st Century standards. I am appalled at the knee-jerk reaction to many initiatives of the Federal government, simply because they are that.

I am despondent about the "me first" attitude I see throughout all sectors of this society. I have faith in our heritage. I have faith in the fundamental fairness of the bulk of the American people.

I have a firm belief that almost every parent wants the same things for their children: that they have a full tummy, a warm and safe bed to sleep in, and a chance to be whatever they want.

I am saddened by the fact that our jails are so full of people, whether or not one believes that they truly ought to be there. I am appalled at the callousness of many people toward their fellow men/women. I am saddened that there is still so much need in this country of plenty.

I am amazed that there are many who demand "rights" for people who have not complied with the laws of this land; at the same time, I am filled with compassion for people whose lives in their own countries are so horrendous that they will chance death to come to the US to work in menial jobs.

I am ashamed of my own judgmental nature, and my failure to live up to my basic human requirements: to be compassionate to my fellow man, to love my fellow man as I love myself, and to do unto others as I would have done unto me. I smack myself in the head regularly for not paying attention to the beam in my eye, while carping about the mote in my fellow man's eye.

I'm sorry we don't have a monarch (sometimes). I wish our Congress was more like the Parliament of England. (I just love the Prime Minister's Question Time...)

I am appalled at the exaltation of "shareholder value" (which isn't really anything to do with shareholders) over creating a sustainable business model which would support all the employees in a meaningful fashion. I am saddened by the over-reaching greed of many corporations and their lackeys.

I am depressed about the tendency to measure a person's worth by the size of their bank account. I get really depressed about the unfairness of it all.

I am always uplifted by the spirit of the American people when faced with a tragedy or a crisis. I love our traditions and our customs. I am proud to be from New York, where a multitude of cultures and traditions swirled around into a great melange of wonderful opportunities.

I hate the fact that there is still no meaningful mass transit in the San Francisco Bay Area (including, my friends, the Silicon Valley)...

So, what does that make me? Well, I've been registered as a member of the Democratic Party for years -- longer than I can remember. I've voted in just about every election that I've been eligible to vote in since I did register to vote, way back when. Yes, I suck in my breath when I write that check to the IRS every year, but mostly because I know the money (or most of it) will be shredded and sucked into a black hole on a war that ought never have been started, or on programs that are bogus to the extreme. I guess I'm a quasi-monarchist Socialist on most days... Sometimes I veer toward New Deal Democratic. Some times, sort of Republican. Oh, darn, who knows.

This question is right in the forefront of my brain right now. I'm watching Bill Clinton address the Democratic Convention. Love him or hate him, he is one heck of a speaker. (Much like the Dear Leader of The Company, but better...) He could sell ice cubes to eskimos, I think... He is unbelievable... I don't think he really got the recognition he deserves. (OK, he has got some personal issues but I'm beginning to think that many men are weak of spirit and tend to stray in the physical sense, kind of like stray dogs...) Thank you, Bill! One heck of a speech -- but way too short for you!!! Not even half an hour!!! We wuz robbed!!!

Isn't this an amazing time in our history? For the first time, an African-American man is the candidate of a major political party. And his challenger, right until the last minute, is a woman! (Hey, I'm still irritated that he didn't choose Hillary as his running mate -- I think that ticket would have won the election hands down -- but for some reason, no one called to ask me my opinion...) Wow... Who would have thunk it? What a time to be alive... Now, I'll keep my fingers crossed that the election isn't marred by some stupid technical issue (hanging chads, anyone?), that the campaigns are not nasty and filthy (yeah, right, sure), and that the wisdom of the masses comes out of it.

And that's all I have to say for tonight. The timer on the stove is beeping, time to pull the ribs out of the oven, slap the potato salad on the table, and dive in!

Take care, all... Remember, whatever your political persuasion, it is your DUTY and OBLIGATION to REGISTER and to VOTE!!!! YES, IT IS!!!

Peace out...

The Convention

2008-08-26T21:03:00.000-07:00

Is anyone out there listening to/watching the Democratic Party Convention? I'm catching bits and pieces, including a bit of the speech by Kathleen Sibelius (Governor of Kansas) and whats-his-name, the governor of Montana (sounded like a really good speech), and a bit of Hillary Clinton's speech. As cynical as I am, I still feel goosebumps when I see these rituals of American democracy... I get WHIPPED UP!!! I just love this stuff... (Hey, I used to get all whipped up when I went to the California State Bar annual meetings... go figure...) But some of the BS really gets up my nose; in particular, the horrible demeaning nasty partisan politics -- the twisting of the truth, the baseless jabs, the disinformation, all the usual crap -- just makes me so very sad. Am I naive to believe that The People couldn't figure out which end is up just fine without all the BS? People like Karl Rove (sorry, Karl) really get up my nose. I think it's because I am, for the most part, a very direct, honest, no-BS person. (The folks who worked with me for many years can attest to that.) And, when I see this nonsense go on, I get riled up! Just my five cents.

I got a lovely call today from one of my sip-n-sew buddies, making sure I am OK. (I've been going through some personal tsuris lately that's gotten me pretty down...) LK, there is no way I can tell you how much that meant to me. Really. Hope your road trip went well, my friend...

I also got some great emails from my BFF, back in Massachusetts, which made me laugh out loud. God love that woman, she never fails to raise my spirits. Have a wonderful time on the Vineyard this weekend, my dear -- enjoy the sun, the sand, the books, the boyfriend, the whole thing... You deserve it!

Also, a great big shout-out to KL, one of my buddies from work... Thanks for the comments! I'm stoked to know that you've been reading my blog!!! And it's nice to know that I'm missed. Sniff... And another shout-out to my former assistant, MJ, who was IM'ing me today... thanks for worrying about me!

This morning, after the spousal unit left for work, I keeled over and fell asleep on the sofa for two hours... Guilty pleasures... Then, spent an hour or so, ironing his vast collection of Hawaiian shirts... It just bugged me that the lapels and front edges and hems were all lumpy and wrinkled... Yep, obviously NOT ENOUGH TO DO!!! Then did some more cleaning and straightening of the vast pile of crap I brought home from the office, went to the supermarket (great selection of trash novels there -- hooray!), got semi-organized in terms of piling up things we'll need to take on vacation with us (more than two days in advance, by the way), and just generally futzed around. Oh, and made sure that the dead animal disposal people actually showed up and hauled away the remains of the dead deer in the creek behind our house. It was lovely to be able to go out on my deck today, without having to hold my nose because of the stench. (Sorry, I know, TMI...) It's going to be quite hot around here the next few days, so this is a wonderful thing (i.e., no smell)...

This evening, the husband and I went out to have our "usual" drink-and-appetizer outing to The Elephant Bar (yes, it's only Tuesday and not Friday, which is when we usually go, but what the heck)... Nice to be able to have a date night with your spouse. The son was lurking around our house, probably hoping to be asked to join us, but we left him to his own devices for dinner. He cooked something (I think it was a heavily modified matzoh brei, with red tomato and garlic spread mixed in it), but left damn near every dish in the house dirty in the process. I do believe he's getting in touch with his creative side... Before I had a chance to get him to clean up after himself, the latest quasi-girlfriend showed up, and poof! he's out the door, to go get ice cream, back in a bit mom, I love you, bye... Like a whirlwind!!!

Then, got a call from The Daughter, who has finally gotten a kitten. Eight weeks old, grey, probably to be named Gracie. She's been wanting a kitten for a while, and nothing I could say would sway her. She's living by herself, in a nice one-bedroom flat, and swears she won't let the kitten destroy things. Ha! She obviously doesn't remember what the last kitten (now a cat) did when she was a young thing... I remember her scooting right up the middle of the Christmas tree, ornaments flying every which way... She was awfully cute... Still is...

Really, my life is just BORING... But, you know what? It's OK. I was telling the husband tonight that, finally, I'm quite comfortable in my own skin. I am not inclined to take crap from anyone any more, don't see or feel the need to subject myself to hanging out with people who make me irriated, dress the way I think suits me, say what I think and consequences be damned (of course, I'm always compassionate and sensitive), and just generally I'm firing on all cylinders (to use a phrase from my corporate past)... It's like all the boundaries I used to put on myself have dropped away. This is really kind of exciting! Who knew that being 60 would be so much fun! (Yeah, but I'm still not totally sure about that tattoo...) (Now, a face lift -- maybe -- definitely -- perhaps...)

OK, I took GB's advice, and wrote something for today. It's not great, but I think of this as a kind of discipline... Like yoga, but without the bending and stretching...

Cheers!

Monday night...

2008-08-25T21:16:00.000-07:00

... and all is well. I just finished watching Michelle Obama give the keynote speech at the Democratic Convention, and was struck by how wonderfully she spoke -- I hate hate hate public speaking, but apparently do it well. She made it look effortless. I found it particularly impressive, given the weight of history that was on her shoulders. Wow... I'm sorry I wasn't watching it with my daughter, so we could have shared this very special moment. As it was, I was watching it avidly, but with the spousal unit and the son both paying total attention to their respective computers, and not paying any attention at all to the TV (or to me or to each other, I might add). Sheesh...

I have been thinking big thoughts all day. I have been ruminating on friendship, and how deep it can be and also how ephemeral it can be. I got a wonderful email from my best friend -- from high school, and still there -- and it made me smile. I had written to her about hearing a balalaika melody on "Prairie Home Companion", which was the same piece she and I would goof around to way back when... That simple tune took me back more decades than I want to admit to. I recall writing long letters to her, when we were apart during the Summer -- all handwritten, by the way, children -- and her wonderful letters back. Now, we do emails, but the contents are still great. I'm sure our offspring would just roll their eyes if they could read our emails, but that's just fine with me. We missed many years, when we were both busy raising our families -- although we were both transplanted New Yorkers, living on the West Coast -- but now we're back in contact. We're still trying to figure out what we're going to be when we grow up... I treasure her beyond all measure, and give thanks to the Great Being that we still have each other. I'm also more than a little bummed at the lack of contact with any of the buddies I worked with at The Company... I know, in my rational mind, that life there goes on without a hiccup, and aside from an occasional fond memory (perhaps), the hole resulting from my departure has been filled quite quickly. Sad, though... Almost 17 years, and I would have hoped for some more outreach. But, I guess it's up to me to instigate the continued contact, if I want it. I have my sewing ladies (the sip-n-sew bunch), and I treasure them, as well. I've tried their patience over the past months, and they've been more than generous with their time, their listening, their advice, and their offers of support. All very much appreciated, and I want them to know it...

The husband and I also went and hit tennis balls this afternoon, and I didn't do at all badly. I'm getting better at controlling the ball (not that you'd know it by looking at my performance on the court), and know enough to know when I'm not doing it right, which is infinitely more frustrating. Then, we went to Peet's, and indulged in our new favorite drink: the Jasmine Lime Iced Tea Cooler (or words to that effect)... major yum! I am really enjoying having the time to pay attention to The Husband -- he got sorely short-changed for many years, when I was working like a maniac. And, I've paid the price -- we've both paid the price -- for that. We're working on being there for each other, and trying to make up for the lost years. Lots of scar tissue there, but we're working on it.

I cooked some splendiferous spaghetti for dinner -- chopped onion and garlic, sauteed it in a tiny bit of olive oil, and then dumped in bottled sauce -- I can't seem to just leave things alone... Great garlic bread, and some nice white wine (can't drink the red stuff any more -- terrible allergic reactions), and there you go... A lovely dinner... Now, I'm on the sofa, writing this post, the husband has finished looking at eBay (there MUST be something there we need desperately) and is doing some work-work, and he's rubbing my feet somewhat absent-mindedly... A cozy domestic scene...

I must say, I'm starting to enjoy this "holiday" from work (i.e., office work)... I am thinking of this time as the two sabbaticals I didn't get, as management got rid of that benefit during The Times of the Troubles (all hands on deck, blah blah blah)... I figure that's 12 weeks I'm owed... ha! That ought to take me through the end of the calendar year, and then we'll figure out what's next... I know I'm busy all day, but at bedtime, I'll be darned if I can list more than two or three things I got done... What's up with that? Reminds me of when I was on maternity leave with both of my kids... I'd still be in my jammies at 9PM, staggering around, wondering what the heck hit me all day...

OK, enough of this babbling... Time to read a bit of the latest "Cooking Light" magazine, and then off to bed...

Cheers!

Loudon Wainright redux

2008-08-24T11:37:00.000-07:00

Things on Sunday morning often appear a bit out of kilter, for no apparent reason. DH and I woke up early, about 6:15, but after some consideration of alternatives, rolled over and went back to sleep, and finally hauled our sorry selves out of bed about 10:00AM. Bad idea. Now, we're both groggy and fighting incipient headaches. We are both plagued by headaches, often due to stress (!), too much wine (!!), climate changes, pollutants (e.g., dust from sweeping driveway or cleaning), or whatever... This morning, we think it could be because of bad odors due to a deceased deer which is in the creek behind our house. Yukkk. And it's not a baby deer (often the case, unfortunately -- they play too hard and fall off one of the ledges in the creek bed), but a full-size one. And it's not a pretty sight, let me tell you. We've called the outfit that's charged with removing dead animals from our city (no longer done by the government), but haven't gotten a response yet. Nothing like a little "circle of life" event to put a pall on your Sunday morning.

Oh, and the Loudon Wainright reference? As I recall, it was he who had a song, way back when (in the 1970s?), "Dead Dog in the Middle of the Road"... Somehow, that just came to me when we figured out we had a dead deer in the middle of the creek... I really think that if I ever do descend into age-related dementia, it won't be all that noticeable, given the way my mind works already...

UPDATE (8/26/08): LC, one of the sip-n-sew ladies, has thoughtfully corrected my reference to the song; the song was "Dead Skunk (in the Middle of the Road)", c. 1972, performed by Loudon Wainwright III. Hey, I knew it was about some darn dead animal. Oh, and this morning, the carcass of the deer finally got hauled away. The county has outsourced animal control activities to a local tallow company (yes, you heard right -- tallow). I called them last week, the driver came out, stared into the creek, but didn't find the remains. My husband finally did, and after a multitude of calls, the driver came out again yesterday, inspected the scene, and asked me if I had a garbage can so he could haul the remains up the creekside, through my property, up the driveway, and to his truck. Heck no, I did not have a garbage can for that job! So, this morning, he came back with his own damn garbage can, and accomplished the task. Phew! With any luck, tonight we can open all the windows on the creek-facing side of the house (the smell has kind of forbidden that for the past few days). And, that's a lucky thing, as the weather is supposed to be hideously hot (well, hot for us) the next few days -- probably close to 100 degrees in the heat of the day. Fortunately, our house is right next to the creek, and there's lots of trees, so the nights are nice. And we have lots of fans in the house, so it's quite pleasant by bedtime... However, after two or three days of intense heat, it's almost impossible for the house to get truly cool. I know -- whine, whine, whine... It's still a darn sight better than the cement jungles of New York City, where I grew up, and where it NEVER cooled off at night during the Summer...

The Dear Son has been camping out at our house the past few days, and just appeared -- awake before noontime! For sure, the planets are out of alignment! He's actually talking and in a good mood -- usually he just grunts until 1:00PM... Hmmm... He's betwixt and between on life right now; working on getting into the Navy, which will take a few months, as he has some personal affairs to clean up. I'm very torn about this -- on the one hand, both his father and I think it will be very good for him, in terms of imposing some order and discipline in his life, which he sorely needs, but on the other hand, I worry about him being sent into harm's way. He's still my first-born, and he'll always be my baby. Even at 6' and 24 years old... Isn't that just like a mother? But, he's committed to doing this, so I will support him.

I really need to go and finish sorting out the various boxes and papers littering the dining room and the living room, with all the office-related stuff in it... Really... But, I hate hate hate doing that. I'd rather vacuum the house than do anything approaching filing. (It was the same, years ago, when I was a secretary... not a stellar part of my work life...)

Actually, now that I think about it, I wish I were in Hawaii right now... I love to go there -- it's one of the few places in the world where I feel totally relaxed, and at peace... So, as a memento, here's a photo I took on one of our trips... Early one morning, when the sun was not burning down... Ahhhh...

Maybe I'll even get some sewing done today; that gets my creative juices flowing. I've got some new patterns that I'm anxious to try out, but need to do some pre-work. Measuring my body, comparing the measurements to the flat patterns, making alternations, consulting online references to see what others who have sewn the pattern(s) say about it... This can take hours and hours, and I just love it. I found my portable radio, set it up in the dining room, have all my sewing impedimentia strewn about, and all is good...

Sorry for the rambling, but there you go... I wish all of you a very good day, wherever you are.

Cheers!