What the heck???

Hey, what happened to me? I did not realize it's been so long since I posted. OK, I'll fess up... it's been Facebook's fault. Really. I totally blame Facebook. Not me, nope, not I. But, I just got back from a brief trip to Las Vegas, and I have lots of material for a post. Which I shall do shortly. I swear.

Gratitude

So, I was overwhelmed today, with an intense feeling of well-being and, I guess, gratitude. It hits me, every once in a while, just how lucky/blessed/fortunate I am. This year, I am looking back at where I was, physically and emotionally, last year, and it's so much better right now. Really.

Last year, my marriage was in a death spiral. I was separated from my spouse, who was behaving in a way that defied explanation and reason. My heart was broken, but my spirit was resolute. I was moving forward, not in a way that I had anticipated, but with wonderful support and enthusiasm from folks who love me. Without that, I don't know what I would have done.

I had taken a solitary road trip out to New Mexico, to spend some time alone, thinking about what had gone so terribly wrong in my relationship with my spouse. No great answers, but I really so did not like being alone, cold, and eating Thanksgiving dinner in a hotel dining room. (The dinner was actually quite good, and the staff were wonderful, but it was so awful...)

My children were stellar. I am so proud of both of them, for talking truth to me (and to their father), for supporting me in my search for wisdom and understanding, and for just being themselves. I cannot take much credit, I fear . . . they are the way the Ultimate Being decided they ought to be, and it's pretty darn good.

My daughter accompanied me to Paris, to spend Christmas there. Yeah, I know, tough duty. But, it was pretty sad. I mean, Paris is always great, and Christmas is usually pretty great, so you put the two together and how bad can it be, really? I could not have made it through last year without my daughter's support and company. And, I think she enjoyed seeing a bit of Paris! (How was that Angelina's hot chocolate, eh?)

I am thankful that, this year, the entire family -- me, my husband, and the children -- will be together for Christmas. Our daughter will be hosting us, at her place . . . Wow! When did she grow up? But, I'm looking forward to it.

My husband decided, after tearing our family apart, and forcing us all -- including himself -- to look deep inside, that he wanted to stay married to me. We decided that we really did not like being apart and, notwithstanding some significant temptations to his fidelity, and his fantasies, he chose to stay here. I'll admit that there are times when I wish all the bad stuff had not happened, and perhaps I think of what my life would be like now, had he not returned. (Well, I did buy a new bed, and I love it...) There were some other men who were . . . interested, and it might have been quite an experience to play that out. But, nah...

Last year, I was still pretty damn devastated about losing my job. I'm still -- occasionally -- bitter about it, but I'm listening to my buddies who talk, a lot, about moving on. Working at The Company was seductive and I think about it, a lot. Losing the job really forced me to deal with who I am, and what is my identity. I think I'm working it out. Slowly. I've discovered a great well of creativity, and I'm working out my urges by knitting, sewing, cooking, futzing and putzing, and working on my house.

This year, I'm OK. It is what it is. I miss my colleagues, I miss the challenges I faced, but I think there are other companies and other situations where I can use my considerable abilities.

Physically, I'm a bit heavier than I was last year, but last year I looked pretty bad. Thin, but bad. I think I look great for my age, I'm in technically great health (cholesterol, blood pressure, weight, all that good stuff), and I'm active. The spouse and I try and go out and hit the tennis ball every day (thank you, community sports center and the rental ball machine), and we try to walk around the neighborhood daily (although we've been sorely remiss on that part of it). I used to be so very fearful of just ossifying once I hit "retirement". Like my parents. But, nope -- we're traveling, we're in the middle of a dozen projects, we're involved with our hobbies and interests, and I don't think we're slipping into senility quite yet.

We're buying a new house (our retirement house?), which will be yet another challenging project. We've bought a 1970 Airstream trailer (no, I don't know why but it seemed like a good idea at the time). I learned to play decent tennis, and did a scuba diving session (yes, I really did sit on the bottom of the ocean). We've adopted two new kittens, who are keeping us young. (Yes, they really are.) We argue about things, but nothing major. When we're mad at each other, we don't go off and brood for weeks/months/years... It's painful, but we talk. Since I'm usually right, this is fine...

And, bottom line, we are so blessed. I send thanks out into the universe to the Ultimate Being (or whatever) ever moment. Truly. I have friends, and family, and my health, and food in the cupboard, and money in the bank. And piles of unread trash novels and magazines. Projects lined up, great weather where we live, and a car that works. I mean, truly. . . Do I need anything else? Nope, not really.

May you all find things in your life to be grateful for.

A Crotchety Moment...

Well, it's more accurately a crotchety day. Began by getting teary-eyed and frustrated at tennis class this morning. My hand/eye coordination is lacking, severely... Got so damn mad, I hurled my tennis raquet across the court! (Truth be told, it felt kinda good...) (A John McEnroe moment for me...) It didn't help that The Spouse started with his "hints" the minute we started our warm-up drills. If I were the tennis coach, I'd tell my beloved to shut up. Jeez, makes me so mad.

Then, lunch with a good buddy -- that made me feel very very good. Damn, but good friends are a godsend, aren't they?

Then, unfortunately, I cruised the Web and looked at a little TV, and got all whipped up, again, about the idiocy of our elected "leaders". It boggles my mind that, for some reason, there was even a question at all about bringing the health care reform legislation to the floor of the Senate for a debate! Isn't that what we sent those idiots there to do? And the posturing that's going on about consenting to the debate, like it's some big-butt deal... The pontificating just drives me WILD!

Lou Dobbs was on the "Daily Show" tonight. That guy is a jaboonie of the first order. Another talking head, proclaiming in a loud authoritative voice about what "the American people" want or don't want. LD is apparently 100% sure that "the American people" don't like "the Obama health bill"... John Stewart kindly pointed out that there isn't such a thing. Duh. The touch that appealed to me the most was the mariachi trio (?) in the background as Lou Dobbs walked on stage. (We're all aware of Mr. Dobbs' views on illegal immigration, yes?) Loved it, just loved it.

And what is with the endless hashing and re-hashing of the same three stories on every damn local news channel? Makes me nuts.

I also had just had it with the protests at UC regarding the tuition hike. Yes, hiking the fees just sucks, and it's awful, and there is a whole lot of "fat" in the system. All agreed. (And, did I mention recently the outrageous package they're paying the lady who heads up UC Davis? Go look it up and see what you think...) In fact, I went on a rant on FaceBook about it. Felt good to vent. It's really embarrassing, you know? That these "kids" (and I use the term loosely) acted out like this. GO TO SACRAMENTO, FOR GOODNESS' SAKES!!! Yes, the UC Regents need a smack upside the head, but this isn't the way to do it.

And, finally, the SEIU's endless protests. We're all hurting, and there's serious inequities in the way wealth is distributed, and it's right before the holidays and people are out of work, and it's all bad... But it's NOT "the government" -- kids, WE are the government, and if we don't get that through our collective thick skull, things are going to get very very VERY bad.

OK, I'm done for the moment. Just had to vent. (I am becoming an old pain in the butt, I realize that...)

Today's Political/Health Swirl

NOTE: For some reason, the link below doesn't seem to be working. Go to www.sfgate.com, and go to Dr. Gurley's blog. The link is for the item she wrote on 11/19/2009 (I believe), about the issue.

About the current hoo-hah over that advisory panel's recommendations on breast cancer screenings. One of the headlines in todays online press avers that the panel is taken aback by all the swirling & heated "discussions". So, on which asteroid did they find these people? A couple of days ago, on NPR, I heard two doct...ors: one was from (I think) the Am Cancer Society and the other was on the task force; you can tell that the latter had NO F'ING CLUE that there would be an issue. Not confidence-inspiring. Anyway, I'm pasting a link to a good analysis on the issue. Read it. Talk about this with your family and friends, AND YOUR DOCTOR. And it wouldn't hurt to natter at your Congressional representatives and senators, too (Federal level). The whole health care system in this country needs an overhaul, for a plethora of reasons. YOU are the government: get involved and let those yahoos in D.C. know what you think. Just sayin' . . .

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/gurley/detail?blogid=114&entry_id=51917

Politics... feh! (Yeah, and I'm talking to you, Carly F!!!)

I am getting pretty darn irritated with politics. Nothing new, of course, as I've felt this way for several years. But, lately, I find myself with a pounding head after watching TV, reading the newspaper, reading "Newsweek", or cruising the Web...

What's whipping me up? Let me count the ways...

The scary partisanship I see growing in this country. If you pay attention to what's happened/is happening in other countries (huge hoo-hahs over really trivial or superficial) (OK, trivial and superficial to me), one would think that it would be in all our best interests -- the entire country, is what I'm referring to -- NOT to descend into this bilateral division. Republic vs. Democrat -- to me, it's like Sunni v. Shia (don't jump all over me, please), or Catholic v. Protestant (thank you Northern Ireland), Tutsi v. Hutu, Sureno v. Norteno, whatever v. whatever... We have far more in common than we have different. Grrr...

The blatant twisting of the facts to fit your "side", usually delivered with a firm jaw, really good hair, false sincerity around the eyes, and a tad of OUTRAGE just for spice. Ridiculous. My profession and my training may help me to see things a tad more even-handedly, even as I can advocate for a particular side. The evil twin of this issue is "forgetting" certain past occurrences which perhaps had an impact or effect on a current situation... Like, the fact that the greatly beloved (and seriously idiotic) (IMHO) Ronald Regan's "birth" of massive deficits, which continue to plague us to this day.

The way certain fringe elements (yeah, OK, I am referring to the TEA Party nutcases) wrap themselves in the flag -- literally as well as figuratively -- and use words like "freedom" and "liberty", in an effort, perhaps, to infer that the "other side" is just not patriotic. This just whips me up beyond all belief.

The failure to make the connection between our rights as citizens and our obligations as citizens. And, the failure to recognize that the world has changed since our country was founded... It's a whole lot more complicated, many many MANY more people, and you just can't sit out in the forest with your gun and believe you can handle everything life might throw at you. And, add to that the fact (yes, sorry, it is a fact) that our world is far more integrated ("smaller", some might say) and globalization (I hate that word) is here and is influencing how we live. (This is normally where I start foaming at the mouth about the "No New Taxes!" crew... Who, exactly, do they think is going to pop out of the shrubbery and take care of the roads, the defense of our country, interstate commerce, many business, etc., etc.? The Infrastructure Bunny? Jeez...)

[Let me segue here to the castle/peasants/Vikings thing I have talked about for years... That is, when dealing with our friends in Europe, and to some extent in other parts of the world, we need to realize that they have a long and honorable heritage of depending on the central government (the local lord's castle, perhaps?) for succor and help in times of peril (e.g., the Vikings)... We never had that in the good old US of A... We just washed up on these shores, and promptly killed whoever was here first, and then turned around and headed for the horizon, where there was plenty of room to act out and pretend that we didn't need any darn government (i.e., king or whatever)...] [Of course, many of these nutcases out there don't seem to grasp that WE are the government in this country... Didn't they pay attention in social studies class?]

And, now, we have, here in California, two women -- Carly Fiorina and Meg Whitman -- running for public office. As a genuine 1970s feminist, I would love to be able to support them. But these two really should go find a couple of start-up companies in Silicon Valley to ruin . . . er, to run . . . and stay the hell out of politics. I mean, neither of them even voted on any kind of consistent basis... (Yes, I know, many people don't vote regularly, or at all -- don't EVEN get me started on THAT one...) Carly just said yes she apologized, but after all for years she didn't think her vote counted. Well, I can tell you for sure that a vote not cast does not count. Duh. And this woman rose through the ranks to become a CEO? Jeez... Of course, I've spent enough time in corporate America to know that competence and common sense (and any kind of integrity) are certainly not needed to rise through the ranks, if you get my drift.

And, Carly, you certainly do know about creating jobs . . . in Asia, where all the jobs went when you hacked away at HP here in the US! Your supremely disingenuous statement that it was necessary to cut expenses in hard times makes me gag. Your policies savaged the R&D and engineering ranks here in the Silicon Valley, because you knew you could take advantage of cheaper salaries in the developing Asian markets. Yes, you could, and you saved money, but at what cost? It was recognized corporate strategy, but was it right? Was there no other way? And, of course, all the time you were drawing down some ridiculously inflated salary. And your M&A activity? What was that about? Did you really honestly think it was necessary to create a sustainable business? Really? Or were you just playing the "measuring" game (and you know what I'm talking about).

And, finally, Carly, you sure do know something about taking care of people -- yep, that $21,000,000 walk-away package you got really showed how you took care of yourself. After firing/laying off/getting rid of/restructuring thousands of folks here, it takes one heck of a lot of chutzpah -- and no discernable morality that I can see -- to insist on, and accept, that package. I personally am having a hard time looking at you on TV and feeling anything except disgust.

And don't even play the breast cancer card. Just don't. You are too smart for that.

In fact, I think you'd be really really good at charity fund-raising. It's needed and it will serve society. Oh, and I really think it would be even better if you started educating yourself on current issues and -- yeah -- voting. In every damn election. It's free to vote, you know. And you can do it by mail, in case you don't want to mingle with the peasants. . . er, the unemployed . . . you know, us folks who got reorg'd out or whatever, and didn't get any damn $21Million bye-bye present. Just, please, don't blow smoke up our butt about how "macha" you are and how you're going to "make government smaller" (you do realize, don't you, that you cannot outsource government to Malaysia, like you did for many functions at HP, yes?), blah blah blah... You may be a government "outsider", but many of us have heard it all before. Sounded hollow then, sounds worse now.

Just sayin'

Cognitive Dissonance

Episode One: In the airport shuttle, going back to the South Bay after two weeks in England... What's with this warm weather and the bright sun? And why are we on the wrong side of the road? And why are all the cars so BIG?

Episode Two: In front of the market this afternoon. There are Halloween pumpkins and a huge display of pineapples. Somehow doesn't seem right to me.

Conclusion: Jet lag does funny things to my mind!

Saturday Night...

... and all is well (I think). Good dinner (thank goodness for pre-cooked, microwaveable pot roast), first Cal football game is on TV, the kittens are "helping" me with my latest sewing project (the first in months and months and months) (maybe the depression is lifting), it's not beastly hot, and I'm just kind of floating.

I did have milk and cookies (yes, really) at 5PM with The Spouse (our ritual), but pretty immediately followed up with a very lovely Cosmo. I figure the milk and the graham crackers coated my stomach. And a nice glass of Pinot Grigio with dinner. Yum. Maybe I'll get some energy and m-wave some dessert for the old man... What the heck...

Got a fair amount accomplished today, thanks be. Washed the bed linens (where the kittens have been nesting -- ergo my itchy eyes), went to the bank, the post office, the market, the hardware store, and the fabric store. Shredded stupid old papers that just made me sad (filled up a lawn and leaf trash bag with THAT crap), and that's a weight off my soul.

I am having good luck with the exercises my dentist gave me for my rather painful TMJ issues. Now, when I do it, pressing gently on my jaw, it tends to click back into its proper position. Amazing how that eases the pain! But, I have a feeling it'll be a long haul. The dentist said it's all probably due to "rolling tension"... ??? (As in, "If it's not one thing, it's another"???) Oh, well... If this doesn't work, there is Plan B... More exercises and maybe some Valium at night, to reduce the spasm in the muscle that's causing everything to move out of its proper position.

Well, I feel that I should be opining on the great issues of the day, but I'm too tired to get into it. There are some pretty good back-and-forth discussions on Facebook, though, which are fascinating. A good diversity of opinion, and a bunch of stuff I don't necessarily agree with. But, so far, pretty civil... Amazing!

And, speaking of civil (or not), what about that guy who got his finger (well, the tip of his finger) bitten off at a health care demonstration? What in the world was THAT all about??? Sounds like a nursery school run amok! Jeez...

Well, Boston (the black kitten) is now laying down square in the middle of my cutting board, and attempting to loll on the cut-out pieces for the shoe bags. Silky, slithery satin -- I can't blame her!

OK, it's probably a good time to take a break and go do some knitting and make the dessert. Bad idea to cut and/or sew when one is tired, and after one has consumed both a Cosmo and a glass of wine. :-)

Hope all of you are having a restful and thoughtful (and safe) Labor Day weekend. Remember, without the organized labor movement, and a confluence of other factors, this holiday (and, by the way, the two-day weekend itself) would not exist. (If it didn't, how would we know when to stop wearing white shoes?)

Cheers!