On the upside...

See photo, above. I may be in a funk about the amount of detritus strewn around my house, but AT LEAST I am not facing a plague of giant jellyfish. Apparently, they are infesting the Sea of Japan. IMHO, this is way too creepy for me. I went to the jellyfish exhibit at the Monterey Aquarium, and they were too cute -- the jellyfish, that is... (See my photos on my flickr page: http://www.flickr.com/photos/elinorina/...) But this is so definitely NOT a cute little jellyfish...

As you can see, I'm really trying to find the upside of everything. Really, I am. I swear.

However, sometimes, it's harder than usual. I had a very very very vivid dream last night, about my leaving The Company. I've had a number of these dreams; my therapist would probably say I'm still processing the whole trauma of leaving the best job ever. And, let it be noted, not by my own choice. Hey, I still have dreams about things that happened years and decades ago, so I'm not the type to "let go" easily or quickly (obviously). The Spouse says he doesn't understand how I don't remember things... he does, and it creeps me out, the amount of detail he pulls out of his head... But, au contraire -- I do remember things, truly... just not the same things that HE remembers. I remember things from kindergarten, early elementary school, various points in my youth, horrible things from my early adulthood (oh, the horror of my stupidity), and shining moments from random points in my life. I figure I just ditch those things I don't need to remember, and keep the rest.

Anyway, the photo of the giant jellyfish really got me going... I do not know why, it just did. I think because if I were fadoodling around in the surf, or if I were snorkeling, and came upon one of these monsters, I don't think I'd EVER go back in the water again! Really!

OK, that's all I want to say on that topic. It's still hot here, so I'm not ready to deal with dinner yet. Maybe it's time for a second Cosmo? Could be...

Saturday Morning

Ahhh, the luxury of sleeping in on a Saturday morning. Even though neither The Spouse nor I are "working" (at a "real" job) any more -- due to layoff, reorganization, whatever -- we decided that we still need to have some structure in our lives, so we set our alarm(s) to go off at 6:00AM and 6:10AM... Not that we actually get up until 7:00AM, but... Anyway, I made an executive decision NOT to set the alarm this morning. It was not a totally irresponsible decision, given that we were out late last night (got home about 11:15PM) (car club meeting) and then mucked about, watched the late TV news, read a bit, and didn't turn the light out until about midnight.

Well, we both sort of woke up about 6:00AM, but somehow (!) didn't finally really wake up and get out of bed until 9:00AM... Such sloth! Most excellent... When I opened the bedroom door, the kittens were patiently sitting there, waiting for The Humans to get with the program. They rushed in and promptly began playing! Boston (the all-black one) is fascinated with water, and tries, every morning, to get into the shower. I open the door and invite her in, but then she realizes what's going on, and decides against sharing the experience. She will, however, play with the running water in the sink... For some reason, she does not appear to worry about getting her paws wet. The other kitten, Philadelphia, is far more cautious, and simply decided to lay on the bedroom carpet in a patch of sun, and look cute as heck.

Both of us -- The Spouse and me -- woke up with headaches. Not from any indulgence last night, for sure, so we think it's maybe weather-triggered (changes in air pressure or other weather phenomena can trigger migranes). He took meds, I'm trying to hold out.

Frankly, I'm in a funk... For some reason, can't quite whip up the usual amount of enthusiasm. Perhaps it's the amount of household crap that needs to get done in the next couple of days, or something. It was easier, perhaps, when I was working at a "real" job -- because I knew I simply had to organize and get things done and there was no wiggle room! There is stuff piled up all over the house, and it's driving me NUTS! However, I am making progress: there are 12 cartons of fabric from my stash ready to go to the local junior college (for their fashion design program), there are tons of goodies set aside for a garage sale (not sure when I'll do that), just got rid of my big microwave (loaned to a friend who's getting her kitchen redone), the two upstairs bedrooms are due to get new carpet soon (yesss!!!) (after 19 years) (don't ask), and every week we get rid of tons of old crap. However, there are still tons left. My daughter is praying that nothing untoward happens to The Spouse and to me, because then she'd be left with one huge heck of a mess to clean up. (At least my lingerie drawers in the closet are neat!)

There's a photo here (above), taken when The Spouse, my daughter and I were in Oregon in June (for her graduation), and we went out to the coast, to Florence, Oregon... That's the feeling I'm searching for today. We shall see.

I wish all of you a FABULOUS weekend!

Weird, Weird, Weird

OK, now I know for sure (viz: Oprah) that I have been married to The Spouse for FAR TOO LONG. Let me tell you why: Last night, I had a dream that I was -- somehow -- talked into driving his Lotus Elise (the little yellow bombshell) in a race; I believe it was at Sears Point Raceway (or whatever corporate moniker is currently attached to that venue). For reasons not made totally clear in the dream, I had gone along with this INSANE idea -- I must have, because we were both at the track, and I had "parked" the car close to the grid, to be ready to form up when the signal was given.

Then, it got strange. (Yes, I know, but work with me on this...) I started arguing with The Spouse, telling him I didn't know anything about driving in a race, I had no idea how to tell I'd finished a lap, I didn't have racing shoes on (just my tennies, which are too clumsy to manipulate the pedals), I didn't know the course, and I couldn't possibly see out of the helmet! He just kept "there-there'ing" me, telling me it would all be fine, and not to worry.

At this point, I'm getting seriously worked up... The people who supervise the race are there, and not apparently worried that they can't see a good part of the track and that this newbie -- me -- is about to wreak havoc on the track. For some reason, there were a lot of women drivers for the race -- I was in the paddock, pitted next to a very nice lady, and her little girl was there (being held by her dad), and I started talking to the little one, before I realized that I was scared s**tless!

I had just about talked my spouse into taking my place, and was starting to strip off my racing suit, when I woke up. In a sweat. Jeez!

When I told him about this dream, The Spouse just smiled. Later on this morning, we watched a re-broadcast of today's F1 race, from Germany. He told me to watch what the drivers were doing, and to relax, because it's easy! Go straight, go fast, and don't smack into anyone else. OK, then, how hard could it be? Hahahaha... Look, I won't even drive the 1961 Jaguar sedan because I'm in a panic about what would happen if I smacked into anything (my hand-eye coordination isn't the best any more -- not that it was ever great)...

So, here's the current state of play: He's gotten me to try tennis (and I'm liking it pretty well); he got me to try scuba (on our last trip to Hawaii -- I did sit on the ocean bottom for a little bit -- okay it was only about 25 feet deep but it was real and I had the full scuba kit on); he's gotten me to cut way down on the amount of salt I use on my food (grudgingly); he's gotten me to sleep commando (I know, TMI); and he's gotten me to do all kinds of things I swore I'd never do (but all totally PG-rated)... Why do I think car racing wouldn't be included in that list, at some point?

Well, all I'm saying is, stay tuned...

Forgot to add these

Armfuls of cats... How fun is this!

Humor Me...

Yeah, I know, people posting photos of their pets can get annoying. Humor me on this, though. I've posted so many entries about all my misery and sadness, and bad moods, and all that, so now I have these two new kittens and they make me laugh. Like human babies, and babies of other species, these kittens are just THERE... they're either going at a million miles an hour, or sound asleep, out cold. If they're mad, they hiss; if they are happy (or what we believe is happy for a kitten), they purr; when they're hungry, they meow (really loudly, given their size). How cool is that? No prevarication here... I'm not wild about the scratches I have all over me, as they try to climb up my body, but what the heck. And they've knocked over everything that can be knocked over, but nothing has broken... yet...

Yesterday, Boston (the black one) discovered the broom, as I was sweeping the floor. She apparently thinks it's just a huge new toy, meant to amuse her and present her with "prey" (huge dust bunnies). She's the more aggressive one of the two -- chases Philly (aka Fearless aka Philadelphia) (I hate that name) -- and the more curious of the two. I have a feeling, however, that the other one isn't far behind. I think there's probably a couple/few weeks age difference between them, and at this age, that has a huge impact.

As I mentioned on my Facebook post earlier today, we don't have (human) grandchildren (yet) (please god), so we're doting on the kittens. How predictable is that! I don't want to turn into one of those weird old women who think their cats (or dogs) are their children, so please don't expect constant posts on the furry ones.

But, today, I just couldn't help myself. I blame the headache (now in its second consecutive day)...

Have a great day!

Happy...

I just realized, sitting here, fadoodling around on the 'Net, that I'm actually pretty happy. This may not seem like much, but when one considers where I've been, emotionally and psychologically, for the past couple of years, that is saying a lot. By "happy", I don't mean hey whoo-hoo jumping up and down, but rather, I think, content. The absence of angst. The absence of drama. The absence of crisis.

My therapist is great. I've been seeing her since The Misery started, and one of the skills she told me to work on, a long time ago, was "changing the tape" or "changing the channel" when the negative thoughts start, and the visions of you-know-who with Saigon Barbie start. It was so very hard, at first, to tear my brain and my heart away from the dark side, but eventually it got easier. These days, the negative thoughts only pop up occasionally. When they do, there is the temptation to indulge in them -- kind of like emotional or mental masturbation, I guess -- but I also realize that it's just not good for me. The past is the past, and there's not a damn thing I can do to change it. The present is all I have. And, as far as I know, The Spouse has left his obsession with that slut behind. I hope. I still don't understand the whole thing, but I suppose I'll never understand it.

Whatever.

Today, I'm good. I look good, I feel good. My hair is good, my face is good. I play tennis a lot, and I'm not terrible. (Not great, but not terrible.) I have good health (other than the osteoarthritis which is getting more intense each day), as far as I know. I have food in the cupboard, I have lovely clothes in the closet. I have two great kids, and one of them is a daughter who's the light of my life. She's a lovely young woman, and I'm so proud of her. She'll do fine in life. I have money in the bank, even if I don't have a job (thanks be for unemployment insurance). I have a roof over my head, and enough money in savings to pay off the mortgage if that's what I think I need to do. Again, thanks be. I have great friends, which is a true blessing. I live in a great place (even if the state of California is more f'd up than any state deserves to be) (and the USA is not too bad). I have a TV, a couple of radios, and lots of books and magazines to read. I have craft projects to futz around with, and cute shoes.

So, hey, why ought I not be happy? Really...

That's what occurred to me today.

Hope all of you are doing well!

Well, it seemed like a good idea...

So, as you all know, we adopted Boston (the all-black kitten) a couple of weeks ago. Our older cat is still in a huff, but the level of hissing and general crankiness has diminished a bit. However, Boston seems lonely. Well, not really, but we thought she might like some same-age companionship. (And, frankly, our older cat is getting odder by the day, so she may yet segue into being an outdoor cat if she doesn't stop peeing and puking all over our house...) (Love her dearly, but...)

Anyway, we made another trip to the Humane Society today, and found Philly... or Feli... or whatever her name is going to be... Her adoption papers called her "Fearless" -- as in, that was the name that was given to her. She was the one kitten at the adoption center who didn't totally freak out when we held her. Unlike Boston, who immediately cuddled and purred and did everything in her power to entice us to take her home, "Fearless" just gave us The Look... She didn't struggle to escape our arms, but she wasn't too keen on us, either. Well, anyway, she's home with us now! She's spent most of the day hiding out, but we've retrieved her from under the sofa a couple of times.

As I'm typing this, there's a bit of hissing going on between the two little ones. Boston came up to whats-her-name, nose to nose, investigating the cute little number who showed up today. However, Fearless did a very female thing and hissed. Great. Another princess...

She's a cutie, but truth be told, I still miss Baby Kitty #1 deeply. Sigh...