Just Plain Tired...

I feel like that Madeline Kahn character, in "Blazing Saddles" (the takeoff on Marlene Dietrich), who sings, "I'm Tired"... Only, if I were singing it, I'd mean it... I am exhausted... This past year is catching up with me... Turning 60 was sobering, leaving my job was traumatic, and finding out what my husband was up to was shattering. I am not used to being anything other than wildly successful and competent, and for two of the major areas of my life to fall apart was not something I could ignore. (Even I, queen of denial...)

Things have come to a head recently (regarding the marriage) (the job thing is so yesterday's news), and the way forward is pretty much decided. Only not totally. As you know, if you've been reading my posts, I'm going on a road trip, to put some physical distance between my spouse and me. The idea is to give us both the physical and emotional space to think clearly about where we go from here, either together or separately. Frankly, at this point, I'm numb. When I'm not numb, I'm exhausted. When I'm neither numb nor exhausted, I'm pretty damn pissed off. (Thereby covering the gamut of emotions...) There's a part of me that just wants to throw in the towel and say, "Fine, go marry that ***, and see if I care." And, I think that part is growing. I mean, how much effort does one put into a potentially doomed project before you wake up and sense that this is a no-return situation... (As in, no return on investment...)

One more week, and then I hop in the car, and take off. It's going to be a long, long week. I hope I can hold it together. May be tough...

Anyway, I hope all of you are not in the slough of despond, and are looking forward to a very good weekend!