It was one year ago, today, that I found out about events that had occurred, that blew my world (my personal world, my marriage, my assumptions about my marriage) apart. I've been dreading this anniversary. I woke up this morning at about 5:00AM, with a pounding, hideous migrane. All day, my stomach has been roiling, and my soul has been heavy. The spouse knows how I feel, but that doesn't make it any easier. We're both very tense about the upcoming separation, and how we'll both deal, being apart from each other.
This has been, pretty much, a very bad year. But, on the up side, I've learned a lot about myself, about my spouse, and about my children. I've had some really fun times, and some really really REALLY bad times. I'm sure that, at some point in the future, it will all become clear to me why I had to go through this. Or not.
I have not yet started packing for my road trip, but I did finish my second dress. (All that's left to do is the hem, which I can do tomorrow.) It's overwhelming, when I start thinking about all the stuff I need to haul in the car, but I'm sure I'll do just fine. I haven't traveled on my own before, and this is very nerve-wracking. But, I believe, necessary.
I wish I could focus, and write more, but I can't. It's taking everything I have just to maintain my demeanor, and not burst into tears. Well, to be honest, I don't think I have the energy for tears right now. I'm just numb.
I'll do my best to post as I make my way through New Mexico and other points on the trip. It ought to be interesting.
Peace out.
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