Monday Musings

[OK, it's Tuesday and not Monday... Well, I do get distracted!]

Well, first the news regarding Baby Kitty #2; she now has a name: "Boston"... My husband named her, after the old TV detective show, "Boston Blackie". Whatever. It's better than Kia, the name on her adoption papers. (She really looks like a bat, but I could not figure out how to work that into her name...) She's a hoot, totally a kitten, into everything and driving us nuts! This morning, she did the total "attack kitty" routine with our older cat, Special Needs Kitty... The little one slowly crept into the bedroom, where the older cat was lolling on the floor, on her back... The older one saw baby kitty, did some ritualistic hissing, and then ignored her. Baby kitty skittered under our bed, and all was peaceful for a few seconds. And then, pounce! The baby kitty leaped upon the older cat's tail and attacked it heartily. All heck broke loose! The Spouse and I were laughing so hard we could not stand it!

Secondly, we went to the Palo Alto Concours d'Elegance yesterday (Sunday). The Spouse had entered one of his cars (our 1961 Jaguar Mark II sedan) in the show. It would have been a lot more fun had it not been for the fact that it was 90 degrees plus! There's been a horrible heat wave (well, horrible for us) here for the past couple of days, and it was brutal out on the field. Thank goodness we were on grass, at least! The folks on either side of us had the foresight to bring pop-up pavilions with them, and we "borrowed" some of their shade. I also had the foresight to bring a big golf umbrella with us, which did help a bit with shielding us from the sun. But it wasn't really the sun, it was the heat... We survived... Reminded me of why I don't live on the East Coast any more! Today it's still pretty hot, but not quite. We close up the house in the morning, keep the fans on, and at night it's fine -- we open up the windows and doors, and we sleep nicely. One thing which never happened in NYC while I was growing up was cool nights -- the cement and the asphalt held the heat and it was miserable. Unless there was a rainstorm/thunderstorm, in which case it did cool down a bit. Our house here in Northern California backs up onto a creek (which really isn't much of a creek -- only a trickle in the bottom of the gully unless it's been raining) and lots of trees, so we're lucky that there's lots of green and moisture which helps at night. One of the uncertainties about my/our future is where we'll live -- we love it here, and we're not sure where we'd find another place that's so congenial.

Third, our daughter arrived back home this afternoon (Monday), from Oregon, for a week's stay. (That's as long as she can tolerate us, she says.) She graduated from the University of Oregon earlier this month, and is winding down her job, and will be moving to Portland, Oregon at the end of July. It's a wonderful thing to have her back in the house -- she's quite a presence, and we miss her terribly. But I'm also so very proud of her, for becoming such a lovely young woman, and thrilled that she's striking out on her own. I guess I can't turn back the clock and make her three years old again, can I... We are planning a few activities, including re-painting her room (to get rid of the graffiti inflicted on it by her brother and his friends in an as-yet-unexplained episode of drunken idiocy), and perhaps going out to the beach.

Other than that, just cruising along. My long-time BFF, who lives in Massachusetts, has told me I've turned into a true suburban princess... Perhaps! But, it is time to go get ready for tennis!

So Sad...

Farrah, and Michael. Two fabulous stars, one going with dignity, one just slipping off after decades of weirdness. But, still, sad on both counts. And, the "Let's Go To Argentina" governor -- the less said about that one, the better, as far as I'm concerned... it just hits too close to home for me, and I'm still pretty damn sore about what's gone down in my own life over the past two years. And, perhaps, is still going down. What is with these guys who feel compelled to write wonderful, lyrical, romantic emails to their . . . other women (I was going to call them "whores" but that's too broad) . . . but yet not show (probably) the same tenderness to their spouses? Really...

But, let me not get off topic. As I'm now in my 60s, I think a lot about the next step in my journey (i.e., dying/death). I'm not particularly afraid of it, as it comes to all of us. I am afraid, I guess, of meeting death in a painful, awful, ugly way... like getting shot on the sidewalk by some sub-human who's just out to rob someone... that would be sucky. More for their bad karma (and my last fear) than anything. And, since I fly a lot, I do worry about going down in a plane; I hope if that's in the cards for me, that it's quick in any event. I brood about this. Farrah had time, we hope, to prepare. Michael, perhaps, did not. Farrah is just about my age, Michael was only 50... Fifty years old seems so very young, from where I sit these days!

I've been thinking about my life, so far, and how I feel about it all. I've really f'd up, big time, more than once (actually, numerous times), I've done lots of good things, but I haven't done as much as I should have, and I've caused a lot of pain to people who didn't (really) deserve it. I've been thoughtless, and thoughtful; I've been stingy, and generous; I've been callous, and compassionate. I think I've been repaid adequately for the pain I've inflicted -- but that's not my tally sheet to keep. I've done my best to be a good human being, and have fallen short many many times. Isn't that the essence of being human?

I've tried to be a good spouse to my husband, in the face of his failings and infidelities and dishonesty. I at least can look myself in the mirror each morning and each night, and feel good about what I've done. What he does, in his twisted mind and on his own time (thinking I don't know about it), is his issue, not mine.

I've come to realize that I can't "own" others' behavior -- e.g., my husband's, my son's... I need to work harder about not taking, on myself, their actions -- they need to own that crap. It's particularly hard when people bitch to me about my son's behavior... you KNOW people judge you by what your children do (or don't do). That's hard to take. I need to stay focused. As for my spouse's behavior, well, he did blame me for setting the stage for it, but it's still his decision to do what he did, and to continue to do what he's doing. I've done what I can do. I probably fall short daily, but not for want of trying.

So, I hope that when Farrah and Michael get to wherever it is that we go after we "pass", they can answer whatever questions are posed to them, and that they won't be judged (or judge themselves) too harshly. To fall short is part of the human condition. But, we have free will to try and do better. It's that free will that I personally try to tap into, daily. Some days, I think I've done OK; some days, not so much. Luckily, I've been waking up to a new day each day, with a new chance to do better. Phew!

Wow, did I go deep and dark here... I think I need another Cosmo!

Cheers!

Welcome Baby "X"

As you will recall, our Baby Kitty (also known as Baby Kitty #1) (I've added a photo of her to the post below, "Just a Cat?") met an untimely end in May. We were devastated. However, life goes on, and we decided we needed a kitten in the house, to pep up Special Needs Kitty (who's 10 years old) (and who was the star of a previous post), and to perk us up. So, we've been looking. We looked on craigslist, we went to adoption fairs at the local pet store, we went to the humane society. After much searching, on Sunday, we went to the local adoption satellite location for the humane society. We figured it is now "kitten season" (I had no idea such a thing existed) so there was a good chance that there would be a good selection available.

We walked into the "cat room", and there was a cage (a large one) with one little, VERY noisy, black kitten. It was hanging on the side of the cage (kind of like Spidey), crying piteously. There was another kitten, in another cage, which intrigued me more, but that one wasn't too engaged. When the black one was let out, and I picked her up, she nuzzled me, cuddled me, and started purring, LOUDLY... (We were told that she had just lost her littermates, so she was a bit "needy"...) I had never even considered adopting a black kitten, and no I don't know why. But I never had. I don't have anything against black cats or black kittens, but it just wasn't something that occurred to me. But, there I was, with the cutest, blackest, noisiest kitten in my lap. My husband also held the kitten, and we both agreed that this was a suitable feline for our family.

So, fast forward about half an hour, and we're walking out of the store, with little "Kia" (the name on her adoption papers) in the cat carrier, howling at the top of her lungs. She's about as big as a minute, but the NOISE is incredible! My husband went to get the car, carrying the cat, and I swear I heard her across this huge parking lot!

We got her home, put the carrier on the floor, and let her out. She was freaked out! Luckily, we have (another ) huge pile of cartons/boxes on the floor in the living room, providing a wonderful "cat condo" for her to hide in/around/behind. She cried and cried and cried, so we ended up holding her for a couple of hours... The older cat came upstairs, saw this little interloper, and booked out of the house faster than I've seen her move in weeks! In other words, totally normal.

We've made it through two nights, with minimal crying. Baby Kitty #2 has learned to leap up/climb up onto the sofa, the cocktail table, the bed, and anything else she can get on. She found the catnip-filled "mousie" that I had bought for Baby Kitty #1, and is hunting it successfully. She flings it around, plays with it, and comes over and drops it at my feet. I then throw it across the the room, and we do this for hours. Until kitten collapses. She tries to crawl into our cereal bowls, bites our shoelaces, walks across our laptops' keyboards, and falls asleep on our laps.

We still don't have a name for her. Nothing has really occurred to us... yet... Frankly, she has the cutest little face, just like a bat. I can't call her "Dracula", probably; however, what about "Bram"? (as in Bram Stoker) My spouse thinks "Boston" is a good name. Don't ask. This is really his kitten, and I think she's identified him as "her" human. Fine with me. I'm not feeling the instant chemistry that I felt with Baby Kitty #1 -- I don't know that I'll ever feel that again... But, she's cute and she's a kitten who wants, needs and deserves a loving home, and we'll provide that.

Ya gotta love it.

Cold Reception...

As many of you know, this past (long) weekend, The Spouse and I were up in Eugene, Oregon, for our daughter's graduation from the University of Oregon. (Some folks refer to it as UC Eugene, but I would never do that...) We were only gone five days, but we had also been gone/out of town a couple of weeks ago, too, and a bit before that... Our cat was NOT amused. My faithful friend, Margaret, was kind enough to come by every day while we were gone, to check on the house and ensure that the cat had food, water, clean litter box and some transitory companionship. But, her human(s) weren't there, and that apparently flipped her out.

When we got back, the cat was very very very clingy, and stuck pretty darn close to us. However, she wasn't about to let us scoot by without letting us know that she is very very very mad at us. See the photo. Ya gotta love cats...

No, I Have Not Been Abducted by Space Aliens

Really, I haven't. I will admit that I haven't been as diligent as I might have been regarding updating this blog, but that seems to be the norm in the blogosphere (or is it the blogsphere?)... Many folks start blogs, thinking they'll be the next supernova in the literary universe, and then, pffft! gone! Well, I'm sort of there, I guess. One of the very valuable bits of advice I got when I started this blog was: write something every day, regardless (even if it's drivel, I guess). Well, I didn't, and I don't. Shame on me.

But, I write many things in my head (!) and have a number of draft postings in various states of progress. So, I guess my heart is pure... Well, as pure as it ever gets! Frankly, I have to say that, since I'm no longer working at The Company (or anywhere else, for that matter), I tend to . . . drift . . . a bit, and that drifting can go on for weeks! I'm not sure what it is I do all day, but I know I'm busy, fiddling and fadoodling around...

However, I really have no more excuses. My daughter has now graduated from college (yea!!!), this past weekend; the situation with The Spouse and I has sort of settled down (fingers crossed); the kitchen remodel is complete and my kitchen is pretty much put back together, and all is well... OK, the sewing stuff is still in huge piles all around the house, but I fear that'll be the situation for months, if not years, so that doesn't count. And the bedroom really does look like a percussion grenade has gone off in there... gotta clean it up ... But, bottom line, it's time to whip myself back into shape and get on with it!

I have three posts that should be up in the next week or so. They are on issues of import to me. I've been posting to my FaceBook page, and I'm twittering (tweeting?) but I'm not sure about that one. (Twitter did reconnect me with one person who was very very important in my life years ago, which is a wonderful thing, so it gets 10 points from me for that...) Perhaps if I had a multitude of "real" (work) projects to work on, I'd post more, since I'd be procrastinating on those projects... Ya think?

This evening, I attended an "alumni" function, sponsored by the law firm I last worked at, before I went in-house. It was good to reconnect with a bunch of folks -- in a way, felt like I never left! And it's been about 20 years... I don't know that I could ever work in a law firm again, frankly, but it was a great way to learn the business and hone my skills. There are lots of really good folks at the firm, and I wish them all well.

OK, that's it for the moment... More to come, I swear!