One Year Later... Holy Patoley!!!

It occurred to me yesterday that it was (yesterday) one year since my last day at The Company. Wow, this year has FLOWN by! Both The Spouse and I agreed it's gone by very very quickly. This morning, I'm sitting here, cruising the 'Net, sipping my tea, getting ready to go hit the tennis ball, laughing at the kittens' antics, and thinking . . . hey, it's OK. I'm still pissed (a bit), but it's OK.

More on this theme later. Maybe.

Have a great day!

Random Thursday Musings

Sorry, this is going to be a long post. I am "in the zone" today, feeling good, and just want to share/ramble...

Apparently, I have a "thing" about jellyfish... They just fascinate me! There was a story on NPR this morning to the effect that it is now believed that jellyfish churn up the water when they rise from the depths to feed at night; that is, they bring cold water up with them, and bring warm water with lots of carbon dioxide (?) back down with them when they descend. What is being discussed in certain circles is whether this phenomenon has any impact on global warming and/or whether it ought to be factored into computer models of climate change issues. Anyway, the photo in this post was on the NPR website this morning. I really really REALLY like images of jellyfish. (There's a whole load of those images on my flickr.com account -- taken when I visited the Monterey Bay Aquarium, and they had the jellyfish exhibit going on.) I think they are mysterious, lovely, enigmatic, graceful, and all things lovely. I just never want to get stung by one!

The Mayan calendar, December 21, 2012 and the end of the world, or whatever. Have you heard about this one? Apparently folks who study this sort of thing (i.e., the Mayan calendar) say that the last day of the calendar is 12/21/12 (lots of 1's and 2's) (hmmm). It's unclear whether this means the world will end on that day, or what the heck will happen. I blame NPR, again, for bringing this up. Those who know say this date (12/21/12) coincides with a projected sun spot/sun flare big to-do. That solar activity could (note: "could") cause extreme upsets in the Earth's communication systems, resulting in all heck breaking loose. Others who worry about this sort of thing say, nope, this is the end of it all. However, the better theory is that extreme hoo-hah will happen (no Apocalypse), resulting in (best case) a spiritual re-birth for humanity. At one point in the story, there was a reference to that date being the end of the Age of Pisces and the beginning of . . . the Age of Aquarius! New spirituality, etc., etc. There are folks who are already forming groups with the aim of being ready, spiritually, when the AofA starts. I will put the date in my iPhone calendar, with adequate pre-reminders. We shall see. (Ought I start stockpiling anything now? Canned goods? Knitting supplies? Batteries?)

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I'm in touch with my best friend from elementary and junior high school. We sort of lost touch in high school (she went to a different all-city school than I did), and didn't see each other again for years and years; we ran into each other when I was living in Berkeley, going to law school. She was there, with her husband and baby (who just got married) (now, not back then); I think her husband was doing something with the Lab or the University or something. Anyway, we saw each other then, and somehow once again drifted apart. Long story short, we're now in touch semi-regularly (not as often as she or I would like). She lives in Texas (!), and I have no idea when we'll actually lay eyes on each other again. As noted, her elder daughter got married about a month ago; she was kind enough to forward lots of photos, I wrote a nice note, and said (among other things) that we are lucky to have fallen back into a very easy communication, just like we were back in fifth grade, whining about our very nasty teacher. Well, last night, SKM (that's her) (my friend, not the teacher) wrote me an email, reminding me that, back in fifth grade, we really really disliked the teacher, and we made a voodoo doll of her, complete with pretty heavy spell. (We were very creative little kids.) Lo and behold, the teacher had a heart attack and was out for most of the year. My friend apparently felt very guilty about that; me, not so much (or at least I don't recall feeling very guilty). I had totally forgotten about the voodoo doll episode. Good lord... My friend is a teacher now, and I'm sure that, regardless of what she thinks, she ought not be worried that her students would do a voodoo doll of HER!!!

SKM also has stayed in touch, or gotten back in touch, with another one of our buddies from way back when. CH lives in Brooklyn now, and we finally hooked up via email. I am so lucky to be able to contact old friends. Really. I'm in pretty much daily email contact with my BFF from high school. She's one of those people who knows me so well, sometimes better than I know myself. I adore her to bits, and wish we lived closer. (She's in Massachusetts, I'm in California...) And, by the way, thank goodness for Facebook. Really. I'm now in touch with folks from high school, folks from my past lives, and all kinds of new friends. It's great. I love it. I am so very lucky... We can "chat" with each other without the need to be in the same time zone, or even on line at the same time. I adore seeing everyone's comments and postings. Makes me feel like we live on the same block, just like in the old days!

The flu... So, the H1N1 virus is still lurking out there. In today's SFGate, there was an article/blog posting by their on-staff medical person, talking about the coming flu season. Her analysis of the H1N1 virus scared the bejeezus out of me, I can tell you. This bug (if she's right) is a nasty little thing, and different enough from the "regular" flu virus that it's going to give people fits if and when it starts spreading during the upcoming flu season. However, since I'm on the older side of the time line, I apparently am in a better place, risk-wise, than a younger person. That is, really, so unfair. I was all ready to go and get my will re-done quickly, but perhaps I better be nagging my daughter about taking care of herself! I urge all of you to go find out about this little phenomenon, and take precautions. WASH YOUR HANDS! It drives me nuts when I see people not washing enough. My spouse is guilty of this. He'll wash when he's been futzing around with mucky stuff on his cars, but not nearly enough during indoor activities. But that's a lost cause (i.e., me nagging him)...

Music in the kitchen is a great thing. For years, I've been brooding because I don't have a stereo hook-up in the kitchen. I have an iPod (of course) (doesn't EVERYONE???), and there's all kinds of wonderful radios and other electronic thingies that are designed to dock an iPod in, so you can listen to your music. However, for reasons that are unclear to me, I never got my act in gear and bought one. (No, I don't know why.) A couple of years ago, I did buy my husband a clock radio/alarm/iPod dock thing, but it never worked very well for him, and he ended up not using it. I thought we had thrown it away, but recently found it in The Great Heap. I put it in my (lovely new) kitchen, charged up the iPod, and it works just fine! Earlier today, I was dancing around the kitchen, my music blaring away, and it was lovely! The spouse, of course, does not appreciate my fine taste in popular music (!), so I have to turn it off when he's around -- he turns on the TV and that's that. (Our family room and the kitchen are really one big space, and I enjoy spending time with him, and he enjoys watching TV, so there you go...) Anyway, I'm thrilled to have both my music (on my iPod) and a working radio in the kitchen. I am an NPR addict -- I'll fess up to that -- and sometimes watching endless loops of cooking shows and tart-up-my-house shows on TV gets a tad old.

I am so proud of some of the Republican senators... Particularly Lamar Alexander and Lindsey Graham, for their statements in support of confirming Judge Sotomayor for the US Supreme Court. Both those senators disagree with Judge Sotomayor's positions on certain issues (at least their perceived views of her positions), but say she's qualified in terms of education, ability, experience, whatever, and that's that. Yes... Finally, some grown-ups in Congress. Amazing.

And, speaking of grown-ups, I love the idea of the "beer summit" that the Prez is holding with that feisty Harvard professor who got arrested a couple of weeks ago, and the cop who arrested him. (You all have heard about that story, yes?) (If not, please just shut down your computer and go watch "American Idol" -- there's nothing I can do for you.) Anyway, yes, who knows what really happened and who was acting like an idiot. Probably both of them. And, getting together to drink a beer is just such a guy thing. (But do we really think Obama drinks Bud Lite? Really? I'm thinking he's totally a Stella Artois guy...) Anyway, yes, as someone from the Anti-Defamation League (I think) said, we all need to talk to each other. A lot. We all have prejudices and expectations and influences that affect how we interact with each other. I have been thinking about this a lot, particularly during the Sotomayor confirmation hearing kabuki set piece. OF COURSE we all act in accord with our conscious and unconscious positions, thoughts, ideas, and prejudices. Duh... It's OK, it's fine. But we need to be mindful of them, and be sure to honor them (or not) and acknowledge that they're there... And, maybe, sometimes, tell them to go sit on the sofa and shut up. Maybe we should all have a "beer summit" with someone we're not totally comfortable with. What a thought.

This whole hoo-hah reminded me of a block party (in my neighborhood) I attended some years ago. (If I've already told this story, work with me.) As many of you know, the city/town in which I live, here in Silicon Valley, is about 2/3 Asian these days. Chinese, mostly, but lots of Indian families, a smattering of Russians, some Israelis, some Japanese, and goodness knows what else. And some of us run-of-the-mill white folks. Anyway, at this block party, there was a good ethnic mix. I ended up, at one point, sitting next to a gentleman of Chinese ethnic heritage. I cannot, now, remember if he was an ABC (American-born Chinese) or born overseas (either in Hong Kong, Taiwan or on the mainland). We did the who are you dance, realized that we both had kids in the local high school (predominantly Asian), and started talking about the school. Long story short, we were both not too happy with the amount of pressure the kids were put under, the amount of homework, etc., etc. I think I said something about well, it's well known that Chinese parents put so much pressure on their kids. He seemed surprised, and then said, "Well, we always thought it was the white parents who wanted all this!" Nothing like talking to each other... We all should do a lot more of it... And that includes spouses, life partners, dating couples, friends, parents and children, whatever. Just my five cents.

OK, I think I've run out of steam. Thank goodness for my blog. I'd keep a diary, and I've tried it, but it seems so . . . blah . . . Perhaps the thought that others might -- MIGHT -- read what I have to say drives me to organize my thoughts, and actually write stuff. Who knows.

It's a beautiful day here in SiliValley today, I'm in a good place (i.e., on the positive side of the equilibrium/disequilibrium helix), and the kittens are napping somewhere (probably on my pillow). Life is good. I may have one of those cupcakes I stashed in the fridge last night.

Have a good one, everybody!

Catching Up...

So, everything is in an uproar and OK, all at the same time. The kittens are fine (a bit traumatized, however, after a trip to the Humane Society for their follow-up vaccinations), The Spouse is fine (working on his projects, including his cars), everything in the kitchen is fine and working as it should (thanks be) (OK, there's a little chip in the edge of the sink -- blast!!!), the weather is gorgeous (absolutely no caveats here), we fixed the color issue on the TV which popped up when we moved it back into the family room (a loose cable on the magic box) (easily fixed), the laundry is done (for the moment), and the new carpet got installed this morning.

However, work still needs to be done in the two rooms that got the new carpeting ... A bit of touch-up painting in the guest room (formerly The Graffiti Room), flooring installed in the bottom of the closets in both rooms, shelving replaced in the closet of the guest room, new bed needs to be purchased for the guest room (and also new bed linens -- that will be fun!), furniture needs to be painted for the guest room (I hope the primer will cover the graffiti on the bedside table and the bureau) (grrrrr), curtains for the guest room window (until the new window goes in, and then new plantation shutters), replace the sliding closet doors in the guest room (they got pulled out for painting and other improvements)... I'm exhausted just writing it down!

Of course, part of the carpet installation was cleaning out the two rooms; the photo on this post is my living room, which now looks like a warehouse. I don't even want to go in there and see it... It's going to be a pain in the butt sorting everything out again. I sense a huge garage sale coming!

Then, we get to go play in the kitchen at the Berkeley house... It's coming along, but there is still a lot of mudding and taping and sanding and re-mudding to be done. Then, and only then, we can start thinking about installing the new cabinets. And we still need to deal with the two windows over the sink... It never ends... And that's only the beginning of what needs to still be done...

And, I gave up drinking my nightly Cosmo's, because I think there were far too many calories and/or carbs in that lovely little beverage. I still have a glass of white wine with dinner, but that's it. (I refuse to give up my Friday night Cosmo, though... really, there are limits!)

I know, compared with the wars simmering and/or burning in many areas, floods, earthquakes, plagues, drought, heat, disease, poverty and general misery, this is just pure drivel. I know that, I do... But I just cannot contemplate all that right now. I'm deep in denial, and just sort of drifting. I don't know why. I just am.

So, enough of my petty crap. I need to go do something meaningful. Like going to the grocery store. Really.

On the upside...

See photo, above. I may be in a funk about the amount of detritus strewn around my house, but AT LEAST I am not facing a plague of giant jellyfish. Apparently, they are infesting the Sea of Japan. IMHO, this is way too creepy for me. I went to the jellyfish exhibit at the Monterey Aquarium, and they were too cute -- the jellyfish, that is... (See my photos on my flickr page: http://www.flickr.com/photos/elinorina/...) But this is so definitely NOT a cute little jellyfish...

As you can see, I'm really trying to find the upside of everything. Really, I am. I swear.

However, sometimes, it's harder than usual. I had a very very very vivid dream last night, about my leaving The Company. I've had a number of these dreams; my therapist would probably say I'm still processing the whole trauma of leaving the best job ever. And, let it be noted, not by my own choice. Hey, I still have dreams about things that happened years and decades ago, so I'm not the type to "let go" easily or quickly (obviously). The Spouse says he doesn't understand how I don't remember things... he does, and it creeps me out, the amount of detail he pulls out of his head... But, au contraire -- I do remember things, truly... just not the same things that HE remembers. I remember things from kindergarten, early elementary school, various points in my youth, horrible things from my early adulthood (oh, the horror of my stupidity), and shining moments from random points in my life. I figure I just ditch those things I don't need to remember, and keep the rest.

Anyway, the photo of the giant jellyfish really got me going... I do not know why, it just did. I think because if I were fadoodling around in the surf, or if I were snorkeling, and came upon one of these monsters, I don't think I'd EVER go back in the water again! Really!

OK, that's all I want to say on that topic. It's still hot here, so I'm not ready to deal with dinner yet. Maybe it's time for a second Cosmo? Could be...

Saturday Morning

Ahhh, the luxury of sleeping in on a Saturday morning. Even though neither The Spouse nor I are "working" (at a "real" job) any more -- due to layoff, reorganization, whatever -- we decided that we still need to have some structure in our lives, so we set our alarm(s) to go off at 6:00AM and 6:10AM... Not that we actually get up until 7:00AM, but... Anyway, I made an executive decision NOT to set the alarm this morning. It was not a totally irresponsible decision, given that we were out late last night (got home about 11:15PM) (car club meeting) and then mucked about, watched the late TV news, read a bit, and didn't turn the light out until about midnight.

Well, we both sort of woke up about 6:00AM, but somehow (!) didn't finally really wake up and get out of bed until 9:00AM... Such sloth! Most excellent... When I opened the bedroom door, the kittens were patiently sitting there, waiting for The Humans to get with the program. They rushed in and promptly began playing! Boston (the all-black one) is fascinated with water, and tries, every morning, to get into the shower. I open the door and invite her in, but then she realizes what's going on, and decides against sharing the experience. She will, however, play with the running water in the sink... For some reason, she does not appear to worry about getting her paws wet. The other kitten, Philadelphia, is far more cautious, and simply decided to lay on the bedroom carpet in a patch of sun, and look cute as heck.

Both of us -- The Spouse and me -- woke up with headaches. Not from any indulgence last night, for sure, so we think it's maybe weather-triggered (changes in air pressure or other weather phenomena can trigger migranes). He took meds, I'm trying to hold out.

Frankly, I'm in a funk... For some reason, can't quite whip up the usual amount of enthusiasm. Perhaps it's the amount of household crap that needs to get done in the next couple of days, or something. It was easier, perhaps, when I was working at a "real" job -- because I knew I simply had to organize and get things done and there was no wiggle room! There is stuff piled up all over the house, and it's driving me NUTS! However, I am making progress: there are 12 cartons of fabric from my stash ready to go to the local junior college (for their fashion design program), there are tons of goodies set aside for a garage sale (not sure when I'll do that), just got rid of my big microwave (loaned to a friend who's getting her kitchen redone), the two upstairs bedrooms are due to get new carpet soon (yesss!!!) (after 19 years) (don't ask), and every week we get rid of tons of old crap. However, there are still tons left. My daughter is praying that nothing untoward happens to The Spouse and to me, because then she'd be left with one huge heck of a mess to clean up. (At least my lingerie drawers in the closet are neat!)

There's a photo here (above), taken when The Spouse, my daughter and I were in Oregon in June (for her graduation), and we went out to the coast, to Florence, Oregon... That's the feeling I'm searching for today. We shall see.

I wish all of you a FABULOUS weekend!

Weird, Weird, Weird

OK, now I know for sure (viz: Oprah) that I have been married to The Spouse for FAR TOO LONG. Let me tell you why: Last night, I had a dream that I was -- somehow -- talked into driving his Lotus Elise (the little yellow bombshell) in a race; I believe it was at Sears Point Raceway (or whatever corporate moniker is currently attached to that venue). For reasons not made totally clear in the dream, I had gone along with this INSANE idea -- I must have, because we were both at the track, and I had "parked" the car close to the grid, to be ready to form up when the signal was given.

Then, it got strange. (Yes, I know, but work with me on this...) I started arguing with The Spouse, telling him I didn't know anything about driving in a race, I had no idea how to tell I'd finished a lap, I didn't have racing shoes on (just my tennies, which are too clumsy to manipulate the pedals), I didn't know the course, and I couldn't possibly see out of the helmet! He just kept "there-there'ing" me, telling me it would all be fine, and not to worry.

At this point, I'm getting seriously worked up... The people who supervise the race are there, and not apparently worried that they can't see a good part of the track and that this newbie -- me -- is about to wreak havoc on the track. For some reason, there were a lot of women drivers for the race -- I was in the paddock, pitted next to a very nice lady, and her little girl was there (being held by her dad), and I started talking to the little one, before I realized that I was scared s**tless!

I had just about talked my spouse into taking my place, and was starting to strip off my racing suit, when I woke up. In a sweat. Jeez!

When I told him about this dream, The Spouse just smiled. Later on this morning, we watched a re-broadcast of today's F1 race, from Germany. He told me to watch what the drivers were doing, and to relax, because it's easy! Go straight, go fast, and don't smack into anyone else. OK, then, how hard could it be? Hahahaha... Look, I won't even drive the 1961 Jaguar sedan because I'm in a panic about what would happen if I smacked into anything (my hand-eye coordination isn't the best any more -- not that it was ever great)...

So, here's the current state of play: He's gotten me to try tennis (and I'm liking it pretty well); he got me to try scuba (on our last trip to Hawaii -- I did sit on the ocean bottom for a little bit -- okay it was only about 25 feet deep but it was real and I had the full scuba kit on); he's gotten me to cut way down on the amount of salt I use on my food (grudgingly); he's gotten me to sleep commando (I know, TMI); and he's gotten me to do all kinds of things I swore I'd never do (but all totally PG-rated)... Why do I think car racing wouldn't be included in that list, at some point?

Well, all I'm saying is, stay tuned...

Forgot to add these

Armfuls of cats... How fun is this!

Humor Me...

Yeah, I know, people posting photos of their pets can get annoying. Humor me on this, though. I've posted so many entries about all my misery and sadness, and bad moods, and all that, so now I have these two new kittens and they make me laugh. Like human babies, and babies of other species, these kittens are just THERE... they're either going at a million miles an hour, or sound asleep, out cold. If they're mad, they hiss; if they are happy (or what we believe is happy for a kitten), they purr; when they're hungry, they meow (really loudly, given their size). How cool is that? No prevarication here... I'm not wild about the scratches I have all over me, as they try to climb up my body, but what the heck. And they've knocked over everything that can be knocked over, but nothing has broken... yet...

Yesterday, Boston (the black one) discovered the broom, as I was sweeping the floor. She apparently thinks it's just a huge new toy, meant to amuse her and present her with "prey" (huge dust bunnies). She's the more aggressive one of the two -- chases Philly (aka Fearless aka Philadelphia) (I hate that name) -- and the more curious of the two. I have a feeling, however, that the other one isn't far behind. I think there's probably a couple/few weeks age difference between them, and at this age, that has a huge impact.

As I mentioned on my Facebook post earlier today, we don't have (human) grandchildren (yet) (please god), so we're doting on the kittens. How predictable is that! I don't want to turn into one of those weird old women who think their cats (or dogs) are their children, so please don't expect constant posts on the furry ones.

But, today, I just couldn't help myself. I blame the headache (now in its second consecutive day)...

Have a great day!

Happy...

I just realized, sitting here, fadoodling around on the 'Net, that I'm actually pretty happy. This may not seem like much, but when one considers where I've been, emotionally and psychologically, for the past couple of years, that is saying a lot. By "happy", I don't mean hey whoo-hoo jumping up and down, but rather, I think, content. The absence of angst. The absence of drama. The absence of crisis.

My therapist is great. I've been seeing her since The Misery started, and one of the skills she told me to work on, a long time ago, was "changing the tape" or "changing the channel" when the negative thoughts start, and the visions of you-know-who with Saigon Barbie start. It was so very hard, at first, to tear my brain and my heart away from the dark side, but eventually it got easier. These days, the negative thoughts only pop up occasionally. When they do, there is the temptation to indulge in them -- kind of like emotional or mental masturbation, I guess -- but I also realize that it's just not good for me. The past is the past, and there's not a damn thing I can do to change it. The present is all I have. And, as far as I know, The Spouse has left his obsession with that slut behind. I hope. I still don't understand the whole thing, but I suppose I'll never understand it.

Whatever.

Today, I'm good. I look good, I feel good. My hair is good, my face is good. I play tennis a lot, and I'm not terrible. (Not great, but not terrible.) I have good health (other than the osteoarthritis which is getting more intense each day), as far as I know. I have food in the cupboard, I have lovely clothes in the closet. I have two great kids, and one of them is a daughter who's the light of my life. She's a lovely young woman, and I'm so proud of her. She'll do fine in life. I have money in the bank, even if I don't have a job (thanks be for unemployment insurance). I have a roof over my head, and enough money in savings to pay off the mortgage if that's what I think I need to do. Again, thanks be. I have great friends, which is a true blessing. I live in a great place (even if the state of California is more f'd up than any state deserves to be) (and the USA is not too bad). I have a TV, a couple of radios, and lots of books and magazines to read. I have craft projects to futz around with, and cute shoes.

So, hey, why ought I not be happy? Really...

That's what occurred to me today.

Hope all of you are doing well!

Well, it seemed like a good idea...

So, as you all know, we adopted Boston (the all-black kitten) a couple of weeks ago. Our older cat is still in a huff, but the level of hissing and general crankiness has diminished a bit. However, Boston seems lonely. Well, not really, but we thought she might like some same-age companionship. (And, frankly, our older cat is getting odder by the day, so she may yet segue into being an outdoor cat if she doesn't stop peeing and puking all over our house...) (Love her dearly, but...)

Anyway, we made another trip to the Humane Society today, and found Philly... or Feli... or whatever her name is going to be... Her adoption papers called her "Fearless" -- as in, that was the name that was given to her. She was the one kitten at the adoption center who didn't totally freak out when we held her. Unlike Boston, who immediately cuddled and purred and did everything in her power to entice us to take her home, "Fearless" just gave us The Look... She didn't struggle to escape our arms, but she wasn't too keen on us, either. Well, anyway, she's home with us now! She's spent most of the day hiding out, but we've retrieved her from under the sofa a couple of times.

As I'm typing this, there's a bit of hissing going on between the two little ones. Boston came up to whats-her-name, nose to nose, investigating the cute little number who showed up today. However, Fearless did a very female thing and hissed. Great. Another princess...

She's a cutie, but truth be told, I still miss Baby Kitty #1 deeply. Sigh...