Happy...

I just realized, sitting here, fadoodling around on the 'Net, that I'm actually pretty happy. This may not seem like much, but when one considers where I've been, emotionally and psychologically, for the past couple of years, that is saying a lot. By "happy", I don't mean hey whoo-hoo jumping up and down, but rather, I think, content. The absence of angst. The absence of drama. The absence of crisis.

My therapist is great. I've been seeing her since The Misery started, and one of the skills she told me to work on, a long time ago, was "changing the tape" or "changing the channel" when the negative thoughts start, and the visions of you-know-who with Saigon Barbie start. It was so very hard, at first, to tear my brain and my heart away from the dark side, but eventually it got easier. These days, the negative thoughts only pop up occasionally. When they do, there is the temptation to indulge in them -- kind of like emotional or mental masturbation, I guess -- but I also realize that it's just not good for me. The past is the past, and there's not a damn thing I can do to change it. The present is all I have. And, as far as I know, The Spouse has left his obsession with that slut behind. I hope. I still don't understand the whole thing, but I suppose I'll never understand it.

Whatever.

Today, I'm good. I look good, I feel good. My hair is good, my face is good. I play tennis a lot, and I'm not terrible. (Not great, but not terrible.) I have good health (other than the osteoarthritis which is getting more intense each day), as far as I know. I have food in the cupboard, I have lovely clothes in the closet. I have two great kids, and one of them is a daughter who's the light of my life. She's a lovely young woman, and I'm so proud of her. She'll do fine in life. I have money in the bank, even if I don't have a job (thanks be for unemployment insurance). I have a roof over my head, and enough money in savings to pay off the mortgage if that's what I think I need to do. Again, thanks be. I have great friends, which is a true blessing. I live in a great place (even if the state of California is more f'd up than any state deserves to be) (and the USA is not too bad). I have a TV, a couple of radios, and lots of books and magazines to read. I have craft projects to futz around with, and cute shoes.

So, hey, why ought I not be happy? Really...

That's what occurred to me today.

Hope all of you are doing well!