The Best Laid Plans...

So, remember how I was going to spend a week or more wandering through New Mexico? Well, it would seem that the fates had something else in mind for me. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am back in Cupertino! That is a hell of a lot of driving in a very short length of time. Good thing I like driving, but this was ridiculous. It was a 10-hour day for me today, and that's just about more than I've ever spent driving in my life! I did make it to Albuquerque, and toured around Old Town in the cold and the rain on Thanksgiving Day, but that was about it. I am irritated beyond imagining that I didn't make it to Santa Fe, or really have any down time at all. I did read a couple of novels, and got a fair amount of sewing done on my Hawaiian quilting project (a table runner), and did some knitting, and a lot of thinking, but...

Anyway, all is well, or as well as it can be, under the circumstances. I did enjoy driving through the high desert. It was amazing to me that the high desert of California, and that in Arizona and New Mexico, are so wildly different! The high desert in California is very much volcanic -- like the ground was gunched together, and the mountains were formed. In Arizona and New Mexico, you can plainly see that, once upon a long, long time ago, some pretty impressive water or ice flows went through there, and carved away at the rocks, leaving these incredible formations... I love the striations in the rock, and the gorgeous colors. It was very very soothing... Driving through Arizona, you cross these washes (dry creek beds). One of my favorites was Holy Moses Wash. There's also a "lllavar wash"... I can't figure out if that's an upper-case "I" (eye) followed by two lower-case "ls" (ells), or what. My recollection is that "llavar", in Spanish, means "to wash". Too confusing for me, makes my head hurt.

As I was driving along, there was an announcement that came on the radio, recruiting subjects for a "medical study" on General Anxiety Disorder. I listened to the so-called symptoms, and frankly it just sounded like I used to feel every day when I was working at The Company! Who knew? I would have checked myself in somewhere, had I known I had a "disorder"!!!

Well, I am working on my zen attitude. Going with the flow. Breathing. Waiting to see what tomorrow holds. Ought to be a laugh riot. Or not.

Cheers!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Well, here I am, in Albuquerque, New Mexico, on Thanksgiving Day, 2008. Who could have predicted this? Last year, Thanksgiving was hideous, as it was the day on which I discovered my spouse's bad acts... I had hoped that, by this year, things would have gotten resolved. However, we're still in the throes of a dying marriage, I think, and it's a painful, lingering death. Maybe. Who knows... But, here I am, and I have lots of great friends, money in the bank, nice clothes, food in my cupboards, and a decent life expectancy ahead of me... So, it could be a heck of a lot worse, and I just need to stop whining and moaning...

I woke up with a hideous headache, to a cold, grey sky, and rain. On the upside, I found the Starbucks -- right across the street! I'm not sure if I'm coming down with a virus of some sort, or whether it's altitude issues (one wouldn't think so, since I've been high up for a couple of days), or -- perhaps -- it's a mild hangover (okay, two Cosmos last night and no dinner and then the jacuzzi might, just might, have had something to do with it)...

The drive from Flagstaff to Albuquerque was easy, and it's always great to see the magnificent landscape of the desert. Truly amazing rock formations... I don't think I'd want to do this drive again in this lifetime (!), but I've enjoyed it thus far. Later today, if the rain lets up and my headache abates, I'm going to take myself off to Old Town, and walk about. (Yes, I know everything will be closed, but that's OK... I need to get out of this hotel room!)

I was planning on staying here until Saturday morning, and then heading up to Santa Fe for a few days. Unfortunately, plans have changed (the way they have a habit of doing), and I'm going to have to head back to California, to attend a Board meeting of an organization I'm seeking to join, on Monday night. Blast! But, it's the right thing to do. So, I'll pull out of Albuquerque tomorrow (Friday) afternoon, and haul my sorry self back to California. I'm really so not looking forward to that long drive, right on the heels of the first drive... I did think about flying to California and then flying back to New Mexico, to resume the road trip, but there are other things that I need to attend to in California (including a memorial service for a friend's husband who passed away last week -- I had no idea, and she's really having a hard time, as well as another Board meeting on 12/8, which I will have to be at, if I'm one of the finalists for the position), so I think it's time to just bow to circumstances.

However, I still have my reservations to take off on Dec. 13th, for the East Coast, and then on to Paris, for Christmas. That's all bought and paid for, and it would take something massive for me to call that off. Like, I'm not sure what... But it would have to be spectacular.

Well, that's it for the moment. I hope all of you are enjoying the day, and take care!

Day Two

So, what happened to Day One? Well, it didn't get blogged about... I got on the road on Monday around 11:00AM, which was later than I wanted, but way too much to do -- threw too much stuff in the car, including two suitcases, and figured I'd sort it out later. It was a long haul from Cupertino until I hit I-5, including going across Route 152... Driving was actually pretty easy, although punctuated with bouts of crying. (Silly girl...) I stayed in Barstow, California last night, at a pretty nice Best Western. Had dinner at the local Carrow's, and spied the Starbucks...

This morning, had a quick bite at the hotel, hit Starbucks, and got on the road by 8:15AM. I actually slept pretty well last night, which was amazing, all things considered. (Thank god for Ambien CR...) I really enjoyed driving through the high desert... Just acres and acres of sky and scrub and not much else. The colors are beautiful -- muted and harmonious. The one thing that struck me was how many freight trains I saw, everywhere along the way! Got gas in Needles, had lunch in Kingman, and have stopped in Flagstaff, Arizona for the night. I opted to get off the road now (about 4:30 local time), rather than pushing on to Gallup, New Mexico. I have some work to do (applying for a position on the local junior college board of trustees), and I figured I would get to work on it now, before I get totally dingy.

I am still somewhat morose about this whole road trip, and feeling irritated at being, in essence, forced to be the one who left and is wandering around. I know it's absolutely positively the right thing for me to do, but that doesn't mean I'll do it gracefully. I'm not good at that sort of thing (doing things gracefully, that is) (particularly things that are good for me). Perhaps, at the end of it, I'll feel differently about it. Maybe.

Hope all of you are doing well!

Monday and Hysteria

Well, okay, not really hysteria, just angst and anxiety. Packing for the road trip is in progress. Most of the home-based chores are done, I've printed out my step-by-step driving route (thank you, Auto Club!), have all kinds of safety supplies in the car, and (from what the pile looks like) everything I own needs to get stuffed into two suitcases and numerous tote bags!

There's more than a little irritation in me right now, about leaving my own home -- why should I leave? Why shouldn't he be the one to decamp? Well, because my little bird, you're the one who needs to put some time and space between you and him, remember? To bolster the cutting of the emotional chains? Remember all that? It's easier to leave today, because he's not here. (He's in Southern California, retrieving the two old Jaguar cars we bought in the UK...) It is hard enough as it is.

I'll probably poop out earlier than I'd like today, and stay somewhere in Southern California. (I have visions of passing out along the road in Death Valley...) Hopefully, will be pulling into Albuquerque at some point tomorrow (Tuesday). We shall see. I'm looking forward to this, I think... Oh, hell, I'm not sure what I'm feeling! It's my hope that, by the end of this trip, I'll have a little more clarity in my head and in my heart.

To all of you out there who have been so supportive, there are no words to thank you for all the love and care. I do feel it, trust me.

Take care of yourselves on this dreary Monday...

Time and Pain

It was one year ago, today, that I found out about events that had occurred, that blew my world (my personal world, my marriage, my assumptions about my marriage) apart. I've been dreading this anniversary. I woke up this morning at about 5:00AM, with a pounding, hideous migrane. All day, my stomach has been roiling, and my soul has been heavy. The spouse knows how I feel, but that doesn't make it any easier. We're both very tense about the upcoming separation, and how we'll both deal, being apart from each other.

This has been, pretty much, a very bad year. But, on the up side, I've learned a lot about myself, about my spouse, and about my children. I've had some really fun times, and some really really REALLY bad times. I'm sure that, at some point in the future, it will all become clear to me why I had to go through this. Or not.

I have not yet started packing for my road trip, but I did finish my second dress. (All that's left to do is the hem, which I can do tomorrow.) It's overwhelming, when I start thinking about all the stuff I need to haul in the car, but I'm sure I'll do just fine. I haven't traveled on my own before, and this is very nerve-wracking. But, I believe, necessary.

I wish I could focus, and write more, but I can't. It's taking everything I have just to maintain my demeanor, and not burst into tears. Well, to be honest, I don't think I have the energy for tears right now. I'm just numb.

I'll do my best to post as I make my way through New Mexico and other points on the trip. It ought to be interesting.

Peace out.

Adieu, My Rover...

So, we went down to SoCal, to deal with the cars that got shipped here from England. We got to the dock, saw the two Jags, and were incredibly relieved... One never knows whether these things will actually show up! As I was standing around, cooling my heels, I noticed a Rover over in a part of the lot. I walked closer and, lo and behold, it was OUR very Rover -- the one we bought in England, drove around, and shipped back here.

Of course, I was thrilled! We'd been having all kinds of issues with getting clearance from all the right US government agencies to bring the Rover into the country. According to my spouse, there was no issue with the EPA; however, there was an issue with the DOT (Department of Transportation). Apparently, the glitch was that the Rover is a right-hand drive car. And, it's not old enough to be exempt from the requirement that the only cars which can be imported into the US, for sale and use in the US, are left-hand drive cars. (I do not understand the reasoning, but I'm sure some minion, working in a basement somewhere, having been sufficiently massaged by the Detroit/American auto industry, came up with some facially reasonable justification for this requirement.) Anyway, after much back and forth with the US Customs and Border Protection authorities (all of whom were great and sympathetic and immoveable), it was determined that the Rover could NOT be imported into the US. What does that mean? It had to be destroyed! Yes, gunched! So, we scrambled around and arranged for the destruction, and we ended the afternoon watching our car get crunched by some incredible huge insect-like machine; that puppy just ate the Rover in less than a minute. It was awfully scary, and very traumatic. What a bloody waste.

And, of course, we didn't manage to get clearance to get the Jags out of the yard, so we drove home without them, too. How very frustrating! My spouse and our son will drive down next Sunday, and spend next Monday liberating the Jags (assuming that all the appropriate approvals and blessings and stampings and forms and god knows what have been obtained)... I am leaving on my six-week road trip on Sunday, so I won't be able to assist this time.

All very sad. But, somehow emblematic of the way things are turning out in my life. Sometimes, in order to move forward, things that one had an attraction to, need to be just destroyed. Pulverized. Into little bitty pieces. Then, melted down into core elements, and re-used to build something new (and, hopefully, shiny and full of integrity).

Other than that, I'm working on one more dress that I want to take with me on my trip. My vision is that this will be an elegant dress, but one never knows until it's at least basted up. We shall see. It's basically a wearable muslin, using fairly inexpensive rayon jersey that I found in one of our local cheapo fabric stores. I would hate to cut into $15/yard fabric (or even more expensive) and then look like a dog's breakfast! If this dress does work, perhaps I'll wear it with my beautiful Hong Kong pearls... I really like those...

Still working on keeping my emotional well-being in sync. It's really hard. I've been brooding on the implications of betrayal, again. It just gets up my nose when people aren't up front with me. I hate hate hate passive-aggressive behavior, and I've been subjected to that a little bit more than I'd like.

I sense that I'm beginning to ramble. Tomorrow, I shall post photos of my latest two sewing projects, if I can figure out how to actually get the photos into this blog. For some reason, I'm having terrible trouble figuring out how to do it. Jeez.

OK, everyone, enjoy the evening!

Dos Margaritas, Por Favor...

Yep, it's been a long time since I had a margarita. However, needs must. I'm here in Oxnard, in Southern California, with my husband. We're on a mission to retrieve the two vintage Jaguars we bought in England, which have now arrived in the US. It's iffy if we can actually get them and drive them back to our home tomorrow, so both of us are a tad whipped up. No stones are being cast at anyone regarding the f'd up state of affairs regarding knowing in advance just what is needed to spring the cars from the custody of the US Government, by the way. But, we're here, with papers and money and all kinds of explanations, so perhaps we'll get lucky.

When I last lived in Southern California (about 24 years ago), I don't recall Oxnard being anything other than a laid-back surfer town. But, when we pulled in, the town is bigger, dingier (sorry, Oxnardians), and far more Latino in flavor than we recalled. Bottom line, we ended up going to a Mexican restaurant for dinner. (The spouse hates Mexican food, so his agreement to try the place was astonishing.) Anyway, in order not to insult the ownership of the restaurant, I was FORCED to have a Margarita to begin the festivities. In fact, I was FORCED to have another, just to save face. I cannot feel my face at this point, after the two Margaritas, so they (the Margaritas) get two thumbs-up. I think my fish tacos were good, but can't remember exactly...

The drive down Highway 101 from the Bay Area was lovely. Years and years ago, when I was in law school at Berkeley, and the then-boyfriend was languishing in Los Angeles, I'd make that drive at least once a month. Highway 5 is fast and straight, but BORING... Highway 101 is lovely, slower, and more interesting. We left our home at 11:30AM, made two brief stops, and pulled into Oxnard at about 6:30PM. Not too bad. And, if things work tomorrow, we get to turn around and drive back to the Bay Area! My back will be in spasm, so I will need at least one glass of wine when we get home, maybe two.

I have fallen apart, emotionally, several times in the past few days. I am so torn about this upcoming road trip/separation. But, everyone agrees that I need it -- we both need it -- and it'll probably be fine, but it's been a long time since I've taken off on my own. (Well, I'll be with my DD for the last part, and it will be fabulous, but the first part is just me and the open road.) I'm so used to either traveling on business with colleagues (you know who you are, Bao Sister), or with my husband, that this is freaking me out. I also think it's terribly terribly sad that, for the first time in 28 years, we'll be apart on Christmas and our anniversary. Well, given where I think things are heading, and all the crap we've been through, it's probably just as well. But it will still hurt.

I was making a list of all the crapola I want to stash in my car, and really I'm going to look like a traveling tinker! I've got books, magazines, sewing projects, clothes (several sets), iPod, iPhone, chargers, computer, blah blah blah... And water, blankets, chains, work gloves, ratty towels... And my own pillow (yes, I am a princess)... To say nothing of all the toiletries I seem to need... (When did I become so high maintenance?) And my CDs... (The music ones, not the financial instruments...)

At this point, I feel myself withdrawing from everyone, emotionally, simply as a defense mechanism. I hate this. I've worked so hard to open myself up, and now I feel just like the old me... Walled off, apparently cold (but most certainly not)... When I think about all the stuff that's gone on this past year, and all the stuff yet to be gone through, it's overwhelming. But, I am strong, I am in good health, I have some money put aside, and I'm smarter than the average bear... I have friends and family who love me and who'll take care of me. I am blessed. I need to keep that in mind.

Whew. That was quite therapeutic... Sorry to vent so much, but...

Have a good week ahead, everyone!

Just Plain Tired...

I feel like that Madeline Kahn character, in "Blazing Saddles" (the takeoff on Marlene Dietrich), who sings, "I'm Tired"... Only, if I were singing it, I'd mean it... I am exhausted... This past year is catching up with me... Turning 60 was sobering, leaving my job was traumatic, and finding out what my husband was up to was shattering. I am not used to being anything other than wildly successful and competent, and for two of the major areas of my life to fall apart was not something I could ignore. (Even I, queen of denial...)

Things have come to a head recently (regarding the marriage) (the job thing is so yesterday's news), and the way forward is pretty much decided. Only not totally. As you know, if you've been reading my posts, I'm going on a road trip, to put some physical distance between my spouse and me. The idea is to give us both the physical and emotional space to think clearly about where we go from here, either together or separately. Frankly, at this point, I'm numb. When I'm not numb, I'm exhausted. When I'm neither numb nor exhausted, I'm pretty damn pissed off. (Thereby covering the gamut of emotions...) There's a part of me that just wants to throw in the towel and say, "Fine, go marry that ***, and see if I care." And, I think that part is growing. I mean, how much effort does one put into a potentially doomed project before you wake up and sense that this is a no-return situation... (As in, no return on investment...)

One more week, and then I hop in the car, and take off. It's going to be a long, long week. I hope I can hold it together. May be tough...

Anyway, I hope all of you are not in the slough of despond, and are looking forward to a very good weekend!

The Upside of Anger [not the movie]

So, I never did see that movie, "The Upside of Anger", although my daughter told me the plot. However, for the past couple of days, I've been meditating on the nature and effect of anger on me and the quality of my life. Used appropriately, anger can focus me, and get me to get off my duff and address whatever it is that's gotten me mad. Sometimes, anger has been an appropriate stage in working through an untenable situation; I'm awfully good at sublimating and smiling while boiling inside... Migranes? No worries... Sometimes, though, I do admit to letting the red devils slither out a bit, and I'll lash out, explicitly or by snarkiness or very passive-aggressive comments. I did the last earlier this week. I ought not to have done it, but at the time, it felt awfully good. Well, okay, not good, but at least familiar. Got to stop that.

In my current situation, anger has served to cause the scales to fall from my eyes, and to look at things with a more realistic bent, and to realize that perhaps it's time to move forward on a path I would not have chosen, but which appears to be the path that's been chosen for me. As my son says, I can't cover the sky with my hand. In other words, wake up and look around, and go with the situation. I've tried to move heaven and earth, and change the time-space continuum, and erase the impact of the past... All to no great effect... But, I'm glad I did it, as I can move forward with a clean heart and clean hands. In one of my earlier posts, I talked about things like this... At the time, the path may not be evident, or may look too rocky to tread, or may appear to be a false path; but, in retrospect, looking back, the path is absolutely clear. Doesn't mean it's fun...

The itinerary for my road trip is coming together. If it all weren't so sad, I'd be excited. The checklist of crapola to take with me is growing exponentially. It's going to be a "learning experience"... I hate "learning experiences"...

Hope all of you are doing well.

Rotten Strawberries

I swear, I have the oddest dreams. (Well, I'm sure everyone thinks their dreams are odd, but go with me on this...) So, last night, I had a dream, wherein I was really excited about buying a box of fresh strawberries. They're at the end of the season now (other than berries imported from elsewhere) and I really do miss them, cut up on my morning cereal. (Bananas are great, but they just don't "do" it for me...)

Anyway, I was in the market (in the dream), found a box, and brought it home. Then, when I opened the box, and started picking up the berries, I found that they were all pretty much rotten. Oozing. Almost liquid in their decay. The disappointment and shock I felt was shockingly intense. In fact, I'm still enveloped by that spiritual miasma...

And, of course, being me, I'm sitting here, brooding about what the strawberries represented. I think I know, but I'm resisting finally buying into it. On the up side, at least I'm starting to get in touch with my disappointment and shock, of finding out that things simply aren't what I thought. (OK, I know, this is all shockingly obvious...)

Still trying to wrap my head around the itinerary for my road trip. Where do I go? For how long? Where will I stay? Aaacckkk... I hate planning. And, right now, I'm not doing very well in terms of concentrating on details. And this is not a whoo-hoo road trip... Although I am sort of looking forward to it, I hate the necessity of it. Like most women, when there's a crisis in my life, my instinct is to gather my chicks and nurture my brood, and clean and cook and do nest-building things, in a (vain) effort to put a gloss of normalcy on a situation that's so very broken. This is a real pain in the butt. And, after a whole year of this, I'm just tired.

Speaking of cleaning, I need to go through the huge pile of crap on the counter, and sort it out. Yesterday, spent hours sorting through the stash in my sewing room, in an attempt to cull out of it what I don't want/need. Not too successful. But, I did fill six large garbage bags with things for Goodwill! Very therapeutic, to look at my closet, and see unused hangers!

I hope all of you are well, and have a great Monday!

Truth, Reality, or Whatever

Is it possible, I ask myself, for someone to absolutely believe the reality he's in at the moment, ignoring the other, alternate reality that also exists? Can someone look me straight in the eye, swear he's telling the truth, and really believe it, when I know there's also another truth? Is this crazy-making, or what? Because, at some point, I begin to doubt my own perception(s) of reality and truth, and I am one heck of a grounded person, not likely to mistake fantasy for reality. (Haven't done that in decades...)

I'm working up a real head of steam here, I must say. I really really really dislike being lied to... Of course, lying involves some element of consciousness -- i.e., the liar should, in the ordinary course of things, know (consciously) that he is lying. Otherwise, is it lying? Or just being f'ing crazy? (Rhetorical question...)

Bottom line, it is very frustrating and tiring to work through dealing with these alternate realities and truths and half-truths and mis-truths and goodness only knows what they are. At some point, one of these days, everything will blow sky high and then the fun will begin. Can hardly wait.

Kind of a dark entry, but there you go.

Sigh...

Speaking (as I was, in a former post) of girding one's loins, I'm about to have to start doing that. In an effort to make sense out of where I (and the spouse) are, vis-a-vis the continued viability (or lack thereof) for our relationship, we've decided that I will go off on a road trip for a while -- perhaps about a month (or more) -- to give him (and me) the necessary space to think more clearly. When we're together, or close in geographical terms, we end up together even when it would, possibly, be best to be apart. So, I am going to go visit New Mexico. I've always wanted to go there, but never managed to come up with a good reason to be there. Now, there's nothing holding me back. I don't have a job, the kids can forage for themselves, the spousal unit also can (presumably) fend for himself, and we (he and I) can take a breather. There are a plethora of issues to be worked out (many of which I thought -- in my naivete -- had been resolved), and need to be dealt with in the fairly immediate future. I simply do not have the strength to spend another year, dangling at the end of a noose... Oh, did I say that? Naughty me... But that's what it has felt like.

Without getting into specifics, as there's always plenty of blame to be spread around any time two folks who have been married almost 30 years, any time there's a fracture in the relationship, both he and I need to get past the "want to" stage to the "what is really going to happen" stage. It's terrifically painful, and I'm struggling mightily to NOT descend into the pit of hate and despair. But, it's not easy. Perhaps if I were blessed with some sort of religious faith, it would be easier. Instead, I have a double dose of denial (!) which, let it be said, has seen me through MANY life episodes!

On the up side, I do have sort of an idea of an itinerary, and I'll be communing with my buddy, Karen L., who's from New Mexico, and get some "insider" hints. I'm actually pretty excited. Then, there'll be a few weeks where I'll be at loose ends. And, it occurred to me, I need to do Christmas (and my anniversary and maybe even my birthday) in Paris. Why the hell not? It was kind of a vision thing... Came to me, clearly... I don't necessarily believe in message from the beyond, but this one was pretty strong. OK, yeah, I can do it. I've got my passport, some cash, some decent clothes, and I'm familiar enough with Paris that it won't be like I fell to earth in the middle of some unknown continent. Left Bank, I think... Hmmmm.... Just for a week or 10 days.... How bad can it be?

Time enough when I finally get back to sort out whatever decisions have been made. Then, depending, could be six months to a year of sobbing, or not. Hard to tell. Not at all what I bargained for, let me just note!!!!

OK, time to wash the dishes and haul my sorry self off to bed...

Cheers!

Now the fun really begins...

I personally am thrilled with the results of the Presidential election. What an historic time for this country. I am so proud of the American people as a whole... the engagement of everyone in the campaign (regardless of what side you're on), the turn-out, the engagement of whole sectors who formerly didn't even show up... It was great. I think I've mentioned previously that I get really excited--even, perhaps, giddy-- every time I go to vote. That, to me, is the essence of what America is all about.

Now, we'll need to gird our collective loins, and get down to the hard work. And pray that Obama and his family are kept safe from wackos.

I'll also need to gird my own loins (as it were), and take a few deep breaths, and get ready for my own hard work over the next few months and years. There are going to be lots of changes in my life, most of which I would not have chosen, had it been my choice to make, and although they will be tough, and heart-wrenching, they will be growth-inducing. I will have to keep repeating to myself that everything turns out, in the end, the way it was meant to be. Maybe I wasn't ready for these hard lessons earlier in my life. I'm not sure what the lessons will be, but I'm sure they'll be important. I'm basically a wimp, however, and would far rather just nest like crazy, nurture my family, cook and clean, and make everything "right", when it really will never be "right" again, at least not in the current configuration. Maybe someday there'll be a new "right", and g*d only knows what that will look like. But, day by day, I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and at some point, I'll look back, and see the path.

Ooooh, that's all too heavy. True, but heavy. I need my coffee.

Have a great day, everyone!

A Nail-Biter...

Those of you who know me, know that I'm not great on the issue of waiting patiently for things to work out. This election night is driving me NUTS!!! And, of course, I just get all WHIPPED UP about the fact that the news networks start "calling" states in the East way before the polls close in the West. There's something there that just does not seem fair. When I am queen, we're going to get them to knock that crap off.

What else... Actually got things done today (hooray!), which was a good step forward. A few days ago, while I was driving to the airport to pick up my daughter (who was flying in for the weekend), I took a corner a bit too fast, and the Grande Chai Latte that I had picked up for her tumbled over. Did I notice that? Nope, not until every last little bit had leaked out into the car carpeting. Yuk. So, today, I took out the removable floor mat in the passenger foot well, and actually washed it out in the kitchen sink. The combination of years of dirt and stinky sour milk really perked me up, I tell ya... Now, to tackle the milky residue in the non-removable carpeting. Oh, goodie.

And, what else... I have been brooding on the meaning of the word "betrayal". Such an ugly word but, occasionally, an absolutely accurate one. One of the most painful words in the human lexicon, I think. Perhaps, in time, I can write a reasoned, articulate, non-ranting blog post on the issue of betrayal. All I can say right now is that I am wrestling with the implications of betrayal, and what an appropriate response is. Perhaps the universe was waiting until I was matured sufficiently to address these issues, eh?

Tonight, I'm off for a meeting with the sip-n-sew gang (two members will be absent), to pontificate about the election, and perhaps drink a bit too much (no, probably not), and maybe, just maybe, do some sewing!

I hope all of those of you out there who are reading this got off your respective keesters and VOTED. (It would be lovely if you voted the "right" way, but the most important thing is that you vote.)

Cheers!

Whoo-hoo!

I voted already! Did the early voting thing... Went down to the Santa Clara County Registrar of Voters, which was open today from 9AM to 3PM, and it took a little over an hour. Luckily, we got there early enough in the day, that we didn't need to wait outside on the sidewalk -- we were inside, and got to sit on real chairs! OK, they were folding metal chairs, but better than nothing.

I get very excited when I go to vote. To me, this is the essence of democracy, and really what the US is all about. There were people all around us, who for sure were not US natives, and they were all patient, and anxious to vote, and (as far as I could tell) very knowledgeable about what they were about to do. There were also lots of younger people, and minorities -- both of which I hadn't seen a lot of in the past. (I often do early voting, as it's a great opportunity to hang out and see what the populace is up to...)

Whatever your personal position and/or leanings are, I hope each and every one you (who is eligible to vote) goes out and votes!!! As far as I am concerned, there are very few (if any) valid excuses for NOT voting!

OK, enough of my nudging and nagging.

Cheers!